Letting go

[Harmony]

Hi Honeyberra,

Your message was present and legible. Sorry for your difficulties posting. This one was just fine.


Harmony

[honeybera]

I'm having trouble getting started (as I often do when trying new things). I need to begin (AND CONTINUE) to eat new foods, and I am really dragging my feet. I wonder why I do that? I was going to use one type of blender to make a Superfoods Shake each day with my one meal (I'm still fasting), but I've still not had one shake yet!! I have everything I need (frozen blueberries, bananas, and red grapes, + kefir and spinach and collards and mushrooms and almonds and a TON of other stuff). I'm ordering some green matcha tea ATM to add to my daily smoothie. I have decided to use my BlendTec blender to make my smoothies nice and smooth with these wonderful cancer preventing and/or blocking foods. But I either get to making them (and NOT just thinking about making them!) or I have to just give up and go in for "treatments" (Aromatase Inhibitor [AI] pills for the next 5-10 yrs. + risky, possibly harmful radiation). I CHOOSE THE SMOOTHIES! BUT I HAVE TO DO IT!!! EVERY FLIPPIN' DAY!!! Not a problem...once I get everything set up in the kitchen.

I think what I have to do is JUST DO IT. Just like everything else. JUST DO IT! Make it a top priority and get it done. I'm not trying to whine. I'm trying to improve myself...and avoid the ridiculous "treatments" for a 4% improvement in my NOT HAVING any cancer RECURRENCE. (OMG, how they LOVE that word: RECURRENCE!!) If I do absolutely nothing (since we caught it so early, it hadn't spread YET, and they're claiming that they "GOT IT ALL"), I have a 92% chance of NEVER having any recurrence of breast cancer again...and I am darned near 76 yrs. old! IF I GO THROUGH THEIR TORTUROUS AND PAINFUL TREATMENTS (with NO guarantees of it helping me in any way), my CHANCES of RECURRENCE improve by a mere 4%! Up to 96%. I really need to simply get my rear in gear and make a darned SMOOTHIE instead...which mimics the AI treatment anyway! BUT the AI pills would give me hot flashes and cripplingly painful arthritis. It gets so bad (I hear) that I could lose my ability to get out of bed or walk around the house. ( I'm convincing myself by telling you the why's and how's of this!) It just makes common sense to do it this way.

Since I almost died on the surgical table due to the anesthesia (I WARNED THEM IN ADVANCE, BUT THEY REFUSED TO LISTEN TO ME!), I can't undergo any further surgery anyway for anything EVER AGAIN according to my surgeon: "I'd be uncomfortable taking you into surgery again". That's good enough for me. But I can't keep on procrastinating like this. If I do nothing, I have more than a nine out of ten chance that I'll be just fine. If I drink a health related smoothie instead of taking radiation and pills, the smoothie benefits put me back up to probably the 96% range again anyhow. I'll be using SUPER healthy foods that I really enjoy eating and I just found out that I can still use Erythritol sweeteners because they're considered safe and don't cause or support cancer growth. I do want to be careful. But now I find I can still have my blueberry-almond flour muffins (and other sweets, like cakes, cookies, and even pies - in moderation, of course) without concern. AND a berry smoothie, too! Can't beat that with a stick!!

Thanks so much for being there so I can write this all out and figure things out! I have my answers: make the FIRST smoothie! I know me. Once I get to making them, I'll get really good at it and probably enjoy it! I can also make savory things, too, like a Mushroom Gravy with hamburger and onions + some other veggies in it, like broccoli or cabbage + another can of drained mushrooms added. Mushrooms are as powerful an anti-cancer food as blueberries or my beloved cruciferous veggies or onions, raw garlic, or turmeric. A combo of meat gravy and veggies is not only one of my FAVORITE meals, but it's very low carb, too. And I understand that the Matcha green tea gives energy, but also a sense of calmness.

============================(next day: Sunday evening)

OK, so I am the luckiest girl in the world!!!! THIS DID NOT ERASE, even though I was SURE that it would when I forgot and shut it down last night without sending it (as is my bad habit)...BUT IT DIDN'T!!!! YAY!!! Before bed last night, I got completely sidetracked and began to read more about the good health benefits of various cancer-reducing foods out there, and I ran across more regarding Matcha Green Tea. Now Matcha is no ordinary green tea. I'm not a big fan of green tea, or of any tea really, but I will drink it IF it has bc reducing benefits...and it does. And Matcha is VERY different than other green teas and is 1000% better for me. I've never been aware of it before this, but I got quite an education about it last night: a lot of its history in ancient Chinese medicine, how to mix it properly, yet easily, how it's harvested, dried, powdered, and sold, and where to buy it. Come to find out it will address both my lack of energy AND depression AND will help reduce my CHANCES of bc RECURRENCE!! AND I can put it into my smoothie, too. That should be some potent daily smoothie!!

