How I was years ago vs now

[grandma in pain]

Years ago when I was very active on isurvive my memory was very good. I made a lot of connections on here and knew their stories. I was able to keep up with what was happening in their lives without any difficulties or confusion.

Now, all these years later, I forget about posts that I've even made myself, which causes me to end up not "responding" to the members who have reached out in support. And with that happening, I have probably unintentionally hurt and/or triggered some members.

I don't intentionally forget about anyone and it certainly isn't that I don't care what a member is going through. I forget things in my own personal life that are extremely important.

So I would like to apologize to anyone who may be reading this who I might have already "done" this to, and I would also like to apologize in advance to any members that this might happen to in the future.

When I was first diagnosed with epilepsy (a few years after leaving isurvive) and went to an epileptologist for the very first time after seeing a neurologist, he had reviewed my EEG's and told me that it turned out that I had epilepsy for YEARS (I thought my symptoms were all cardiac related), and that the damage was originally on just one side of my brain (thanks for bashing my head into the wall over and over again, mom!) But because I went untreated for sooo many years, it gradually worked it's way all the way up and then down to the other side of my brain. By the time I was on the correct combination and dosages of meds, which took a new epileptologist to get right, my memory had gotten pretty bad and I couldn't remember simple instructions 10 minutes after being told and would have to write them down.

Gradually over the next few years my memory continued getting worse. My husband would give me a kiss hello when he got home from work or a kiss goodnight, and 5 minutes later I would ask him if he gave me a kiss.
Well, hello Multiple Sclerosis!

So, yeah.

I know that most members won't see this post due to various reasons and there will also be new members joining, possibly a few every week. So there will always be that chance of members being hurt and/or triggered. I guess not even a chance. It will happen. And I feel so bad about that...

grandma in pain

By the way, I should mention that it's my short-term memory that's gotten really bad. My long-term memory is still pretty good

*edited to add last paragraph

[Harmony]

Dear grandmainpain,

It is a double edged sword finding out there is something "really" wrong physically. You were right. Good job listening to your instincts that something was wrong in your physical health. Listening to our physical bodies including memory is important. A lot of talk about mental health goes on here at isurvive. I believe tending to our physical health is equally important. Great job getting to the right doctors.

Secondly please rest reassured you that you are plenty supportive to your fellow members. It is also up to each of us as members to let in the support offered. You should know all the community support here does provide comfort. No kindness offered is wasted.

May you continue to heal and grow.

with support,
Harmony

[Paper]

grandma in pain, I have had a lot of head trauma myself and I’m afraid all the time about making mistakes and I worry... about so much. I don’t want to hurt or trigger anyone either.

Plus I’m awkward and like everyone else on here I come toting a long train of baggage. I’m sending you my support too and I will say you have helped me already by being here and I’ve only just joined (I think, not too long). I see your kindness and courage in reaching out and sharing.

Oh, and I also want to echo what Harmony said about your physical stuff.

I believe tending to our physical health is equally important. Great job getting to the right doctors.

I see this place as a loving, accepting refuge for all of us who have been through so much, a place where we are welcome as we are, and as we will be.

[quixote]

grandma in pain,
Sorry to hear that.

[Redisfinallyfree]

(((((((( grandma in pain )))))))

After what you’ve just told us about your physical struggles on top of the mental and emotional ones wreaking havoc on you, it is a great credit to you that you’re worried about hurting people here. You are AMAZING AND SO COMPASSIONATE! You’ve been a great comfort to me and to others so many times and I thank you so much for that. I’m glad you’ve found the medical help that your body needed. I’m sorry that your body is suffering so much. You’ve been wonderful here in spite of all of your struggles. So, try to relax your mind about your presence on isurvive. You’ve got nothing to worry about.

Redisfinallyfree

[grandma in pain]

Thank you so much Harmony, Paper, quixote and Redisfinallyfree. The support I receive from all of you means a lot.

grandma in pain

[LifeMasque]

Hi Gran....

I don't think anyone will Judge you, if you are Not in a place to respond. And NO Kindness offered is ever WASTED. My Short term memory can be dodgey too, Long term is IRON CLAD. I forget I have ALREADY Posted stuff some times as well... But that don't HARM anyone, they can skip over it if they have read it before. I LIKE to be reminded of others' stories too, at times.

One Site I used to belong to was run by a Granny with a WEALTH (?) of physical and mental Illness, AND a Survivor too. But she was ALL about helping everyone ELSE on her site. Us Survivors DO tend to put OTHERS' needs and feelings WAY ahead of our own, its a pretty Common Trait..
"To err is Human, to forgive, DIVINE." - Alexander Pope
And To AID and Comfort is AWESOME.
"If you can take a Depressive who is CLOSED OFF, and get them to do something to Help OTHERS, it can have a Wonderful Effect!" - Dr Jordan Peterson

[grandma in pain]

Hi LifeMasque. Thank you