Online Peer Support
Please know that you can contact either of the Directors at any time if you have queries.
They are very much here to help:
The information on this site is provided by fellow survivors and is intended for support purposes only. This website is not intended to treat, diagnose or replace the advice, or treatment, of a licensed therapist.
isurvive.org is not to be used to promote or advertise any goods or services to other members nor is its content available to be used for research (e.g. academic, journalistic, blogs, etc).
It is important to understand that isurvive.org is a community of people providing information, support and the opportunity to share experiences helpful to others. The information on our site comes from individuals who are NOT medical or psychological professionals of any sort.
Online resources are not meant to and cannot replace the specialised training and professional judgement of a health care or mental health care professional. You should consult your doctor, therapist or other healthcare professional if you have any questions about your personal health or psychological needs before implementing or making changes in any treatment.
As an anonymous site, our priority is to provide a safe forum – we have extremely limited ability to act in a meaningful way should we suspect that a minor may be in danger. Site leadership would attempt to do what they could.
In the spirit of protecting our members and their stories; it may become necessary to share email/ ip addresses with other forums, blogs, web sites or publishing entities if we need to investigate plagiarism or theft of content, which is in violation of our guidelines.
Our Polices & Terms and Updates
Please review the documents if you have not already done so before continuing to access isurvive.org and check our Disclaimers and Conditions of Use Page and Forum Announcements regularly for any updates.
SECTION 1: ADMINISTRATION
Choosing an anonymous username is your responsibility. Usernames can only be changed under extraordinary circumstances such as abusers or family discovering your posts and with the permission of a Director.
We strongly advise that you select a username completely unrelated to any other which you may already use elsewhere online or in real life. This is to help protect your privacy, as it is too easy to be linked to identifiable information, blog names or other places on the web or 3D life.
Usernames cannot be changed, for example, if you decide you do not “like” your username or if you have chosen the same username you use on another site.
Disclosure of Personally Identifying Information
Do not reveal your identity. Your privacy and confidentiality are important. Do not share your real name, address, city, telephone number, email or place of work to anyone in the isurvive.org community. Do not share specific details that would allow the reader to identify you, another person, place or specific instance of conduct.
When posting about past abuse we consider anonymity very important. It is not permissible to register twice under different identities, unless with specific permission from a Director. If this is done without permission, one or both accounts may be removed from isurvive.org.
Inactive Member Account
The member list for isurvive.org is regularly reviewed. If your account has not been used in the 3 months from registration, then it may be removed from the system. You will be able to re-register by making direct email contact with a Director.
Active Email Account
You must maintain an active email account. Email changes can easily be made by contacting a Director. You can also do this via your “User Control Panel”, but please be aware that in this circumstance your account will need to be reactivated before continued participation.
It is very important to read posts that are made by a Director. These posts are for your benefit and contain vital information regarding the functionality of isurvive.org
Email Communication from a Director
If you receive an email from a Director, or Admin Staff, due to site guideline violations, or any other issue, you have 48 hours in which to respond. However, if you continue to post on the forum without such acknowledgement, your account may be deactivated whilst we await communication.
SECTION 2: CONDUCT ON THE FORUM
Good Participation Skills
We keep this discussion space productive by treating other participants appropriately. Be gentle with each other. Realise that every person who comes here has been injured or bruised or is sensitive to those who are.
Be cautious about accusations, or expressions of rage, at fellow participants. Use “I” statements. Speak from your own experience. Speak from your heart. This is the most powerful and influential way to make your point.
As you write, please keep in mind that we have members with a wide range of experiences and political opinions from all over the world. There are times and places for expressing specific viewpoints but please recognise that this is not a forum for debate on politics or controversial topics. Our focus needs to be on abuse healing and remain an emotionally safe environment for all members.
Please be careful using capitals, bold or underlining when “talking”/typing. This is seen as yelling or screaming at those reading and could hurt, or trigger, a fellow member. If you need to express yourself by yelling/screaming please use CAPS cautiously.
All the team members here are survivors and have a heart for helping others on their healing journeys. To maintain a safe environment for all there may come times when subject matter is not appropriate for this site and we reserve the right to edit, lock threads or remove posts without challenge, to protect our community.
Do not under any circumstances use isurvive.org to discuss another member.
It is ok to discuss feelings on suicide; however, this is not the place for suicide notes, threats or requests for emergency assistance. Please know you can discuss your feelings, no matter how dark or despairing. Share what you need to share and get help when you need help from your local service providers.