There are even claims that it will help with weight loss, which I can see would happen if it helps me have more energy to do more chores around here. I think that's how I lost so much weight while N was here in 2010: I lost 93 lbs. in the 10 months he was here without even trying, just doing low carb and being more active. My diabetes was gone, I felt like I was FLYING LIGHTLY across the parking lot at work (from my RV parked there), I had already lost 11" off my waist (belly fat), and I was happy. But after he left, I gained back 60 lbs. of it within 3 months and became sedentary again after work. My energetic buddy was gone. Diabetes slowly came back. Cancer happened slowly from that time to this. So I have high hopes for this new Matcha Green Tea that I've ordered along with a frothing pot to mix it in to reverse things again for me. I'll happily do the work involved as long as I have the energy to do it. So hot, cold (in a smoothie), or iced, I'm going to try out this Matcha Green Tea. It's all on its way.

Wish me luck! Could it all have been this easy to do? Just get some Matcha Green Tea? We'll see. One of the worst problems for me is my obesity; THAT is one of the main risks for bc recurrence. Fat can and does cause cancer. Plain and simple. Causes heart disease, too. And strokes. I sure hope that this works. I really do.

Honeybera

(I'm sending it this time!!!!)

[honeybera]

I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Made my first smoothie in my Blendtec! It came out WAY WAY WAY better than with the stick blender!! WAY BETTER!!! No lumps. Just a SMOOTH SMOOTHIE!!

I cannot believe that I'm DRINKING about 2 cups of baby spinach leaves and 2/3 cup frozen blueberries!! Plus a refrigerated banana (about ½), a good dash of cinnamon, ½ c. kefir, ½ c. full fat yogurt, a splash of HWC, and some Torani Blueberry Sugar Free Syrup! OMG!! SOOOOO DELICIOUS!!!!!!! If it's this or the AI pill...well, there's just no comparison! I'm also going to have some bacon and eggs AND some heavily buttered Brussels Sprouts (my 2nd cruciferous veggie of the day). Needless to say, I am quite proud of myself! And of you! Thank heavens you're here and allow me to write out all my pain and thoughts and confusion and healing up from MD.

==============--(Monday - just before 2am)

I DID HAVE BACON AND EGGS and I also made Brussels Sprouts, plus I had KETO Raisin Bread toast with peanut butter...and a yummy smoothie! Aromatase inhibiting veggies and fruit eaten. Time for bed now. Very pleased with myself.

Honeybera

[grandma in pain]

Hi Honeybera. I'm so proud of you for making that smoothie! And now that you know how much you enjoyed it and that it is that delicious, you will be excited to make it each time

I'm an 8 year bc survivor...stage 0, however, it was a grade 3. I had a lumpectomy and once I healed I underwent radiation. I was very fortunate and didn't have any pain or discomfort whatsoever. My skin didn't become red, and I didn't need to take a break from treatments. I think that was all due to the fact that I used to sunbathe, and so my skin wasn't fair and sensitive. The only side affect I experienced was fatigue, and that was just the first week or two. After I completed all of my treatments I was started on a pill, Tamoxifen, and was on that for 6 years because the type that I had also has a high rate of recurrence. I completed that 2 years ago. I see my breast surgeon every 6 months in order to keep a close eye on things.

Enjoy those smoothies and keep going! Safe hugs, if okay... (((((Honeybera)))))

grandma in pain

[honeybera]

I'm doing GREAT with the smoothies! It's important because it's my way of "taking something" to ward off any RECURRENCE of breast cancer, like an estrogen inhibiting diet, without causing myself horribly painful aching joints along with hot flashes if I was to take pills for 10 yrs. No, instead I'm fixing myself that smoothie with estrogen-inhibiting fresh (or frozen) fruits (so far: frozen bananas, frozen red seedless grapes, and frozen blueberries) and veggies (lotsa spinach!) + kefir and/or yogurt, some cinnamon and flavors and keto sweetener, and now a teaspoon full of Matcha Green Tea! I triple blend it in a very high speed blender so it's VERY smooth indeed, pour it into a big 32 oz. cup, and down it goes! SOOOO GOOD!! In fact, I poured DS a small 6 oz. cup of it today to share with him. HE HATES VEGGIES!! And he not only drank the entire cup, but he actually liked it, too!

I need to do this everyday from here on out. After all, they'd make me take those horrible pills with their ghastly side effects for a minimum of 5 yrs., but very likely as much as 10 yrs. I never went to the Oncologist to see what he wanted to convince me of. Why bother? This just makes SO much more sense! If I was 25 yrs. old or had Stage 4 (the worst: INVASIVE that has already spread everywhere with a 48% chance of recurrence ), then I would not be so cavalier. But I'm 76, a Stage 1 (barely) with a 4% chance of recurrence, and maybe less with my smoothie routine. As I go on with this I can add ground golden flax seed, chia seeds, raw salad fixings like arugula, celery, avocado, and other "salad" ingredients, all the raw cruciferous veggies + other raw leafy greens, even flavor it with other fruits like apples, oranges, lemons, maybe some nut butters, and so on...and of course the daily Matcha tea addition. Before he even tried the smoothies, DS said Matcha tastes like "ass" , and I thought this whole mess would just be awful tasting, but no! It tastes like a milkshake! A fruity milkshake! Later, I may add some canned organic pumpkin puree (no sugar) and some Pumpkin Pie Spice and sugar free Pumpkin Pie syrup - I'll bet that would be good! This has SO many possibilities!!

