Birdygirl sends good vibes to everybody!

[birdygirl]

Hello all!
It's been a long time.
Hopefully everybody is doing well.
I am currently two treatments away from completing my 6 treatment round of 5fu, cytoxan, & methotrexate chemo ... Hopefully.
It has been trying at the very least.
Most of my friends have gone because I think they were afraid to see me sick.
My well known distrust of drs has become a whole new complication during this journey.
I have missed all my friends here more than I can describe. Am horribly lonely and aware of how people see me now.
This cancer thing has been the most difficult experience aside from my past AB.
I think of you guys very often and am always wishing you well.
I just wanted to let you guys know that I haven't forgotten about you at all. Quite the opposite - you guys & gals give me strength to sit through each 10 hr treatment & the side effects that follow.
I wish I could find the energy to post more often because I wonder how my friends are doing.
Just can't seem to find the energy to do much of anything.
Wanting to let you guys know that you are sorely missed & cared for.
Sending out good vibes, love , and lots of (((((((((((((( puggy hugs)))))))))))))))))))

[Icarus]

BIRDY!!! My dear dear old pal. I'm so so glad to "see" you again and hear that things have been going well with your treatment so far. So sorry to hear the loss of some fo your friends too, that make smy heart ache because at times like this you need a lot of support around you. I wish I could do more for you and help you out. I cant begin to tell you how much I've been thinking of you and have missed you.....those puggy hugs have been absent form my life for too long now.

Things for me in the last 6 months have been horrific. Full of flashbacks, body memories, sightings, fights, anger taking over etc etc......it is hell for me right now. My life has been hit by cancer too......not my battle, but that of my step mom's so its kicked up a hell of a lot surrounding the cancer that killed my mom and my new found issues around her. I've disappeared also to fight my demons and im still in the depths of a dark battle that I cant seem to find any way out of. Some people in my life have completely overlooked the fact that I'm having such a rough time and have treated me like a leper or a piece of shit on their shoe, and this has made me feel so insignificant that I dont wish to associate myself with them anymore. I'm learning many lessons about people right now and this is adding to my battles. Plus here in the UK there is a massive media coverage of child abuse right now that has been extremely difficult to handle for me.....and yet again people are missing this and acting up with me!! Some people ay!?

Anyways, enough of me going on. I dont come here often anymore because of things but today im glad I did because I found you again and its so god to see you. I'm smiling here knowing you're doing well and I send a tenfold of good vibes just for you and will keep thinking of you too.

Your old pal,
Icarus

Ps. I would love love love to keep in contact with you off of Isurvive, if thats ok?? I will check back here to see if you want to and if it is I'll then ask Jonesy to forward my email address onto you. No worries if its not and you dont feel comfortable with it....I just wanted to check and let you know how much I care about you.

[Starshaped]

Hi birdygirl I literally never come on here any more but another member told me that you had posted and I wanted to come on here to give you some support from another old timer who has thought of you often, particularly as stopping coming on here was a difficult decision as I knew it would mean that some of the people I had come to know and love- like your wonderful self- would not be an active part of my life so much any more... I was sad about that but so grateful that you posted on here and I was lucky enough to find out! I have sent out healing thoughts to you many times over the last... (I dont even know how long its been!)... I am so glad to hear that your chemo is coming to an end... I hope hope hope that this spells tge end of the rvil cancer for you... you always struck me as being the kind of person who would not give up on life just because a horrible thing like cancer told you to! And I have always loved reading your posts and finding out about your life. I always felt that I could relate to you so strongly right from when you first joined this site im not sure if thats a good thing from your perspective lol I would also love to keep in contact with you off the boards as I dont check back here very often at all... if you want to send emails then I can ask jonesy to pass on my email address to you If you dont want to then thats fine too I just wanted to put it out there....

