I am new

An area for new members to introduce themselves, as well as a place where all members can share concerns, questions or general posts.
Everyone is welcome here.

Moderators: Harmony, quixote, Jonesy

igrowflowers
Member
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Jan 24, 2023 2:47 am

I am new

Post by igrowflowers »

I'm brand new. Joined because I'm one of you but no one else in my life currently is.
Thank you for being here for me. I am listening and I care.
Rosahope
Member
Posts: 386
Joined: Sun Dec 05, 2021 5:08 pm

Re: For the Newbies and Those Thinking of Joining

Post by Rosahope »

Welcome igrowflowers!
Blue Orchid
Member
Posts: 96
Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2015 4:25 pm

Re: For the Newbies and Those Thinking of Joining

Post by Blue Orchid »

Glad you are here igrowflowers!
"Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." ~A.A. Milne
Oceantide
Member
Posts: 938
Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2021 12:20 am

Re: For the Newbies and Those Thinking of Joining

Post by Oceantide »

welcome, igrowflowers!
Redisfinallyfree
Member
Posts: 498
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2022 6:37 pm

Re: For the Newbies and Those Thinking of Joining

Post by Redisfinallyfree »

Welcome igrowflowers!
Jonesy
Director
Director
Posts: 15746
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:44 pm

Re: I am new

Post by Jonesy »

Hi igrowflowers

Glad to have you here with us ;)
You are important

Email: jonesy@isurvive.org
igrowflowers
Member
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Jan 24, 2023 2:47 am

Re: I am new

Post by igrowflowers »

Thank you all.

I came here because I had a very painful childhood. Was spanked for asking for a toy or gum/candy in the store, knocked down and yelled at for not working fast enough in the yard, etc.
Both parents dysfunctional and I have been rejected by the abusive one and recently told by the enabling one that I need to "let it go" because they "are not available" to me to process the pain.
I have a happy life now except for when I try to discuss the past with that parent and she tells me things like "Your relationship with X is YOUR problem" or "I was the one hurt the most, I tried to protect you."
She did NOT protect me very well. Telling her that I am still working through the pain has met with rejection, silent treatment, and unkindness.
It's all about her, and always will be, so I have come here to grieve the lousy childhood, the loss of both parents, and the fact that I never mattered to them and was invisible.
I feel ripped off, when I remember how I was treated. No one deserves to be hurt by those they trust and depend on.
I became a mandated reporter with ZERO tolerance for abuse, and I have "made the call" to CYS at every opportunity, because no one did that for me.
The sad thing is...I loved the people who mistreated me, and still do.
However, I am trying to stop hoping that one day, they will see the damage they did and apologize.
"I'm sorry" is not in their vocabulary.
That's all for now about me. I grow flowers and am far away from them, at peace...until I think about their meanness which I will never understand.
Oceantide
Member
Posts: 938
Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2021 12:20 am

Re: I am new

Post by Oceantide »

Dear igrowflowers,

I'm so sorry that you had to endure so much pain. Sometimes the enabling one is the most painful one to deal with: their callous denial, selfishness, lies about having protected us. I'm very familiar with the lines your mother uses. Both of your parents are so totally lacking in empathy, so narcissistic. It's cruel and utterly devastating to have parents like that.

Like you, I loved my abuser parents. It's sad your parents are incapable of loving you back. But it says everything about your capacity to love (flowers, the children you protect as a mandated reporter) and everything about their limitations. I hope you know you are very deserving of love. It is all about their unresolved issues.

Listening and caring, Oceantide
igrowflowers
Member
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Jan 24, 2023 2:47 am

Re: I am new

Post by igrowflowers »

Oceantide...thank you. Just for the validation. I've been so utterly sad since my last contact with mom. She's cut me off, does not respond at all.
Maybe I am better off, but it's painful. I feel like the fault is mine, although logic tells me it's not.
Took me so very long to stand up for myself, that possibly I did it too strongly and bluntly, but that's the only way I could get it out how I was feeling.
Yes, I love others and going through what we all have gone through makes us three-dimensional, doesn't it? More able to see others and perhaps help them. :)
The empathy isn't there for me. As I told my DH tonight at dinner...it's like I'm invisible and then punished for trying to be seen.
They (my parents) think they loved me. It was controlling, and I think they loved me when I did what they expected/wanted.
I've been grateful for the support of everyone's comments here. The pain is a little less because I'm not alone.
THANK YOU. :)
Oceantide
Member
Posts: 938
Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2021 12:20 am

Re: I am new

Post by Oceantide »

igrowflowers wrote: Sun Jan 29, 2023 12:08 am it's like I'm invisible and then punished for trying to be seen.
Yes, it's so hard. I used to call myself "an inconvenient truth." Being my honest self was inconvenient to them. I'm glad you found iSurvive. Hugs (if wanted), Oceantide
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