Compare those benefits with these side effects (so you know that I'm not making them up):

What are the Side Effects of Aromatase Inhibitors - Susan G. Komen®
May 27, 2022 Joint and muscle pain Joint pain (arthralgia) and muscle pain (myalgia) are common side effects of aromatase inhibitors [ 115-116 ]. The pain may be in the hands and wrists, feet and ankles, knees, back or other parts of the body. Joint and muscle pain are most common after you've been sleeping or inactive.

...What are the risks and side effects of aromatase inhibitors? The most common side effects of AIs are symptoms of menopause, such as hot flashes, night sweats, and vaginal dryness. These drugs can also cause muscle and joint pain. This side effect can be serious enough to cause some women to stop taking the drugs.

...The most troublesome symptoms for tamoxifen and AI users, respectively, included hot flashes (35%/30%), weight gain (14%/15%), insomnia (17%/17%), and joint aches (12%/23%, P = .002). Thirty-nine percent of TAM users and 46% of AI users were taking medications to control their symptoms.

...Hot flashes Joint pain Muscle pain Headache Night sweats Hair loss Insomnia Nausea Upset stomach Diarrhea Fatigue Depression Edema (tissue swelling) Of these, persistent joint and muscle pain are the commonly cited reasons for treatment termination.

Sounds like a nightmare to me!! I'd much rather just have a lovely, healthy, tasty fruit and veggie smoothie instead!!! It does the same thing as the pills, but without the side effects, and those side effects can be severe enough to make a person just up and quit the treatment, no matter how far gone their cancer is nor how young they are! I am really grateful that my choice is so clear and is easy enough to do. Now that I've begun taking my Tart Cherry Juice and Celery Seed tablets again, my gout is a thing of the past! I'm still fasting and doing a one to eight hour eating window every day. I understand what is being done by the doctors and cancer specialists of all kinds, BUT...NO THANKS. My way is not for everyone, but for me, it's the only way I'm comfortable enough with.

==============(just noticed a new post!)

I'm so proud of you for making that smoothie! And now that you know how much you enjoyed it and that it is that delicious, you will be excited to make it each time

Well, hi there, grandma in pain! Yes, you are so right about making it daily now. Always made with the estrogen-reducing foods since my bc was 100% ER+ PR+ HER2-. I had TWO tumors in there: one for many years (DCIS or Ductal Carcinoma in situ) and one little devil that was just beginning (IDC or Invasive [Spreading] Ductal Carcinoma - with a microscopic spread to my first sentinel lymph node - my surgeon took 3 sentinel nodes total - only one was positive, but by so little she decided to not even count it).

I'm an 8 year bc survivor...stage 0, however, it was a grade 3. I had a lumpectomy and once I healed I underwent radiation. I was very fortunate and didn't have any pain or discomfort whatsoever. My skin didn't become red, and I didn't need to take a break from treatments. I think that was all due to the fact that I used to sunbathe, and so my skin wasn't fair and sensitive. The only side affect I experienced was fatigue, and that was just the first week or two. After I completed all of my treatments I was started on a pill, Tamoxifen, and was on that for 6 years because the type that I had also has a high rate of recurrence. I completed that 2 years ago. I see my breast surgeon every 6 months in order to keep a close eye on things.

I'm glad that you didn't have many side effects. It sounds like you had DCIS as well and not a very active one at that. Lucky you!! I was a Stage 1 Grade 6 <2cm. Tiny little thing, but it had to come out of there. However, in my case, they fouled up SO many things!! I "went gray" on the table during surgery (according to my surgeon). When that happens, it means that I was being starved for oxygen and could have had permanent brain damage or even death. Even knowing that, it took them over an hour and a half to wake me up. AND my surgeon (a really good one) had to hurry and close me so that they could try to give me more oxygen and extubate me quickly and wake me up!! I barely have a scar where she removed the 3 sentinel nodes, but the breast is a puckered up mess underneath. They were also very dirty while doing the surgery and I ended up with cellulitis for months afterwards! I also had intense swelling and she had to drain an 8oz. CUP of dark bloody fluid out of me with a huge needle in her office.

That's not all, but I'm getting tired just thinking about it. One boob is about 3" shorter than the other, sometimes I get shooting pains...it just wasn't a positive experience like yours. I'm glad for you, but I'd like to stay away from those "experts" as much as possible!! I'm feeling pretty good ATM and have NO desire to go back in for a long, long time. I've asked my surgeon repeatedly, "DID YOU GET IT ALL?" and she emphatically says in her most sober, reassuring, doctorly voice, "YES, WE DID." Well good. I'll go in for a mammogram in a year or so after all that time on my aromatase inhibiting foods, lots of blueberries, mushrooms, and spinach etc etc etc. and see how it's going at that time. I can't go back in for surgery. They almost killed me this time!!

But it's nice to meet someone else who has gone through the same basic thing. Off to bed now.

