Wake-up call

[HealingEcologist]

Hi, this is my first time posting. I'm a grad student living with and dependent on my emotionally abusive parents. I've kind of always known that the way my parents treated my sibling and I wasn't ok and that other parents didn't berate and control their kids as much as mine, but they act like normal humans 70% of the time, especially in front of other people, so I told myself it wasn't bad enough to be labeled as abuse. Now I'm waking up to my situation. I can't take it anymore, I can't believe it took me this long (6 years of on & off therapy) to see that this isn't acceptable, I can't believe how bad the circumstances needed to be for me to realize it was abuse, and I feel hopeless because I have no way of moving out anytime soon. I'm also scared because their behavior (particularly my dad's) seems to be escalating as I am standing up to them more. I feel so isolated. Due to the pandemic and my mental health, I don't have that many friends. If I told my relatives, they would probably either not believe me or say I am making my parents look bad for talking about them like that. I only have one semester of school left and I don't know if I can wait that long.

[dancingfish]

Hey HealingEcologist, welcome to the forums. :) It's lovely to meet you and well done on your first post, although I'm sorry for the reasons that bring you here.

It's tough when we start to stand up to them but they don't react well, and you have the added complication of living there. Are you seeing a therapist at the moment, who you could discuss keeping yourself safer or exploring future options around moving out with? I know this helped me, and you can start to break it down into little manageable steps, too. There are also a lot of resources out there and services that could help you if you want. You are not alone in this. :)

It's okay that it took a while to more fully realise, too. Sometimes it can take a whole lot longer, and there are all sorts of difficulties at play. Reconciling the "normal" parent with the bad, for instance.

It can be so hard, but there is always hope. We're here supporting you and cheering you on just as much as you wish it. :) Feel free to ask questions and post here if it helps, and I'm wishing you a whole bundle of care and support!

[quixote]

HealingEcologist,
It is often jarring when one realizes that he or she has abusive parents. Living at home can feel awkward, too. Glad you are seeing a therapist.
quixote

[Oceantide]

Hello HealingEcologist, and welcome. Reaching out for support, especially when you're feeling isolated, takes courage and strength. Bravo! It's challenging to become aware of abuse when you're still living with the abuser(s). In my experience, even with therapy it's difficult to "see" things for what they are when there's an ongoing lack of safety. The time it has taken to become more aware makes perfect sense. I'm sorry for the reasons but glad to "meet" you. Take care, Oceantide

[Progress]

it's difficult to "see" things for what they are when there's an ongoing lack of safety.

I agree so much with what Oceantide said! Oh! And welcome! Glad you are here.

But yeah, when you’re “in it” it’s really really hard to see.

Progress

[Rosahope]

Welcome HealingEcologist!

[coconuts]

Oooh that reaction to your standing up for yourself can be scary. Ive seen it multiple times in my life. Abuse people feel the need to control so much and when you start taking that control back it's very hard for them. I understand it's so hard to be stuck there. I'm so glad you see it now though. Seeing it, recognizing it helps us avoid repeating it. And it helps us find safety and eventually healing. I hope you find those all soon.

[Serenity]

Hi HealingEcologist. Just checking in to see how you are doing.

With care,
Serenity