On going

A discussion area for anyone who loves a survivor and needs some support of their own.

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Dumbfounded
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Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Jul 08, 2022 12:10 am

On going

Post by Dumbfounded »

My daughters case is still on going but I wanted to put her/my story on here and just get it off my chest. My daughter, who is still very young, was sa by her biodad for 2 years between the ages of 8-10. Her dad and I had an on again off again relationship. We did this for about 10 years before I got pregnant with her. We were not actually "together" at the time. It was one of those I'm not with someone your not with someone type of deals. While I was pregnant with her I got really sick, lost my job, and we ended up homeless. Bouncing from friend to friend so we didn't have to live in my car. (He wouldn't work) I had her, she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, and we moved in with his mom. When she was a couple of months old we had a fight and he locked himself in a room with her. I called the cops and they told him that because we were not married I had automatic custody of her and he would have to get a lawyer. My dayghter and I moved to my mom's to stay until I could get back on my feet. He visited her twice and then we didn't hear from him anymore. When she turned 6 she started asking about her dad. I got into contact with his sister and through her he contacted us. Turns out she had sisters. We took a vacation to meet up with him for a weekend so he could meet her and she could meet her sisters. Over the next year her dad and I reconnected and we decided to try and make it work for her and her sisters. I moved my angel into his home, away from everything she knew, and it was good for a bit. (Other than his crazy mother who lived with him) After being with him for a few months, old habits started to resurface. He would lie to me and his lies are so bad they are not believable. He quit his job and I had to pay all the bills so he could be a stay at home dad and home school the kids. He would start getting angry and yell at me and blame me for everything that went wrong. I was afraid to leave. I was afraid to not be able to take my step daughters with me. So I stayed and endured and tried to be the buffer. I left after being with him for 4 years. My once beautiful daughter was a shell of herself and I didn't think she could endure any more verbal tounge lashings. So we left. (I had to leave my step daughters) We kept in contact for a while so he could know what was going on with our daughter. A few months ago she asked me what a word ment that she learned from a friend. That word was pedophile. I explained what it ment. She got contemplative. Then she said eight words that made my heart drop. "Mommy, I think my dad is a pedophile" I said are you sure, she said "yes he's done thing to me" I told her that I believe her and it wasn't her fault and that we were going to the police in the morning (it was almost midnight) She herself hasn't told me about the things he has done to her but the detective in charge of her case has given me a short summery of the things she said to the investigators. It turns out that she told her grandmother(father's mom) and she didn't do anything about it. The things that little girl went through is absolutely appalling and infuriating. My daughter has also recently stated that her grandmother wouldn't let her eat while I was at work and told her she was too fat and needed to lose weight. She would lock her in her room or use a paddle on her if one of her sister said she was doing something wrong. They were all basically trained that my daughter was the bad one and should be punished. This is just the things she has told me. She's not ready to tell me about anything else. She is getting help. She was diagnosed with cptsd and has a really good therapist. She going to self defense classes. She uses art for therapy as well. I have been told to seek a therapist for myself to help with the anger and self loathing for allowing him back into our lives. I looking but its hard to find one in my area that is accepting new patients that are not court ordered. I also worry so much for her sisters. The case is still ongoing so they are still living with those people. I don't know if anything is going on with them but I can only guess it is. I was told that on some of the occasions when we're were younger and separated he was arrested for accusations of sa against a minor. Three times to be exact. But he was never convicted.


Sorry for such a long post. I needed to get it off my mind a little. My cup was full and it was starting to spill over. Thank you for reading and I hope all of you are beginning to heal.
Dumbfounded
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Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Jul 08, 2022 12:10 am

Re: On going

Post by Dumbfounded »

For clarification: I would work and be gone for up to 72 hours at a time then come home and shower and sleep for a few hours before interacting with the kids. So she would go sometimes 3 to 4 days without eating. Then only be allowed to eat a small portion of food depending on who made it for her that day.
Last edited by Aspen on Fri Jul 15, 2022 8:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT for no triggering detail
Aspen
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Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:24 pm

Re: On going

Post by Aspen »

Hello Dumbfounded,

What you wrote was very brave and your feelings are justified. It's wonderful that your daughter disclosed to you enough to get started, and that you followed through and protected her when you knew. Getting a counselor for yourself is a good idea, as is writing for support.

You're not alone. Keep writing, people here care.

Aspen
Progress
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Posts: 937
Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2021 10:18 pm

Re: On going

Post by Progress »

I care too.
Benjamin
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Posts: 43
Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2022 9:23 am

Re: On going

Post by Benjamin »

You are brave
Last edited by Serenity on Tue Feb 14, 2023 12:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT for no triggering detail
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