Honeybera

[grandma in pain]

Honeybera, oh my word! What a nightmare! I'm so, so sorry you went through all of that. My experience was definitely the complete opposite of yours. Yes, stage 0 is always DCIS. As far as the grade, I'm a little confused... Grade 1 is non- aggressive, grade 2 is aggressive, and grade 3 is the most aggressive. That is what I had. The most aggressive. My surgeon said it had only been growing for about a month, maybe 2, and was already the size of a m&m. There was so much necrosis left behind in it's path because of how quickly it was growing/spreading. I know that there are different forms/types of breast cancer, but as far as grade, from what I understand there is only 3 grades. So "grade 6" has me a bit confused??

Another very fortunate thing was the surgeon I selected. She did a beautiful job. And it was 2 separate surgeries, too. First was the lumpectomy, and when she received the pathology results she told me that my case was very unusual and that it was "complicated and complex." So I had a sentinel node disection 10 days after the lumpectomy. Before she started she said that if all nodes were clean I would be stage 0, however, if it spread to the sentinel node I would be stage 2. There wouldn't be a stage 1 in my case. And as I said, it turned out to be stage 0. She did a beautiful job with that incision as well.

Sending safe hugs, if okay (((((honeybera)))))

grandma in pain

[honeybera]

Honeybera, oh my word! What a nightmare! I'm so, so sorry you went through all of that.

No worries. Once they operate (according to my surgeon), "You are cancer free!" The trick is to AVOID any "RECURRENCE" of the cancer happening again. Hence my daily concoction smoothie to mimic the AI or other estrogen-reducing pill (like your Tamoxifen). I'd also like to avoid any of the possible side effects often involved with those pills and prefer to eat/drink my way to a healthy "rest of my life" and remaining cancer free. I'm just grateful that I remain here in my own room typing away at my computer, still independent, and not in a room somewhere drooling down my chin, brain-dead and oblivious to the world. Or just plain dead. Now THAT would've been a bad outcome. But that did not happen. I've named my left bc breast "Shorty" (for obvious reasons) and the other one "Longie", a natural happening at my ripe old age. I appreciate both of them. ♥♥

I know that there are different forms/types of breast cancer, but as far as grade, from what I understand there is only 3 grades. So "grade 6" has me a bit confused??

Well, it seems that we were both right. You had DCIS, a NON invasive cancerous tumor that doesn't even spread 80% of the time. They usually just leave those in place and watch them carefully. I know because I had one of those, too, which was removed along with the IDC, the INVASIVE kind. I had the DCIS biopsied clear back in Nov. 2015. I ended up with a Stereotactic Breast Biopsy with this really snotty radiologist ordering me to go for surgery and CHEMO even if it was "benign". He let me know that he was upset with me and then had me stick my breast into a hole in the platform I was laying on, ordered them give to me extra Lidocaine, and bruised me up so severely in that machine that my breast was literally BLACK for the next 6 months. Not a nice man! But he never EVER used the terms Ductal Carcinoma in situ (DCIS). He phoned in the results an entire month later and just said, "It's benign." in a deadpan tone and hung up the phone. Had he used the term "carcinoma" to describe my condition, I would have insisted to have surgery then and there! I thought that benign was simply the opposite of malignant, not realizing that it can mean carcinoma (aka CANCER).

Five years later in Jan. 2020, I went back in for another mammogram (at a different facility). She did a thorough job of it, said everything was ok and looked good, and sent me home. In May 2021, I was getting concerned because of a clear liquid with a bloody discharge from that breast. It had been there always ever since I breastfed my three kids, but was getting worse, and progressively more bloody instead of the formerly clear yellow. However again, after the mammogram, I was told to get dressed and go home, "See you in another year or two.", but this time I asked for a Kleenex which she dutifully gave me. I expressed some of the fluid, showed her, and she said, "Uhh...yeah. Or maybe we should take an ultrasound, too." They did, then later the Core Biopsy, and then later on the surgery. When they did the surgery, my surgeon found the TWO tumors, one the old DCIS and the other NEW IDC that had just barely begun to spread. I was neither plagued by an aggressive IDC nor a really passive one. I was a Grade 6...for the IDC only. The DCIS tumor was actually the problematic one since it was closest to the upper skin on my breast and she was trying to scrape off the tumor without breaking the skin, however she said that the IDC was by far the easier one to remove. She was probably in the midst of dealing with the DCIS scraping/removal when she noticed me "going gray" and had to shut down the surgery STAT!! After 4 min. of a lack of oxygen will cause either death or severe brain damage. She must have finished up VERY quickly to save my life.

You did not have IDC (THANK HEAVENS!) so there was no need for a Nottingham Grade. (Mine was a 6.) For the DCIS, my Stage was a +1 which they chose to see as a Stage 0 IIRC. It's been a while. The Grade was a 2. So there you go: I had both "grades".

[FOR INVASIVE CARCINOMAS ONLY] Nottingham Score for Breast Cancer | OncoLink
Jun 23, 2021These 3 scores are added together, making the Nottingham Score. The minimum score possible is 3 (1+1+1) and the maximum possible is 9 (3+3+3). The total score is assigned to a grade: Grade I is assigned for a total score of 3 to 5. This is also called well differentiated. Grade II is assigned for a total score of 6 to 7.

