My silly rituals to help me feel ‘safe’

[Booklover]

Ok along with everything I suffer with anxiety and have little things that I do to help me feel safe.

Whenever I go into a new room the first thing I do is scan the room looking for all the escape routes. And will always make sure I sit near one so can get out if needed.
I always have to sit on the end of a row so can get out if I need and have used the excuse that I have a weak bladder so need to be able to get out so can go to the toilet.
I am happier when my bedroom has stuff on the floor between the bed and door so will hear anyone trying to sneak in.

If for some reason I can’t do one of these then I become very anxious and feel sick.

What are some of the things you do to make yourself feel safe?

[coconuts]

I always look for exits as well. I may not sit near one if I have to have my back to it. I like to be able to see what is going on and who is in the room.

My biggest security thing is..
I have to know what time it is. I have so many clocks in my house. However I cannot handle red digital clocks. When I was a child I was locked in a room with only a few items including a red digital clock. I think I took comfort in it. For some reason I still find great need and comfort in knowing the time, so long as it doesn't have to be from a red digital clock( which is the most common). But I have some that project blue on the ceiling in my room which I love.

I always lock bathrooms when I go in and even have double shower curtains. It just makes me feel better.

[Booklover]

Hi Coconuts (I really love your username)

Thanks for replying. It’s strange some of the things we use to cope isn’t it. I feel that my coping rituals are silly and that it really annoys people. Like when going to cinema with the kids and being first there and having to sit on aisle sobhave to keep moving so others can sit down. I’m sure it must drive my kids crazy but they just do it and don’t say anything. In fact they just find the aisle sit without question now.

Another of my silly ways is I hate to be late and can really get into a panic if think I’m not going to be early so much so that sometimes more than 10 minutes early and have to hang around but I use that time to check for safety (even if I know the place very well) and to practice my mindful breathing so can look calm on the outside.

[earthhorse]

You are both amazing. And I am feeling really inspired.

Though I know that I need things to be safe in certain environments, like sitting on the edge of the aisle. I don't do it. It's part of the denial. And because once I am in a 'dangerous' context, like for instance just being at work or school. I have mostly already checked out and dissociated, and a compulsion driven part is in charge. I oddly feel safest when I need to perform or present, that's when I come back.

Things I do do to feel safe are more body based. I will stroke my legs to come back, feel my hands. I will breathe deeply. I will look around to check what time and date it is and name all the objects in the room to become present. Smell is very important to me, so I use essential oil especially orange blossom. I sleep on the couch because I don't feel safe in my bed.

What makes me feel safe, in a sense of being more fully present, is being in the presence of natural beauty, the natural world. I read this about this as a practice, in Japan, when I was looking for some of Bashos poetry - . It seems like this is what happens for me. My ego is stilled and my sorrows are quieted by this kind of immersion.

Thanks for starting this thread booklover.
EH

[Booklover]

Thanks for you kind words Earthhorse. I wish I didn’t have to do the rituals to feel safe but if for some reason I have to sit in the middle of the row or am unable to sit near an exit/escape route I start to panic and then my maladaptive behaviours come in like SH and will sit and pinch myself or bite the inside of my mouth or pull my hair out until I feel grounded and safe in the moment I will also retreat inside my safe room in the safe house in the wood that I built when I was a child and stay there until I feel calm and safe.
A told me once to push myself my sitting one seat in and getting kids to sit on the end when at church but find when I tried this that I didn’t connect to the service and might as well have not been there.

[coconuts]

Booklover- I am also excessively on time. Being late is not an option for me. If I do I lose choice. I have no options where to sit or time to survey my environment. I spend the time in the place panicky instead trying to catch up on evaluating the environment and people in it.

Earthhorse I use smell too. I carry essential oils and smelly hand lotions. If I don't I go I to full panic at times. It is the only thing that can truly bring me back in a crowd or keep me from full on titling. This one bothers me because it helps a lot but it brings out anger. Anger that I cannot fully enjoy my boys basketball games because the crowds and the smell on BO is so overwhelming I HAVE to hold my hands by my face for most of the game to keep grounded.

I love being in nature. There is something so calming about sitting on a mountain top or by a lake or by the ocean. I am an exceptionally slow hiker and I think some of it is because I just love to drink in everything around me. The natural world is at once ordered and chaotic and beautiful.

[Booklover]

Coconuts I love being in nature so peaceful and no exasperation on you.
It’s hard always having to be early isn’t it, it makes everything so much more stressful.

Not thought of using smell, although love the smell of lavender, as a way to ground myself. Will have to give it ago.