Disappointment, Hurt, & Deception

[Progress]

Hey there gc,
I just want to say that your words about “attention seeking” reminded me of some of my mother’s crappier moments. She would often say with arrogance and disgust, “oh they’re just looking for attention”. And she would deliberately turn her back, or stare coldly with a stern look on her face. There was a snowballs chance in hell that she was going to give attention to an “attention seeker”.

She used this abhorrent tactic with her own children, and sometimes other random kids or adults. I remember thinking at a young age, what the heck?! If a child is “attention seeking” doesn’t it mean that they actually need attention?? What on earth is so wrong with needing attention?!?!

Make no mistake, my mom was the queen of jerks. Gc, if someone trained you, similar to how I was trained, to believe that any time you need authentic human connection you are just a miserable “attention seeker”, that could explain why you feel so conflicted about speaking up about yourself and your experiences. I still battle with feeling unworthy, but often my logical thoughts of “we are all entitled to ask for human connection, even me”, well these logical thoughts kind of win out (finally).

I really don’t know of course where your feelings about “attention seeking” came from, but I kind of want to thank you in a way, for reminding me of my own experience of why attention seeking brings up all this negativity and shame for me. Maybe my thoughts are helpful to you, but if not please disregard!

I know you struggle with believing you are worthy of expressing yourself, and I would love to encourage you to continue expressing your thoughts and feelings here! You deserve to vent, to express, to share, to journal, to connect! We all do! It’s just human! It’s totally normal. We all have to do it!

Somebody somewhere didn’t want you to think you were worthy of attention, and I say to heck with them! You have my attention!!!

Progress

[orangeflower]

Hi gc,
I'm a bit late to this thread..
My mother also was disgusted by kids who were ''attention seeking''. I don't think she liked children, especially not girls. (maybe this was partly why I was ''always such a quiet child'') (she once said she ''hated'' the word teenager)
I can relate to having my trust violated by people I trusted, it's a terrible feeling. I find it hard to post and open up...some very old deep messages about not being worthy are behind this I think..
I also love your name!
Much respect and care to you,
orangeflower

[quixote]

gc,
I think it's human nature to want to trust people. Do you know how the song goes? "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world."
(courtesy of Jule Styne)
quixote