I think you are so amazing fighting this battle birdygirl... keep on fighting, you are so worth it xx

Star xx

[birdygirl]

ICCY !!! So happy to hear from you!
It's absolutely ok with me if Jonesy (( hi Jonesy ) forwards your email. I would be tickled to get mail that's not bills or coupons & from a friend .
Sorry to hear its been tough for you lately. I totally get what you mean though. People can be careless and insensitive to the needs of others. I completely avoid the media & can see where all of the coverage would be hard to see. Thank cheesus for Netflix & ( my fave bbc shows). Lol Americans love us some Downton Abbey.
So glad you decided to reply . Sorry I've been absent lately just feeling all pooped out with zero energy.
My little birdy heart is happy to "see" you here ! Sending you good ((( puggy hugs))) I'm gonna blast some "Icky thump" for you friend.

STAR!! Yay!!! How are you my friend? I was hoping to "see" you around. It's funny a few weeks ago, I thought about WWSD ( what would Star do ) while trying to catch my guy's mom's feral - ish cat. It was a furry fury of cat wrestling and dodging claws. It looked like something out of a movie. I thought to myself ... If Star could only see this.. Heehee. But we finally got it into the carrier- no harm no foul. I've hoped everything was going well for you & sent bunches of good positive vibes to you. So happy somebody told you I posted (( thank you to whoever informed Star I popped by))
I would love to correspond with you . Here lately it's became unbelievably clear who are and aren't positive people in my life. It would tickle me to hear from you . Sorry I haven't kept in touch .
Btw- we staged a renegade flower planting here. Lol. In empty fields that had been abandoned we planted lots of flowers. I planted a star lily for ya! It made the sweet little old lady's day that lives beside the field. She said she was sick of looking at nothing and would love to look out her window to see flowers.
Sending you a whole bunch of ((((((( sneezy pug hugs)))))))
(((( pug hugs for all my sweet friends ))))

[HealingHearts]

(((Birdygirl)))
I am so happy to see your post here! I have thought of you so much and wondered how you are doing. I am glad that you are almost done with your treatments! That is so awesome! I am sorry that friends have dropped away. It is such a hard thing to go through and you can use all the support you can get. Soon you will be done and will start to grow strong again. It is a kind of hell in and of itself. One I hope never to have to do again! I am supposed to see my oncologist tomorrow but canceled -- I don't want to see him right now ... I will see him in July instead. I am now 3.5 years cancer free. I hope you are taking gentle care of yourself. Please keep us posted on your progress. Sending lots of kitty kisses!!!
HealingHearts

[Harmony]

Welcome home birdygirl,

Hope you are kicking some cancer behind! You have many friends here who are so glad to see you again. Make yourself comfy and kick back with us. Set a spell and tell us your pug stories.


It was also pleasant to see the guest appearance of our long lost Starshaped and Icarus. Setting out chairs for you all. Make yourselves comfy. You are most welcome here in Old Timers.

warmly,
Harmony

[birdygirl]

