A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

A discussion area for anyone who loves a survivor and needs some support of their own.

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the husband
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Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:11 am

Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by the husband » Sun Mar 24, 2019 3:55 pm

Thank you coconuts and Fleur

My wife is in therapy, so she may end up processing there. I appreciate the thinking about tantrums and embarrassment.

I chose to wait this out a little on the chance that this was some sort of tantrum and she was embarrassed - plus I've been pretty busy so choosing the best time to talk was going to be difficult.

Yesterday she got up before me to do an errand and returned with breakfast. This never happens. Today at breakfast (I usually make weekend breakfasts) she asked me for help, stating that she felt she has been drinking too much. She went on to say that she felt that her drinking was a contributing factor in our argument of the other night. She said she wanted to apologize again. I gently pointed out she had not previously apologized at all, and that I was relieved that she was doing so now, because it had been a difficult and confusing evening. She said she was ashamed and shocked by her behavior, and looking back it made no sense. We made a plan to curtail our drinking and replace with exercise (and water).

Success! Thank you for your support, both of you. Knowing that you were listening and validating helped me keep it together long enough for the smoke to clear.

coconuts
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Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by coconuts » Sun Mar 24, 2019 6:31 pm

So glad you guys were able to have a conversation and make some plans. When I get that way I feel like I cant understand why I'm acting that way. In my head I'm telling myself that I'm acting childish or overacting. I'm telling myself to stop but it just keeps going.
Good plan to use exercise as a way to feel better. Especially if she is trying to process in therapy.

Fleur
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Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by Fleur » Fri Mar 29, 2019 3:14 pm

Hello the husband


Can be really tricky for me to apologise - I can think I've done so, therefore become puzzled when people arc up or I might forget I've said my piece and start afresh which tends to upset others

Great to know that you and your wife are making joint decisions, plans

Very happy to know therapist is assisting

May you and family enjoy last weekend of March


Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

the husband
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Posts: 484
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:11 am

Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by the husband » Sat May 04, 2019 7:20 am

We nearly fought last night, but my wife wisely veered off and went to bed instead.

We were chatting about her new job and I made the same old joke about how I am older (3 years) and how she will keep me in the comfort to which I have been accustomed to in my retirement. This is vaguely amusing because I full time and then work on household projects on the weekend - basically the idea that I would relax in retirement is laughable. This time she retorted that she paid all the bills last year and had handled a myriad of other household things. She saw I looked puzzled and said this was not the time for an argument - so she went to bed.

Today I asked her if she had perceived that I was criticising her for not working more (she has been off for long periods due to injury, additional education, depression, job changes, child-rearing of course, stress, etc.). She said that she had misheard me and began going down that road, but then realized she was overtired and walked away. On her way to bed she realized that I would never say what she thought I had said, and in fact had expressed the opposite many times.

Progress!

Fleur
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Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: A Husband's story (formerly "the husband's story")

Post by Fleur » Fri May 17, 2019 3:15 pm

Celebrating with you the husband ... may there be myriad other progress moments
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

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