Shame

[Blue Orchid]

Can people share what has helped them with massive shame. I'm posting this in the Open Forum because I think it's common to all types of survivors. I have read so much, worked so much, done so much, and it's like nothing touches it. I have done tons and tons of work on self-compassion, which has made a really huge difference to me in other ways, but all the shame triggers are still just as powerful.
Would love to hear your thoughts
Thanks,
Blue Orchid

[Scars]

Dear Blue Orchid,
the fact that you brought up this topic tells me that you are on a spiritual quest for inner peace. I'm glad you did.

I have found two emotions, that when they are ignited, seem to have a life force of their own: deep shame and earth-shattering grief. Once they are in you they have their own agenda and timing for when they are activated and how they speak to you. I am learning that they will not stop. They refuse to be ignored and demand that you sit with them and just listen sometimes. If I can do that, which is not an easy thing to do, they can be calmed but never extinguished until you have to do it again. It may just be me and my dissociative personality, but I think it might be true of everyone. Does this seem true to your experiences?

I have found 2 books that really helped me with shame. Soul Without Shame by Byron Brown and It's Not Your Fault by Beverly Engel. It's Not Your Fault is easier to read and more interactive with suggestions for journaling and reflection. It would probably be a better starting point for most.

What books or meditations or other resources have been helpful to you?

<3 scars

[Blue Orchid]

Hi Scars, thanks for your response. I think what I am realizing is that nothing feels like it has worked because some of these emotions (like shame) are coming from my parts and not my front personality, though the front personality feels them all and doesn't understand them. Or she tries to address them with the long list of tools we have, but nothing works because she is addressing them as if they were hers. I think I need to find a way for the parts to use the tools.

Most helpful--self-compassion letters (written from my core Self or from the perspective of someone I know loves me), Kristin Neff's Soften, Soothe, and Allow. Using a body outline and coloring what the physical sensations feel like and bring up for me or other forms of art. Sometimes guided deep relaxation exercises.

Appreciate the book recs.
Warmly,
Blue Orchid

[Scars]

Hello again, Blue Orchid.

My latest battle with shame was definitely from a 7 year old part who is non-verbal and communicates through body sensations and emotional flashbacks. I haven't found any resources yet to point me to a tool for that. I am still trying to make her feel safe and loved and believe that I will never leave her alone again. I've made progress with the panic attacks and her wanting to die, but I think we are a long way from dealing with the shame she carries. One thing at a time, I guess.

Now I'm even more interested in this thread and what others contribute.
wishing you the best,
scars

[igrowflowers]

I was shamed and blamed too.
That is something I still fight doing to myself, now.
I am trying to relive my childhood as an old person, and have fun!
What did you like to do at age 7?
I rode the carousel and ate cotton candy and bought a crap ton of GUM and chewed it all at once.

[Blue Orchid]

Haha that's awesome igrowflowers! My poor jaw couldn't take a big wad of gum these days!
I like your approach

[quixote]

Blue Orchid,
Thanks for posting. Shame can be a difficult emotion to manage. Personally, I have felt that talking with others about my shame has helped me. But everyone is different.