Healing Hearts( congrats on the 3 yr mark!) & Harmony ( hi sweet friend!!!!! )
hey there friends ! (( pug hugs)) it's been a while huh? Yep. I'm almost done with chemo treatments. On the plus side...
This girl hasn't had to shave my legs in months. Lol
The pups have been on full throttle protector mode since I got sick. Spart even knows which side of my chest the port is on; he barely hops when he wants to get in my lap. Sampug has started randomly scream- barking at the fish tanks. ( not sure what the fish have done to offend the pugster) Hee Hee and the Chloe-B Yorkie from Yorkshire.. He's gone from 4 lbs of toy terrier to 10 ft tall and bullet proof( so he thinks) . He charged and bit my guy for trying to move me off the couch after a treatment. My guy said he's never seen a tiny dog go so nuts. Chloe is my little guard dog , all 4 lbs of him.
In other news... I'm trying to inform everybody that there is a new cold cap system. It has allowed me to keep the majority of my hair. The caps have to be stored near dry ice hours before treatment then the temp must be lowered to a chilly -34 Fahrenheit . I have to start the caps 50mins before treatment, change them every 30 mins, and for two hours after treatment. Wanna talk about some brain freeze?! Lol
It seems like torture while they are on my head but keeping my hair was shockingly important to me. What hair was left after the donation to Locks of Love. ( they make wigs for kids with cancer from donated hair-it must be at least 8 inches I think)
Sad today because its beautiful outside and I can't garden. Can't dig in the garden, can't kayak on the river, can't do much of anything. Thank goodness a friend gave me an indoor garden to play with.
So grateful to hear from you today !!
Thank you for replying & sending good vibes. I've missed you .
Thanks for letting me rant a bit.
Turns out ... Cancer is not as scary as I thought it would be. You hear the cancer word and everything goes quiet . But then you realize... I've got to fight this thing; and human nature's will to survive kicks in and suddenly all the little things that used to worry me are now trivial . This adventure has definitely given me perspective if nothing else.
So what if I barf in public? I had a guy move away from me because I was wearing a mask. He said ,
" I don't want to sit beside the sick lady. Look at her , she's sick & I ain't catching what she's got!"
I said,
" don't worry your pretty little head Sir. I have breast cancer. It's not contagious. I'm trying to protect myself from you; that's why I'm wearing a mask. So that I don't get any of the litany if cooties I'm sure you're carrying !"
Lol two of the ladies that were in line started clapping! Great guilt trip by Birdy
It was one of those moments when complete strangers let me know that I had their support. It was awesome!
Sorry I droned on & on .
Sending out good vibes to all my sweet friends!!! Hope everything is good for you today !
((((( puggy huggies))))))

[HealingHearts]

Hi Birdy
that is awesome that you got to keep your hair! Way to go with the silly man in the market. I would have clapped too! Take gentle care of you.
HH

[Icarus]

Yay, nice one Birdy......have sent email to Jonesy asking her to pass my details onto you. Be an honour to send you emails that dont consist of adverts, bills etc etc. Speak to you soon.

Harmony, thanks for the chair......I'll sit quietly here.

Icarus

[Starshaped]

hey again Birdy....

I was thrilled to get your reply my friend you made me smile as always.... WWSD lmao.... I love it.... star would definitely have clapped you in the market, or maybe I would have made a comment to him on your behalf... not that I would have needed to, YOU handled it BEAUTIFULLY!!!

I am so glad that your spirits seem high, I would hate to think of the beautiful, vibrant , witty gal who I know and love, laying on her sickbed and festering in sickly smelling sheets.... It warms my heart that you went out a recalaimed a field with flowers and made your neighbour smile in the process. There are lots of good people in this world, I TOTALLY believe that, but you are of a rarer ilk, you are super smashingly brilliant and right now you are one of my heros... If I ever have to deal with the C word in my life, I hope I can do it with your level of panache and humour. You are a sparkly girl indeed and I am glad to know you

I hope that I will be sending you mail that is not bills, coupons or adverts (though I LOVE the coupon ones actually, Im a mean feind when it comes to couponing!) very soon... I love to write emails that go on for miles and waffle on at tangents for hours on end hahahaha you may regret your wish to correspond with me yet... heehee!

Im glad that you are having some success with the cold caps, my partner's step mom is going through chemo for breast cancer at the moment and she has been using the copd caps to with a good amount of sucess,I think she has a couple of thinning patches but largely has retained her whole head of shining locks which she is eternally grateful for- keeping her hair was really important to her too, but she took precuautions and had a couple of wigs made in her hair clour that are really convincing and would not be noticed as wigs at all, but luckily she managed to keep her own hair! hurrah for cold caps.... though I heard from her that they are actually pretty unpleasant to sit with.... like I said before.... you are my hero!

I enjoyed reading about your dogs - as you know I am a proud ownder of the feistiest little jack russell/chihuahua cross in the whole of Europe.... but I think your brood would give my molly a run for her money!it will be lovely when we are able to email one another cos I can bore you to distraction with my molly photographs

thinking of you birdy...

Love,

Star xx