There: 2019

[reisha]

Hi there

The 'creative' guy - sounds like he maybe wants more of ya than ya want of him? Not that hes creepy, or anything, just.... more 'needy' than ya, for what this relationship offers(?) - thats kinda how i see 'jo' & me. So, very important for ya to establish those good boundaries. Sendin ya 'gentle success' vibes here, cuz it DOES sound as tho this relationship is for the most part positive, & (as we've often discussed), our need & desire to make those connections, even as we age (& get grumpier & more picky bout who, & HOW we let folx into our lives )

Does it ever help ya to write this stuff out? (Vocational counselor). I'll write things - 1st sayin what i REALLY think, cuss words & all. Then i'll 'translate' it into 'more acceptable' wording. Not always successful, & sumtimes requires ditionaries, thesaurasuses (sp! - not my strong point!) & other ref books. But for stuff thats important, or really weighs on me ( hmm, guess thats 'important' too, of a diff sort), i often turn to this method.

Hope this day/nite finds ya content w yer bada** self, feelin strong & confident, w the 'ya got this' slight smile om yer lips!
Scritches for the awesum tula too!

[there]

Reisha,
Thank you for your empathy.
Yeah I'm not really sure if it is mostly positive with S. don't want to list it all here but... There were reasons why it didn't work out with him in the past. I can find other people to discuss creativity with. Really I need to let him down gently. Just because someone works full time doesn't mean they're mentally healthy or a good influence.
Actually, I'm getting less grumpy because of having worked through a lot of anger, doing meditation, yoga, we're come attitude, and loving myself and others.
I think that ageing= grumpiness is a stereotype.
To me everyone is a unique individual throughout their lives. Embracing my uniqueness and creativity is going to be my commitment to myself, Best I can keep it.

edited 1x for grammar by there

[Noname]

Embracing my uniqueness and creativity is going to be my commitment to myself

I really like that. I think your outlook is good, and it's great that you are taking the time to really examine what kind of people you want in your life.

[there]

Thank you, no name.
S, the guy, called and I haven't returned his call. Not sure that I will. I Just don't think he's that good for me.

Self-esteem---that means esteem that comes from me, not from others. Thinking about this now as I separate from some rudeness from others. I didn't cause their attitudes.

Yesterday, had my second acupuncture treatment. I really like community acupuncture. Not just because it's relatively inexpensive. It's also nice just to light back on a recliner for 45 minutes, getting treated in a big room with others doing the same.

Elbow and arm which have had a lot of pain for a few months, feels a little better today. Acupuncture is Supposed to be very effective for tendinitis. Injured finger on opposite hand feels less painful, too.

Have some Financial paperwork to get at. Aaargh!!!

Thanks for reading.

[coconuts]

Yay you got the accupuncture

The last few years have been big about me realizing I need to have that worth within myself. I started telling myself. " Not my problem". When other people ( ie my husband) were upset with md. I would evaluate whether I was actually responsible for a bad choice or rudeness or something. And if not and if it was just their views of the world clashing with mine or perhaps a limited understanding on their part I tell myself to shake it off and go on. It's not my problem and they will probably get over it.

It was vital when I remarried for me to do that. My husband needed to know I wasn't just going to be whatever he was wanting to be. Which means I had to figure out what "I" wanted me to be.

It's all a very big step and change in life, but one for the better.

[Couragetoday]

Hi there,

That’s great that the acupuncture is helpful for you.
I’ve never heard of community acupuncture and it sounds really neat!

Financial paperwork, financial anything is the easiest thing to procrastinate for me.
I just find it so unpleasant.
I hope whatever you have to do doesn’t take too long and feels manageable.

Wishing you a good day

Couragetoday

[Noname]

Hi there,

I'm really glad the acupuncture is going well for you. Self esteem can be really tricky, but it sounds like you're really getting it. In my experience building self esteem is a process. Even when I know logically that I need to take care of me and not try so hard to take care of everyone else all the time, it's still hard. Keep hitting old brick walls, so to speak. But I'll get there, and so will you, because we deserve it.

[there]

Oh, thanks, coconuts, Ct, Noname, for your replies.
I am so fortunate to know each you here. I appreciate your empathy in sharing your own experiences.

So, I'm going to take a leap of faith and give myself some credit here for what I have gotten done with this stuff.
I finished most of the 5 questions for the business consultation. I'm preparing a sample file of my work to send with the email reply.
I started my tax forms this week.
I started the health insurance forms.
I've had 3 acupuncture appointments this week to address physical pain.
I managed somehow in the past few months to reduce antidepressant medication, substituting herbal treatment. Not doing anything drastic.
I did most of my therapy homework.



Now I need to give myself some kind of a break before I begin to chisel away at things again.
Thank you for reading.

[coconuts]

Yay you sound like you have been very productive. You should definitely give yourself credit for what you have accomplished. Hope the accupuncture continues to help and you can get back to your piano.

[Noname]

there,

That was such a kind thing you did for yourself, giving yourself credit for things you got done. I really hope that you gave yourself that much deserved break.