==========================(the day after the midterm USA elections - Nov. 9)

I need to vent...DS's boss has finally offered DS a sort of reasonable venue tonight. DS hasn't worked much lately due to him finally standing up to his boss. I know I've been mentioning the insane work hours involved before my surgery and increasing insanely from the next day from my surgery: 16 hr. split shift days 6-7 days/wk!! There was little to no time to even sleep for him, much less any time for me. Both DS and I periodically spoke with the boss, and on the phone he was very nice, promising to lighten up, to hire more people - and he did lighten up...for about a week. He tried to make DS feel guilty: "What's the matter? Don't want to WORK?" Well, yeah, but there is a difference between "working" and working 16 hrs. a day, 4 hrs. x2 per day (early morning and around 5pm and then a 12 hour all-nighter from around 7pm - 7am)! When was my poor son expected to SLEEP? There are only 24 hours in a day!

And here I am with painful raging gout, non-ambulatory, just coming out of surgery, with cellulitis and even my doctor on vacation! AND I WAS ALL ALONE most of the time - with DS wisely catching a few winks of sleep as often as he could in his bedroom. If I needed food or water, if I needed help to get to the bathroom on feet I could not walk on without excruciating pain, I was just OUT OF LUCK. According to DS, behind my back the boss told DS, "I don't CARE what your mother says or needs!" Nice guy.

I often advised DS to let his boss know how bad it was, but this guy just would not listen to DS! HOWEVER, DS's caseworker for his autism is also the boss's wife, and when we had our yearly meeting, we really let her have it (not in an angry way, but certainly in a thorough way)! I'd called her a couple of times before, and she probably spoke with her husband, but this guy is very manipulative and slick, and he even ignored her in a week's time. He'd pump up DS with compliments if DS responded to these ridiculous hours with a "yes, sir!" (done in text which DS would share with me), but if he complained, he was shamed and/or ridiculed and told what a bad worker/person he was. When we went in for the yearly visit with the caseworker/wife, the boss had already told DS some weeks earlier that his work had been "slipping" lately and had "SUSPENDED HIM" until he wanted to come back and start that impossible work schedule again. PRESSURE!!! So we laid it all out for the caseworker/wife/co-owner of the business - and she was SHOCKED at how her client was being treated by her husband. I believe that she had words with him later that night b/c we heard from him right away. Or shall I say he acknowledged our existence.

But they both seemed to assume that "autism" automatically means "stupid" or "slow". DS is neither of these!! He is a gentle soul, but can be moved into real anger, and that's where the boss had moved him to! Bad move! They worked him at a (botched) wedding last week (ON HALLOWEEN!) where no guards had shown up and they called DS in a panic ("HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THERE??!!") They'd also reassigned another guard who was supposed to be at the wedding to another site about 100 miles away (oops!) and "forgot" that he needed to be at the wedding. DS saved the day (as best he could - dropped everything, grabbed his gear, got in the car, and got there ASAP) and the other guard got there an hour and a half later due to heavy traffic and a couple of accidents. They need to understand what a good man they're messing around with. I respect my son! I wish they would.

But before they do, HE must! I would move mountains for him if I could (and I have - it's why I bought this house, so he'd have somewhere to live) - but in this instance it HAS TO BE HIM. HE needs to make his demands for RESPECT, for proper and humane treatment on the job. The boss doesn't see him as being disabled in any way...but he is. It's a social thing. Same with me. Same with my father when he was alive. And my DB, my DD, and my older DS, too. I can support him, encourage him, praise him, but he has to face his own demons, make his own demands for humane treatment, and he's doing it. Proud of my son!! What a life's lesson!

================(Nov. 28)

I'm allowing DS to handle the boss...and he's doing ok. It's taken a month (so far) to have the boss even acknowledge DS's requests to be closer to home and with less hours, but we seem to have turned several corners...SO FAR.

I'm working on my house (organization) and finally beginning to see some progress. Today I found a fantastic company for food storage pails and "twisty" lids (aka Gamma lids): cheap as dirt!!!!!! Hard to find these days, much less as a real bargain! She also gave me a bit of the Gamma Co. history and said that Gamma went cheap and their lids began to crack (NOT good for long term food storage) - so their company bought the Gamma patent from Gamma and after a few improvements (upgraded plastic and sealing capability), they began to sell these lids for their buckets/pails...and in a rainbow of colors, too, AND at about HALF the current price anywhere else! So I am stoked!! I haven't had our electrician come out and install our new "dedicated circuit" for the freeze dryer yet, but that is to be done ASAP. Not having a mortgage payment hanging over my head every month is a real relief financially. No credit card debt, only utility payments. Even our cars are paid off. So I can do all these other things comfortably. It's a good place to be in.

I do worry about how the current problems facing all of us may be effecting us in the not so distant future and the impact that it possibly can have. I lived through something quite similar in 1974, but I was already on Welfare. Can't get much more broke than that. But this time is different. I can now afford to do what I yearned for back in the Johnson and Nixon eras, back in the days of the War on Poverty, gas lines and odd-even license plates restrictions and a 5 gallon limit even on the days when allowed to "gas up", and empty food shelves in the grocery stores. I'm like a walking history book. I remember. And I am readying for whatever happens. "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst." And that's just what I'm doing.

