How are you dealing with work?

[Geckoking]

I'm just wondering how people are doing at work?

Unfortunately I have encountered bullying in the work place, and have responded with dissociation. I was told that during dissociative episodes I have had unhinged rants, have offended people, given away personal information, including about my trauma, and made up random stories that are not true. I have no idea where this comes from. I must assume it's a fight or flight response of my body.

Of course that doesn't make it ok or less embarrassing. Mortifyingly I mostly don't remember those episodes. So it comes to me as a surprise when people say or mention things, or treat me like the lunatic I have made myself out to be.

I am not sure I will ever be able to do a job again as the mere idea of it terrified me.

What is your experience. Do you have any advice?

[Scars]

hello geckoking,

it sounds like a protector felt the need to protect you. they don't always use the best skills because they are often stuck in trauma time. and then the shame comes calling with the confusion of hearing about things we weren't present for.

unfortunately, we have let the shame cause us to never go back, hide from professors, bosses and occasionally even from friends.
we have also faced up and held conversations that were hard, where the professors, bosses and friends gave us grace and made it OK to return to the relationship.

it takes a lot of courage to speak up for yourself afterwards.

we are sending courage and wisdom to do what is best for you,

<3 scars

[EasyStreet]

Hi, Geckoking,

I have had a long history of outbursts and public meltdowns (tortured/bullied by older brother, parents ignored it) during a professional career, and they have cost me promotions, etc. Sad but true. But it's you! YOU! And your loyalty has to begin with YOU!

Hold your head high. Either work things out with your current environment, or else move on with as much grace as you can. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself.

You have value. You have worth. Learn to recognize and honor your own value and worth. And try to move toward the good, whatever that is for you.

Don't let other people's uninformed judgements hurt you. They are just chaff in the wind if you let them be. Easier said than done, it takes work. I don't claim success, but I claim significant progress.

Sending self-acceptance and self-love vibes if that is ok.

And keep on keeping on.
ES

[Geckoking]

hello geckoking,

it sounds like a protector felt the need to protect you. they don't always use the best skills because they are often stuck in trauma time. and then the shame comes calling with the confusion of hearing about things we weren't present for.

Thank you so much. That makes sense. Thank you for the kind words. It feels good to be understood and not judged. Thank you.

[Geckoking]

Hold your head high. Either work things out with your current environment, or else move on with as much grace as you can. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself.

Thank you so much for your reply and kindness.

To be honest, there is no grace, compassion or understanding at my work place. I am definitely going to move on.

[EasyStreet]

Hi Geckoking,

I hear you. I’ve had to do that several times. A challenge you could do without.

Take care and good luck job hunting! Never give up!
ES