Do Not Discuss Offenders Directly
isurvive.org is a forum for discussion and healing and is not meant as a place to confront offenders.
- Do not refer to offenders by name or provide specific information that might incriminate anyone, such as the city you or an offender lives in
- Do not discuss details of unresolved offences as this may affect any future criminal proceedings
- Do not discuss specific information regarding illegal activities, crimes which have not been tried or crimes for which charges are pending
Avoiding Disrespectful Content
If your words are causing a member harm and you are asked to refrain from using them, then you need to do one of the following:
- Find another way to express yourself
- Change the topic
- Leave the thread
- Contact a Director with a link to the specific post
If you feel harmed by someone’s words, you can:
- Report the situation to a Moderator (if available)
- Choose not to interact with them and respectfully ask for the same consideration
- Leave the thread or chat
- Contact a Director with a link to the specific post
Preventing Unauthorised Access
Always log yourself out of chat or your member account should you need to leave your computer for any length of time. It is vital that the only person using your login details is yourself. Failure to comply can result in an automatic suspension.
Breaking the Cycle
Understand that isurvive.org may accept survivors who have offended in their past and are now working to break the cycle of abuse. We ask that these survivors produce evidence to show they are actively participating in therapy, in a sex offender treatment program and/or have other appropriate support systems in place. This information would be treated confidentially as per applicable laws.
Any admissions of current abuse against a child, or adult, will result in immediate banning with appropriate notification to law enforcement authorities, within our limited means.
Spouses, Partners and Family Members
As a rule, we do not believe it beneficial for the spouse, partner or family of a member to participate in isurvive.org. This can cause the survivor to no longer feel they have a safe place to share their past and cause hurt feelings in the relationship.
Should you wish to explore this possibility then we ask for honest and direct contact to be made with a Director. A stipulation would be that neither party ever post on each other’s threads. If either were to breach this guideline, then one or both accounts may be suspended.
Our website should not be used to work through relationship issues.
SECTION 3: POSTING
isurvive.org uses three types of trigger warning. They align with a traffic warning signal. Whenever you post content, whether it is in response to a thread or starting a new topic, you must select one of three trigger indicators located at the top of the message box. Here are the options:
We have a default setting to MT but you, as the member, should make a concerted effort to select which icon best suits your post. We ask you to take this responsibility seriously, as it helps ensure the well-being of those reading.
When deciding which trigger indicator to use, it is important to look at the overall content and make your decision based on a feeling of how it may come across to others. Be careful you are not reacting from a personal trigger to a specific word and try to focus more on the content/level of detail in your post when deciding on NT, MT or ST.
Please note that titles of posts should never contain any triggering content. The Moderators may make a judgement call if they feel your trigger indicator needs amended and may post to say they have done so.
Visually impaired members should be able to take advantage of alt tags with the above system but, if you simply inform a Director or Admin Staff, our team should be glad to discreetly adjust trigger warnings on your behalf.
Below is a list of common triggers; but please note this is a general list and be aware that what may not trigger one person may trigger another.
- alcohol and substance abuse/ animal abuse
- compulsive behaviours
- eating disorders/ emotional abuse
- physical abuse/ profanity
- religion/ ritualistic abuse
- self-harm/ sexual abuse/ sexual content/ suicide
While the Moderators do their utmost to ensure posts are in the appropriate forums with the appropriate trigger indicators, you must take responsibility to ensure that you are emotionally in a place to read whichever posts you select.
isurvive.org recommends that if you are feeling vulnerable, you should refrain from reading any MT or ST marked posts until you are feeling more grounded.
If at any time you are unsure as to which trigger indicator to use, please contact a Director or ask the Moderator assigned to the specific forum for assistance.
If you become triggered, you can:
- Ask the person to refrain from discussing the triggering subject
- Leave the thread or simply log-off
- Discuss the situation with a Director
This is exhaustive and varies within cultures, and what offends one person may not offend another. We have decided that the following list merits profanity on our site: asshole, bastard, bitch, bugger, cunt, fuck, fml, goddamn, gtfo, lmfao, mofo, motherfucker, prick, pussy, shit, sob, twat, wank, wtf.
Be aware that the use of an asterix, or other punctuation mark, to replace letters within these words will not render them any more acceptable.
