Is anyone else finding hard to get rid of things that they no longer need?

[Watercolor]

This may not be relevant at all but I'll share since it's a very current issue for me. I will need to clear my parents' home of many items, as well as bring my own over-the-top amount of stuff down to a more reasonable level. Someone suggested that I do multiple culls. Try to let go of what I can, don't press myself, wait and do it again. However many cycles it takes. With my own items I've gotten stuck already with piles of things I've set aside to remove, then gotten into indecision, reversals, struggling with the "best places" to donate, whether I want to use "It's Deductible," wrestled in my head about valuations....ie is taking time to do that actually worth it to me? On and on.

I honestly haven't processed this yet, but I wrote down that some related emotions coming up for me are feelings of overwhelm, frustration, inner turmoil/conflict. In my case with parents' items there's also significant grief getting stirred up again and again, including resistance/denial, not wanting what's happened in my life to be true and wishing that some ostensibly better times in my life were not gone. I feel like turning loose of my folks stuff makes me turn loose of them. Yet they are already gone. It's complicated.

Hoping things will get easier for you! For me, too.

[Oceantide]

This topic is so relevant and brings up so many overwhelming feelings for me I don't feel I have anything helpful to share except that I'm reading along and relating. For me, I feel like this is related to "object attachment theory" (not having created secure attachments to caregivers in infancy) so that my attachments to things can be baffling to me (rooted in pre-cognitive, pre-verbal constructs). But that's just a hunch. Anyway, I'm hoping all of us can relate with more ease to things over time.

[Progress]

I have a really hard time too. One time I was talking to a very kind and wise friend about how hard it was for me to get rid of stuff, and my reasoning was, but what if I need it? And I don’t mean the normal la la la de da what if I need it one day, it was what if I NEED it, a feeling that maybe my life might depend upon it.

And very very kindly, she said, are you afraid you’ll make a mistake?

And my brain screeched to a halt. Hm. Yeah, I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake. And she didn’t have to say another word, because I knew the next part of this lesson was- it’s ok to make a mistake.

Heck, everybody makes mistakes. And there’s nothing in my house that is gonna cause the world to end if I get rid of it.

What’s really gonna happen if I toss out that pair of jeans that doesn’t fit, and then I lose weight, and now they would’ve fit, but they’re gone forever?

Um yeah, nothing bad really happens! It’s okay! Everything is still okay! I don’t have a lot of money, but I will still find a way to have pants! Getting rid of stuff can feel like pushing a self-destruct button. But in reality it’s not destructive. It might be a mistake. But oh well. I’m not perfect. And it will still be okay.

Progress

[RiseandThrive]

Watercolor, I’m sorry for your loss. It’s already hard to go through stuff and get rid of them. On top of that you are dealing with grief. I totally understand what you’re saying about feeling like turning loose of your parent’s stuff is like turning loose on them. I feel the same way about so many items, like if I don’t have them, I will lose the memories. I hope we all have some new happy, carefree, beautiful memories soon. Something to make us feel secure.

Progress, I think I do fear making a mistake. You are right, regretting about getting rid of a pair of jeans it isn’t the end of the world. That is rational thinking and makes perfect sense. I feel like I must constantly remind myself that it’s okay. Going through my stuff, I have found things that I didn’t remember, but once I saw them, I got overwhelmed with memories/emotions. Sometimes I feel like getting rid of everything without looking, just so I can save myself from the emotional ordeal. I know that I can’t do that. It will give me a panic attack. The irony is that I have been buying more things lately.

Oceantide, I am not familiar with the object attachment theory. I will look it up.

I hope you are all well.

[Watercolor]

Thank you for your kind words, RiseandThrive. My heart goes out to you for how complicated and difficult this area becomes.

I'd very much like to understand better about how we get attached to things and struggle so much with them. And the stuckness. Way too much indecision and needless suffering because of it.

[RiseandThrive]

Yes, needless suffering. I often feel desperate when I think out how many little things in my daily life add to my suffering. Like everything else we have to deal with isn't enough.

[Shivty]

I just moved so I had the opportunity to throw away a lot of stuff. However I really struggled with some items and not wanting to get rid of them or part with them but also not really wanting to keep them any longer and I found that donating the items really helped me. If there was stuff that I thought someone I knew would like to have I would give it to them or I would take it to a donation center for Goodwill or Arc. I totally get where you're coming from and so hard to let go and for me there's different parts of me saying that they want something and another part of me saying that they don't want the exact same thing. It really becomes troublesome. I wish you the best of luck.

[quixote]

I have trouble throwing away the stories that I have written. Though some of them are not that good!