My DAILY smoothie intake is absolutely fabulous! I was afraid of how it would taste: a bunch of organic yogurt + organic kefir + a splash of heavy cream + cinnamon + sugar free sweeteners + frozen banana, blueberries, strawberries, red grapes + handfuls of raw baby organic spinach (and maybe some other raw cruciferous veggies) and give it a whir in my Blendtec blender. Lately I've been adding Matcha green tea (the really GOOD stuff!) and some sugar free chocolate collagen powder (and maybe some sugar free Hershey's COCOA POWDER, the bitter stuff), every bit of it amazingly good for me! But the taste! How does it TASTE?? OMG...SO WONDERFUL!! Every day it either is getting better and better, or I'm just getting used to the taste! BUT IT'S GOOD! REALLLLLY GOOD!! To think that this is replacing the Aromatase Inhibitor (AI) pill, the one that has the potential to give me such pain that I can't get out of bed in the morning or have night sweats and hot flashes.

Breast Cancer Prevention: Aromatase Inhibitors
What are the risks and side effects of aromatase inhibitors? The most common side effects of AIs are symptoms of menopause, such as hot flashes, night sweats, and vaginal dryness. These drugs can also cause muscle and joint pain. This side effect can be serious enough to cause some women to stop taking the drugs. - cancer.org

Side effects of aromatase inhibitors versus tamoxifen: the ... - PubMed
The most troublesome symptoms for tamoxifen and AI users, respectively, included hot flashes (35%/30%), weight gain (14%/15%), insomnia (17%/17%), and joint aches (12%/23%, P = .002). Thirty-nine percent of TAM users and 46% of AI users were taking medications to control their symptoms. - NIH dot gov

So it gets so bad that I would have to take meds to combat the effects of the AI meds so it might reduce my chances of RECURRENCE by a mere 4%! OR I COULD DRINK A 40 OZ. TRIPLE-BLENDED SMOOTHIE (tastes like a thick chocolate or berry milkshake!). If there's a choice (and there is in my case), I'd rather go for the chocolate or berry shakes! I'm sleeping like a log at night, wake up refreshed in the morning, and am getting many chores done. DS is following my lead and is helping out more, too, which encourages me more.

So I'd better get to sleep now. There's lots to do in the morning. Oh, one more thing: I got each dog a nice gently heated dog bed! Each bed has it's own little low-heat heating pad in it. The dogs sleep in the house, but we're going to turn down the thermostat and their pen is right next to the big plate glass window (double paned, but still!) and also their doggy door into the dog's yard. And they are VERY short haired, which is not bad in the summertime, but right now? Uh...no. It gets down to the low 30s, even the high 20s. Even I bundle up at night. So I got them their new beds. Boots had torn up her old bed, with stuffing all over the place, so it was definitely time for new ones. What spoiled dogs!

I taught Mittens a new trick tonight: she would often lay her head on my knee and look up at me with those big brown soulful eyes, so I made a game out of it. I would pat my knee and say to her, "Head." and she would come and lay her head on me and look up at me. SO CUTE! Then I would praise her enthusiastically and tell her YES! She caught on quickly and now she has a new trick. They can both already catch a tiny training treat in midair when tossed to them. ♥♥ I love my girls.♥♥

Now I'm off to bed. I mean it!

Honeybera

[Rosahope]

Honeybera I’m glad you survived. You’re doing good eating healthy!

[grandma in pain]

Honeybera, I'm so sorry I haven't responded until now. Yes, thank goodness I didn't have IDC. And thank goodness my cancer was caught early still only DCIS because, as you know, being grade 3 things would've changed very quickly.

Thank goodness you asked the mammogram tech for a tissue and showed her what was going on! We definitely need to be our own advocate SO many times when it comes to medical personnel! And that radiologist? People working within the medical field really need to have some empathy and compassion!

grandma in pain

[honeybera]

Honeybera I’m glad you survived. You’re doing good eating healthy!

I'm glad I survived, too. I'm just a real survivor, I guess! That smoothie just keeps getting better and better! YUMMMMY! And to think that it's not only tasty as all heck (without one bit of sugar in it and lots of probiotics, like kefir and yogurt (16 fl. oz./2 cups total), and raw veggies [cruciferous veggies, like broccoli and cauliflower and even collards, and all sorts of greens, like arugula and baby spinach - can't taste any of them!] that I'd never get down on a daily basis, and a dash of cinnamon and 1t. Matcha organic green tea), but it gets rid of those nasty Aromatase Inhibitor pills (which do the same thing as the smoothies) and also get rid of their terrible side effects. Today's smoothie was "frozen strawberry-banana-blueberry" and spinach. Thick like a milk shake, too! No bad flavor to it, just the strawberry mainly. SO GOOD! And I do add some sugar free sweetener to it. But the ingredients list is so good that it would make a dietician/nutritionist swoon and get all weak in the knees.

I can also have onions and garlic (think: stir fry or a Bolognese sauce or just sauteed onions, bell peppers and garlic over pan fried meats) and all the citrus fruits varieties, and almonds, walnuts, and pecans (the best nuts to have), and many other yummy things that control and reduce estrogen, which is my goal. Imagine the muffins, breads, cookies, or like a banana or zucchini or pumpkin bread made with almond flour and heavy with walnuts! I even grind my own pork rinds up, add spices and herbs, and use it as breadings (for meats, meatloaves, etc.). I need to stop now. I'll end up getting hungry and I'm fasting ATM. I've already had my OMAD (one meal a day).
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And hi to you, grandma in pain. I do hope that you're not "in pain" anymore, emotionally nor physically.

