8 steps back

[wingnine]

Isn’t it weird how I feel like a child,
When I’ve actually been 24 for a while

I’m starting to think there’s way too much noise here
I’m struggling to make it in this atmosphere

The feeling you get when you’re not sure of anything
Except that you feel like your heart might stop beating

my body’s convinced that I’m not safe in my room
so my mind sends me up like a rising balloon

Dissociation, & derealization are
My body’s idea of the best self-protection

I’m here and I’m present, in a moment, I’m gone
Sitting in front of you yet completely withdrawn

Floating up, again. My vision is unfocused
My head’s on the ceiling, does anyone notice?

It kinda feels like my life is made up of symptoms
Symptoms that come and go, ones that stay

Some say Healing is like one step forward, two steps back.
Though it often feels like 8 steps back, now sinking in quicksand

[Oceantide]

Hi wingnine,
Thank you for sharing. I really identify with a lot of what you describe here. Unfocused vision, floating, feeling like a child (even at double your age), all of it. I used to frequently experience "sinking in quicksand" from childhood until recently.