New here and looking forward to connecting

[FinitePhoenix]

I've written this out 18 times now so I'm just going to go with this one. Hi everyone, my name is finitephoenix and I am new here. I've never been in a forum before and I've never written my story out like I will do here. I wrote an introduction yesterday but was two pages in and still going strong when I thought maybe I should make this a little easier on everyone and keep this to an actual intro and then share more as we get to know each other. I grew up with 5 older brothers and a twin, who is also a boy. Yes, that means I was the only girl in the family other than my mother. You probably already know how the rest goes. My parents and even half of my siblings are amazing people (with their own shortcomings) but 3/6 brothers were SA and it went on almost daily for 12-13 years. We were homeschooled and part of a religious cult for the better part of my childhood (not that I really had one) and there was a lot of brainwashing, gaslighting and oppression. My abuse stopped when I was 16 but my healing didn't start for another 5 years. I am here now because after 7 years of cleaning up my life from all the self-destructive behavior and horrendous coping skills, and healing from my awful reactive life that went on for 10 years after the abuse stopped, I still have no one to talk to about my experiences and how I interpret them. I have shared my story (but never in full) to family and close friends but no one can relate and no one actually understands. I’ve cut pretty much everyone out over the years and I'm trying to rectify that now or at least make new connections because at this point in my healing that's what I need. Connection and to be heard. This hardly scratches the surface but that's it in a tiny nutshell. I am so thankful to have finally found this space and I am so looking forward to sharing more and hearing your stories as well.

FinitePhoenix
(hitting submit and not looking back)

[Jonesy]

Hi FinitePhoenix

A very warm welcome to isurvive - glad you found us. Always someone around here

[Rosahope]

Welcome FinitePhoenix!

[FinitePhoenix]

Thank you Jonesy and Rosahope, I really appreciate it.
Very grateful to be here

[Scars]

Dear FinitePhoenix,
I am honored to meet you. Your need for connection and understanding can definitely be met here.
I look forward to learning more about you and will look for your post.

Here on isurvive you will be seen and heard (in a virtual format). I have found this to be a safe place and I think you will too.
<3 scars

[Kristi]

Hi FinitePhoenix. I am new here too, just joined this week. I have already found it freeing to be able to finally begin to talk about things I could otherwise not talk about.

[grandma in pain]

Welcome, FinitePhoenix. I'm glad you found us, but I am so sorry for all that brought you here. You will find others who understand and relate to you completely and you will be heard, and most of all, believed.

grandma in pain

[Oceantide]

Dear FinitePhoenix, thank you for introducing us to some of your painful story. I trust you will find this a supportive place to feel heard and make connections. Welcome!

[Redisfinallyfree]

Welcome FinitePhoenix.

Redisfinallyfree