Honeybera, I'm so sorry I haven't responded until now. Yes, thank goodness I didn't have IDC. And thank goodness my cancer was caught early still only DCIS because, as you know, being grade 3 things would've changed very quickly.

Not necessarily would have, but MIGHT have. It's all about that "RECURRENCE" word again that they love to use so much. I only know what I'm told or what I've read, but it was my understanding that they usually just leave DCIS alone and keep a close eye on it. 80% of the time it stays put, doesn't spread, and all is well. The invasive is a completely different story. However, that being said, I'm with you. Had they called it what it was back in 2015, Ductal Carcinoma in situ, that's C-A-R-C-I-N-O-M-A, as in CANCER, THE BIG C, etc. etc., I would have beaten that radiologist down the hall at Kaiser at a dead run and grabbed the first surgeon I could find. But that's not what he called it. He said the words, "It's benign." and hung up.

Thank goodness you asked the mammogram tech for a tissue and showed her what was going on! We definitely need to be our own advocate SO many times when it comes to medical personnel! And that radiologist? People working within the medical field really need to have some empathy and compassion!

To me it was like waving a white flag. He may as well have said, "All is well. You're safe. It's ok. You don't NEED surgery. THERE IS NO SIGN OF CANCER." But he didn't say that. Just "it's benign." So I relaxed. And in fact, my DCIS tumor was still intact during the bc surgery for the 2nd invasive tumor. But it was the IDC that made the discharge that I had to SHOW them to get them to send me to get an ultrasound...and thank God for that!! Not a pleasant journey, but certainly a necessary one!!!! And they "got all of it", ALL cancer GONE, both tumors...buh-bye!

BUT...I am alive! And glad of it. It's a little more difficult to speak now. Writing is just fine, and I can understand speech, but I keep forgetting how to say words that I can SEE in my minds eye, but cannot say them. It takes me a few minutes, but DS is patient with me...thank heavens. Slight stroke during surgery? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Who knows? A total of FOUR TIMES my surgeon has reassured me that "they got it ALL". So I'm taking that to the bank.

I'm also cleaning my house, putting away all that food into white and colored buckets with colored Gamma (screw top) lids (to keep track of what's in them), and I'm about to call the electrician to install the "dedicated circuit" for the freeze dryer. I'll also call some plumbers for a few bids on a new water heater. Mine is over 20 yrs. old, and prices keep going up and availability is dodgy, so I'm going to buy a Forever Hot Water Heater and just keep it in the garage until our old one craps out on us. It's bound to happen sometime. I'm finding that I'm often very busy, and that's not a bad thing at all.

I do need to save my backyard plants, too. And Annie's Annual's has most of my most wanted Wish List plants available now! But I've promised myself that I need to care for these poor little guys out on the table in 4" pots in 32ºF-40ºF weather first, and a tiny bit colder is on its way next week! So that's a priority - and I shan't buy more until these guys are all snug in one gallon pots. It's only fair. They're still hanging in there, but I need to get on the ball!!

Re: hoarding and housework...I made a BIG STEP today!! I contacted eBay and asked how to sell on there. It's been so long that I've been away (only bought, never sold) that they had terminated my account from lack of use!! Oh my. BUT BUT BUT...I have several plates and dishes to sell and tons of toys from my day care (30 yrs. ago) and some really weird stuff, too, like an antique adding machine/early computer (with stand)...just a ton of stuff! I was going to give away those plates and dishes, but most of them are very old and somewhat rare by this time, and single plates (to complete a set) often go for around $20 apiece! Some are dinner plates, some are from Starbuck's, I even have an old Cabbage Patch doll from WAY back, still in the box, and Barbie's galore + her Dream House, buckets of Legos, and TONS of games, etc. etc. Now I can take pictures of them and put them up on eBay. Hey, it'll keep me out of the Bingo Parlors!

Nice way to spend the winter months: cleaning my house, selling these things on eBay, doing a bit of prepping for possible hard times ahead, setting up my new garden...oh! And I've got some new "shepherd hooks", four BIG TALL ones (108" aka 9ft.) so I can feed both the birds and the hummers without too much interference from my dogs who see these creatures as "flying mice" and a quite delicious "snack on the wing" - and also the rats who love to eat up the bird seed. I'm going to have DS put cement into 5 gallon buckets, add the shepherd's hooks, and there you go! In the heat of the summer, I can roll them onto one of my Garden Glides and move them across the yard into the shade where I can still see them, but the rats and my dogs can't bother them.

