NOT ME

An area for new members to introduce themselves, as well as a place where all members can share concerns, questions or general posts.
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underbridges
Member
Posts: 129
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2013 10:08 pm

NOT ME

Post by underbridges »

Sorry i need to write shit out today....Everyone keeps patting me on my fucking back..everyone keeps telling me good job..everyone keeps caring about me..Not me..i am not any of that at all..Im something else,a left over walking zombie,something i cant get help for,something that cant fucking breathe and dont fucking care..im tired of this shit..I don't want my fucking back patted,i dont want to shake fucking hands i just want to crawl back in my fucking hole ..im fucked up,really fucked up,severely fucked up..I have pain that Drs cant fix,i have thoughts i cant get rid offffff!!..i have hurt that these motherfuckers could never ........................This fucking cute smile is cardboard dumb motherfucker,fake ass mother fucking smile that i put in your face.....I hate myself i hate myself i hate myself..and i hate the motherfucker jimmy that grew up down the street from me..with his loving parents and his family of union workers..Fucker was up my church smiling with his family and new truck..fuck him..His family knew how my house was,the seen police there and heard the fighting..Fuck them smile at me and say wow you look good..What the fuck does that mean..Looks..who gives a fuck about looks you fucking son of bitch..I would rip my face off for one day at feeling what ever you back patters good job saying mother fuckers feel..I handed out gifts to my kids on christmas still with the nightmare i just had fresh on my mind..Do you have screaming in your head while your talking to me,i do you fuck,i can hear my heart beat over the screams and hear you...Im fucking a multitask,smile and hate and hurt and cry all at once ....Im not here,this isnt me..I dont know me,i fucking never came back,this body and smiling face is something but it aint me..You couldnt handle me fucker,its better im not heres a buck ask god for more you greedy bastard.....Go pray like you are some kind of fucking believer....Go put money in the fucking brass bowl and get the fuck out of here..I look good,im doing a good job,i cant believe how young you look...WHY? You thought that poor mother fucker down the street shoukld be dead by now..Fuck you...way to go!Say way to go again and i may invite myself back just for you .. Fuck you every fucking one....Its not Me ..........
We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.
HealingHearts
Member
Posts: 4886
Joined: Thu May 17, 2012 11:32 pm

Re: NOT ME

Post by HealingHearts »

Yay
we hear you
Last edited by Harmony on Fri Dec 27, 2013 2:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited trigger indicator ST to NT
Together we are stronger...
Harmony
Site Admin
Site Admin
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Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:10 pm

Re: NOT ME

Post by Harmony »

Dear underbridges,

You did a good job of saying what is on your mind. You are heard. Just here as a witness to your pain and anguish.

with comfort if you wish,
Harmony
underbridges
Member
Posts: 129
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2013 10:08 pm

Re: NOT ME

Post by underbridges »

I did not do well through this Christmas...I was fighting again... slammed a guy at the food bank,he scratched up my face some...so i probably wont be going there anymore..I did a lousy job at work this week,didn't even care..Im tired of the same blah blah blah therapy,more medicine,bi polar,depression,anxiety,mood disorder,and everything else they say but they never address my pain.They dont want to know about it or know me....Never listen to me..Im so tired..Sit in this group every week listening to people complain about their kids acting up..or the neighbor sucks,their girl friend is cheating..what is this fucking group?i try to talk about kids or dog and fit in but it just tears me apart inside to sit week after week and make this fucking fake friendly talk.... They said it was depression anxiety? all i hear is smoked some good shit this week end and it messed my head up...I think my dog got worms,my mom wont loan me any more money..What the fuck are these people talking about..Im here to figure out how i can get through another day,week,month,yr..I want out...I need out....I cant take this phony therapy another minute..Its a fucking joke,its not therapy at all.Its a scam to collect money,any one can see that...Its a room with coffee and questions but no fucking answers.And this lady running it,can she dress any sexier for us,i mean what the fuck...You need to show your goods that fucking bad you need to do it in front of a room full of medicated patients.Wipe that fucking smile off,put a longer skirt on and fucking help someone or send someone in here that will say more than,thanks for sharing and awww i hope things get better....i dont belong there..but its where im at again...,i dont belong any where?but im always somewhere.... i feel like im floating again like im just not anything..i just float around and they make me appointment and tell me im bi polar or im suffering from a mood disorder or im depressed...AND THEN?????..I'm isolated and theres all these people around me...Talking to me and i never remember a thing they say,i just dont want to....All i remember is..blah blah blah
Last edited by Harmony on Fri Dec 27, 2013 10:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited trigger indicator from MT to ST
We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.
HealingHearts
Member
Posts: 4886
Joined: Thu May 17, 2012 11:32 pm

Re: NOT ME

Post by HealingHearts »

Hey Underbridges
has anyone ever talked to you about DID?
Just wondered.
HH
Together we are stronger...
quixote
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 1550
Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:14 am

Re: NOT ME

Post by quixote »

underbridges,
Sometimes all we can do is get through the day. Keep posting, okay?
quixote
underbridges
Member
Posts: 129
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2013 10:08 pm

Re: NOT ME

Post by underbridges »

No i never heard of DID..can i go there? Is it in my area?
Last edited by Harmony on Sat Dec 28, 2013 10:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited trigger indicator MT to NT
We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.
HealingHearts
Member
Posts: 4886
Joined: Thu May 17, 2012 11:32 pm

Re: NOT ME

Post by HealingHearts »

It is not a place
It is a state of being
Typically a clever response by kids to prolonged trauma
Last edited by Harmony on Sat Dec 28, 2013 10:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited trigger indicator from MT to NT
Together we are stronger...
underbridges
Member
Posts: 129
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2013 10:08 pm

Re: NOT ME

Post by underbridges »

I havent heard DID before..Im 50 not a kid anymore..
Last edited by Harmony on Sat Dec 28, 2013 10:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited trigger indicator from MT to NT
We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.
HealingHearts
Member
Posts: 4886
Joined: Thu May 17, 2012 11:32 pm

Re: NOT ME

Post by HealingHearts »

I am 52
not a kid either
but I was a kid when the abuse started.
actually I was a baby when it started
Together we are stronger...
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