Finally a huge milestone

[Adelle]

I've experienced a major shift these past few days.

Since I've penned everything I've experienced since 2017 in detail in the our stories section, I've realised just how much of a motherload younger me has been carrying. I never saw how much she was struggling with and continued to struggle with until I had all 14 pages of it laid out in front of my own eyes.

Prior to the 5th of Jan, whenever she'd try opening up to me, I'd see her as a burden. I'd see her as nothing but a bringer of misery who was preventing me from fully living my life in the present and from celebrating my future. I despised her and I hated her for bringing me so many "issues". I felt like she was the issue, so I never looked forward to meeting her. I see now that I was terribly wrong.

Truth be told, I was just scared. I was scared because the tales she came with were terrifyingly painful and cruel. I wasn't ready and I couldn't handle it, so I took it out on her and I blamed her. Needless to say, she's felt very hurt.

After revisiting all 14 pages again though, I realized that she was just really trying to open up to me and share her pain. She needed help, yes, but what she really needed most was for someone to be with her in her pain, embrace her tightly, give her big and warm comforting hugs, and constantly reassure her that I'll always be here with her. She needed to know that she wasn't alone and to know that I'll have her back just as much as she has mine.

I see and know better now that she was never a burden. She just had burdens to carry.

She also wasn't the issue. The issue were the people who had deeply and severely wronged her on multiple occasions.

She wasn't bringing me misery; she was being vulnerable. And that's a powerfully brave thing to be despite already being in so much pain.

After realising that she carries my load for me out of an unconditional love for me, I had to do better by her. She's been my number one supporter and I haven't done much for her.

I've vowed to spend more time with her ever since and attend to her every need. In these last few days, I've held her when she needed me too, gave her big warm tight hugs when she wanted them, reassured her that I was there for her and I was never going to leave her, played with her, laughed with her, asked her questions about how she feels and what she wants, included her in my day-to-day decision making and just overall really listening to her.

And man, is she amazing.

She's incredibly curious and loving. She's outspoken and outgoing. She's shy at times when she feels afraid, but she's the brightest light in the world once she opens up. She's cheeky and can be up to lots of mischief! She's wonderfully kind, playful and has a wonderful sense of humor! She's not afraid to take herself less seriously and she loves the outdoors! She's all about being sporty and being active that I struggle to keep up with her sometimes! She has a strong sense of right and wrong, and she is clear about what she wants most of the time. She's not unafraid to dream big and is mightily ambitious! She's brave, energetic and incredibly hardworking too! She's also highly cerebral and I love it about her!

These are just qualities I've observed after spending two days with her and I've never felt truer bliss in my life before than from our time together.

I've often thought that in order for younger me and I to move forward and find happiness, I had to lead her in our process of healing. I know now that I really just needed to learn how to co-exist with her. Understanding this lesson has brought me the most happiness I've felt in my entire life and for the first time in my over 2 decades of living, I finally feel like I'm doing just that - living!

Younger me and I deserve this. She's fought hard battles most her life and as for me, I've merely been learning to overcome her battles. Really we've just been surviving and it is no way of living. Now that we've overcome the hardest parts together, we get to look forward in complete excitement and build the life we want for ourselves. Who better for me to do this with than with the person who loves me most.

Finally being able to see her has been my greatest accomplishment to date and this is a huge milestone for me. Our years of pain has finally felt worth it. I know there's more good things to come now and I couldn't have asked for a better person to enjoy it with.

This entry is for you younger me. This is for all the sacrifices you've made and for all the happiness we're about to experience together.

[Crow]

Hey Adelle,


I am so happy for you. This made me smile reading this.
I struggle to understand the inner child thing beyond my understanding that there's a way that I react and feel which is childlike, and an understanding that the wounded child in me holds the pain and memories. Yet there's me who is an adult and hurts too. It's like I can't interact as others do with an inner child in the same way. To me I am just me with pain and memories, and am coping best I can. I'm confused just trying to articulate what I mean! I need to do more looking into this.

Anyway, this isn't the place for that. And this is about you... yay! Really happy that you are in a good place.

Crow

[Adelle]

Hello Crow!

Awww, thank you for sharing my happiness!!

Haha, awwww, I thought you articulated yourself pretty well. I understood everything you were trying to get across!

I think it is completely ok if this inner child thing doesn't work for you as well. From my personal experiences and little research on trauma, I understand that certain tools work for some while some may require other tools in order to heal. This inner child thing doesn't work for me on certain days either, so I need to incorporate other tools during these days.

You mentioned that you wanted to look into this as well. If by this, you mean inner child work, then here's what I have so far that may be helpful for you! I discovered this whole inner child thing through a therapy model call Internal Family Systems or IFS. It's a technique all my therapists to date has encouraged me to work with, hence why I'm able to do it on my own now. It took me a minute to get it as well, but it's worked wonders for me as you've read. I thought I'd share it with you in case you wanted to read up on it more to understand it or even bring it up with your therapist too if you wanted to! If by this, you meant looking into your understanding of how you relate to inner child work and not so much it's model, then please feel free to ignore what I've just said. Hehe.

Thank you again for reading this post and for celebrating my happiness with me! I hope the next few weeks of your time off from work will be extremely kind to you given what you've already been through!

[Crow]

Hi Adelle,

Thank you for explaining that. It was a bit of both actually. I've looked at inner child work very little, and from what I have read I struggle to separate the adult from the child. I think I need to do more reading on it, so thank you for the info you gave me. I do also struggle to relate and apply the theory to myself.

Crow

[dancingfish]

Aw Adelle, what wonderful work you've achieved and how brave you and younger you are! Thank you for sharing your insights and I'm so glad you've found this new place for yourself.

[Bird]

Adelle,

This is such an ispiring story, thank you for sharing it. I am happy for you and your younger you that you have both come that far and are able to experience joy and hapiness together.
Also thanks for the insight into inner child theory, I as well am not really aware of what I do carry within and how to comprehand, but for now it's more than enough to see that it is possible - so thank you for that.

B.

[Kokoschka]

Adelle,
What a wonderful, intelligent post this is!! Looks like you and younger you are just embarking on a wonderful life adventure together. Wish you a kind and safe sailing and that you achieve everything you set your heart and mind on. Kokoschka

[Adelle]

Hello Crow,

I completely hear you. In my first few months of it, I struggled trying to understand it and apply it too, so I needed my therapist to help run through the techniques with me. I was only able to do it about six - ten sessions after, so a step at a time ay?

I hope you've been well since we last spoke!

[Adelle]

Aw Adelle, what wonderful work you've achieved and how brave you and younger you are! Thank you for sharing your insights and I'm so glad you've found this new place for yourself.

Hello dancing fish!

I don't think I've been acquainted with you before, so it's lovely to 'meet' someone new!

Thank you so much for your kind words and you're most welcome for the insights as well! This new relationship I've come to is new to me still, so I'm still learning as each day passes, but I am equally just as glad to be able to be at this point!

[Adelle]

Adelle,

This is such an ispiring story, thank you for sharing it. I am happy for you and your younger you that you have both come that far and are able to experience joy and hapiness together.
Also thanks for the insight into inner child theory, I as well am not really aware of what I do carry within and how to comprehand, but for now it's more than enough to see that it is possible - so thank you for that.

B.

Hello Bird,

I see we haven't spoke before as well, so hello!

You are most welcome for the story! I thank you from the bottom of my core for sharing in mine and younger me's happiness too.

And you're most welcome about the theory! I hope it'll serve you well just like how it has for me, and even if it doesn't, I hope you'll find the tools that most suit your needs. You definitely deserve it!