To change the feed or nectar in them, I simply need to gently L-E-A-N it over and disconnect the feeder, refill it and reattach the feeder, and gently push it back up to its normal height...9' above the dogs! The weight of the cement in the bucket will keep it stable and allow the feeders themselves to remain level as they're being brought down for refilling. I can picture it in my mind's eye: if I bring the tall shepherd's hook down on its side slowly, the feeder will remain flat and level with the ground as it's lowered, and as it is raised, it will also stay level, not spilling seeds (birds) nor nectar (hummers) - and when it's too hot out there, I also bought a little umbrella like top for them - or I can just move them anywhere I want where it would be cooler. This way I can see my birds happily WAY up in the air, no rats can or will climb up there, especially because I have this material called Tulle, like the net like fabric seen on wedding decorations, and I plan to wrap it around the pole. For some reason, rats can't stand how tulle feels on their claws/paws. They avoid it like the plague! So my seed will be safe...and up high. AND I have this other stuff that I'll apply to the pole that is made of cinnamon and a gel of some sort and ANTS won't touch it!! It's worked for me for two years now. Put on once for the entire season. Great stuff! Works like a charm! I even used it on my fridge when the ants got into the water dispenser. They would walk up to it, turn around, and LEAVE. Not at all poisonous, either. Amazon: Sapphire Labs Nectar Fortress Natural Ant Repellent; Multi-Purpose Clear Gel Ant Guard for Hummingbird Feeders (Twin) Snazzy idea though, huh! The things I think up!!

My life is finally fun! I don't have a lot of money, but I have enough. Welfare, the dole, AFDC, TANF, AND whatever they're cooking up now is a long way behind me! When I retired, I walked into the house and was struck with the reality, "This is like Welfare, only with money!!"...and it IS. I get social security and a pension and medical insurance and with that I scrimped and saved and paid off my house 10 yrs. early. Now I get to fix up my backyard, fix up my house, and do now for prepping what I only could dream about in the mid-to-late 1970s! I wanted to then, but I was as broke as a glass. Now I can hire an electrician to add that $1000 dedicated circuit job of making sure my house doesn't catch on fire with the freeze dryer. I have no house payment, no car payments, just utilities. God, this feels good!! And it's about time, too! MD can't irk or hurt me anymore, no matter what. Death is pretty permanent.

Oh! Spoke once more to my brother...the widower. I can't be upset with him. MD did a righteous number on him, too. So did my SIL, the one that died of COVID last year. Both were Queen Bees, and both hated me. DB is telling me a LOT about how MD treated him badly, just in a different way. He's my only sibling, and I'm grateful that he's friendly with me again. It's just like my dad when he was saying goodbye to me, trying to say that he loved me...until MD came rushing back into the room and he jumped like he was chatting up a hooker. Bittersweet. I told my brother that if MD had cut him out of the will, if he was barely holding on financially, and MD tried to keep us apart from the grave by giving me the entire estate out of hatred and spite, I'd do the same as he did. I truly forgive him, but told him that I'd be damned if I was going to let that separation happen and he said he was VERY grateful for that. I meant it.

Right now he has more money than he knows what to do with. His wife was an RN, he's a farmer with many acres of prime farm land. She had a bunch of life insurance policies that paid off. He got a glut of money, both from MD in 2020 and from his wife a year later. Would he rather have the money? I think not. His life is emptying. This was NOT MD's plan for him. ME? I could drop dead, but him? Nope, a totally different thing! So he's got the money, LOTS AND LOTS of money! But to be honest, he doesn't have much. One daughter took off to live up north, the step son lives a couple of states away in the south, and the remaining daughter is ready to be a dental hygienist. His wife is dead. Money isn't going to cut it for him. He took his remaining daughter out to eat for this Thanksgiving. Last year, Thanksgiving was the day SIL had them call for the ambulance because she couldn't breathe and it was the last day that they saw her alive. Morbid! They're traveling to the step son's place for Xmas. They were the big holiday family, decorations, pictures, and scrap-booking! Birthdays, presents, dinners...you name it, they did it! And now? NOTHING. I can hear the crickets chirping and the heart's breaking on every holiday.

MD ruined holidays for me long ago. When the kids were little, I was poor, but very inventive! When they grew up and I went to work, holidays and birthdays just faded away slowly. For last Thanksgiving I made a turkey roast with a gravy packet and instant mashed potatoes. DS was pleased with it. Too many tricks and ruined holidays for me. I just quit. UGH!!!! How did I turn down THIS road? UGH, UGH, UGH!!!

I'm going to bed. I finally got in contact with eBay today and I believe that I'll start attempting to sell tomorrow, first thing! I have an old fashioned pitcher and wash basin circa 1970 that I could take or leave. It's IN MY WAY in the Storage Room in a cardboard box. I'm going to use that pitcher and basin as my first item to SELL on eBay. That's what the guy from eBay's customer service said to do: get registered, which I did, and then pick something to sell, which I have, and then post it. I want to study up on it a bit first, but I have a LOT of articles and videos on how to start selling on eBay available to me.

====================(dogs started barking like crazy)

I went and tired them out with a tease toy and a good romp and then gave them some stale pork rinds stuffed with peanut butter which they ate happily in their warmed beds. These dogs are SO SPOILED!

So now I'm off to bed. Maybe. It's nearly 6am. Maybe just stay up. Oh, it's SUNDAY, not Monday. Sometimes I just fall asleep in my computer chair. I'll play it by ear. Always lots to do.

Honeybera