Please note that, regardless of content:
- the use of profanity within a post merits an MT indicator
- excessive profanity (upwards of 3) merits an ST indicator
We recognise that many survivors suffered abuse under the guise of religion. Therefore:
- discussion of religious topics, or abuse with religious undertones, merits an MT indicator
- more explicit reference to religion, or religious abuse, merits an ST indicator
Expressing Strong Emotions
It is understandable that you may feel strong emotions, or be triggered, by what you read from time to time. Be mindful that some members may still be living with their abuser or are not yet in a place where they can handle strong criticism against them. If you feel anger towards another member’s abuser, please be careful with your choice of words when responding. Trigger warnings will be changed, as necessary.
Please refrain from posting the same post in two different forums. When you do this, it can make members feel as though they need to respond more than once. It is also added work for the Moderators. Your post should be responded to in due time.
Double posting includes:
- summarising your post in a different forum
- copying your previous post and re-posting it within new posts or threads; please use an internal isurvive link to an earlier post if necessary for reference
Selecting a Forum for Your Post
It is your responsibility to ensure that your posts are made in the most appropriate forum. If you are unsure where a post belongs, a Director can be contacted at any time for advice. It is asked that Open Forum not be a “catch-all” for posts, as they can be responded to in the other forums. Please be mindful that if a post is found to have content that best fits another forum then the post may be moved, and you will be notified by email.
- Do not quote the entire post of another person within your own when responding to others, just select the pertinent section
- Do not post text from other support sites, forums, blogs or email threads
- Do not post, copy, save or distribute any material found on isurvive.org except for your own personally written posts, which can be saved for your own reference
Please keep copyright restrictions in mind when making any references to books, songs, articles, poetry or other pieces of material. Share only references or brief quotes that qualify under copyright and fair use laws. Limit your brief quotation to the minimum necessary to make your point and always include the full copyright references (author, title, publisher, year, page or artist, song, album, producer, year). This will also allow those interested to view an excerpt in its full copyrighted and protected context if they choose.
It can be triggering for other members when the content of a post is changed without any explanation. If you feel the need to edit your post, please write a few words at the bottom to explain why you have done so.
Do not delete any posts which have received a reply as this can be unsettling for other members. If posts need to be removed for security, privacy or other reasons, the Director or Administrative staff should be contacted and can assist you in this secure process.
Links to External Content
Do not post external links on the forums or in chat. Since we can’t guarantee the appropriateness of content or information on other websites, any external links will be removed.
It is understandable you may wish to share images of family, pets or other images that may be in support of yourself or another member. However, because it is unknown what images may trigger someone, no images or image links are permitted on the site.
It can be triggering for some members to view red font so please refrain from using it.
Responding to Others
- When replying to a post, please take time to ensure your response is directed to the owner (original poster) and not to another member. This ensures the owner of the thread receives more targeted support and that the conversation does not veer in a different direction
- When replying to comments from other members on your own thread; please take time to acknowledge each one, either collectively or individually, to be sure everyone feels included and that their words were valued by you
- If you experience negative emotions from something you read; please take time to reflect before responding, to ensure your reply is appropriate
SECTION 4: SITE MODERATION
Role of Moderators
The moderators are not therapists or counsellors but are very much here to help. Their role is to offer support and help keep the website organised and productive.
Should the need arise, you can request intervention by posting for moderator assistance on your thread. However, moderators are not always online so can only respond to requests as their schedule allows.
If you require urgent feedback, then please email a Director
If a Director or Moderator requests an issue to be dropped, you must comply immediately. The thread may be locked and, should anyone choose to open another thread to continue the issue, the member in question may be suspended indefinitely. Such circumstances should be dealt with by a Director in private via email.
The Board of Directors
The Board of Directors may be consulted by a Director regarding decisions over isurvive.org.
If you are dissatisfied with decisions made by a Director, please feel free to forward your concerns to the Board at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Violation of Guidelines
- You will be contacted by a Director via email and you may be immediately suspended from the forum or chat room while we work things through
- You will be contacted by a Director via email and, once again, you may be immediately suspended from the forum or chat room while we work things through. Your account may be locked down for one week. Following this, it is your responsibility to contact a Director to have your access reinstated
- A contract may be drawn up for your continued participation
- Should this occur, your membership will be permanently revoked
Please note that:
Severe or excessive violations of our Terms and Conditions of Use will result in your immediate and permanent suspension of isurvive.org without notice.
Occasionally, despite our best efforts to aid participation, isurvive.org is not always a good fit for members. We must consider the entire membership in such circumstances and sometimes it’s best that we part company, for the well-being of all.