The trees all looked like scary men

[Progress]

Went for a little hike in the woods with my guy and my dog. I got triggered out of the blue and suddenly a far off tree looked like a scary man out in the woods. And I stared at him until I realized he was just a tree. And then another tree far off to the other side looked like another scary man. Repeat the intense staring, ready to jump into fight or flight, until I realize it’s just another tree. So then I’m all edgy and jumpy, continuing to think all these different trees in the distance are creepy, dangerous men.

And then I talked to my collective, Look, every creepy man turns out to be a tree. We’re hiking with my guy, who’s here in the present, and he’s safe, and we’re with my dog who is a giant, loud, bark-y German shepherd, who would bite and then eat anybody who tried to harm us. We are safe. Super safe. I also focused on my footsteps and on feeling the ground under my feet with each step. I kept repeating my thoughts about being safe.

I’m posting this here on this forum because I was able to talk my collective off the ledge so to speak, until I was fully back in the present. Grounded again. And I knew when I was back because the trees were all just trees again. Nothing was scary, I didn’t have the heebie jeebies and I was back out for a plain old nice hike.

Later my guy said he thought I was getting tired because I slowed down. I told him I wasn’t tired, just doing all that really hard invisible work. And it’s funny when I started to try to explain how the trees looked like scary men, I stumbled over my words, mumbled and stuttered. My sentences were pretty much almost nonsensical, and my thoughts were all out of order. Omg, he tried so hard to follow what I was saying, but he was just like, ummmmm, what? Something made it really really hard for me to speak about it.

Finally I told myself, Find. Your. Voice. You can do it. And then I did. Nice and confident, clear and at a good volume. My explanation had a beginning, a middle, and an end, the way it’s supposed to be. I feel like my adult self took over the task of telling my guy what had been going on in my head. And my part that had been triggered was relieved. She just couldn’t do it, couldn’t explain the feelings out in the woods, and that’s ok. She really didn’t have to. She just needed to be cared for by adult me.

I just wanted to share. Getting grounded is like remembering to practice safety procedures.

Have a good, peaceful night everyone,
Progress

[Watercolor]

What a beautiful post, Progress. I'm not glad that you had to walk through that experience. But since it arose within your life, I am thankful for the way things played out, the steps you took--though wearying. And the very positive outcome, both with your own collective and with the adult communication with your guy. It sounds like peace of mind and heart at the end.

You're a hard worker, emotionally. And I so respect that and admire your perseverance and wisdom!

[NINGirl]

Progress,

Wow, I identify a lot with this! I sometimes find myself like that - the other night I really wanted to practice some astrophotography - the stars are so pretty and I always want to capture them but get weird about going outside alone after dark. So I pushed through and just reminded my inner self that I’m perfectly safe - I’m out in the wilderness on my own property... no neighbors, no scary things (okay bears and cougars but they haven’t been around since our property burned in a fire a few years ago) ... Anyways, I was taking a few pictures and my pulse started to race and I started getting nervous and looking around and I reminded myself like you seemed to - to like, use techniques that I’ve been working on - and it really helped me ground myself and find my strength. I took some deep breathes and then I just stood there with it, breathing and recognizing my surroundings and my inner self’s fear but not letting it consume me. It was really empowering and felt good to stand strong and tall...

I’m glad you were able to work through that the ways you did... good for you!