Words of Meaning *triggers*

[Nighter]

These "poems" are a tricky way of "telling" but not telling because they are actually lyrics of songs cut up and arranged in different ways. A lot of us need to share in this way because any other way would incite some kind of punishment or activate some kind of programming. So far it seems to work well with few repercussions, so I thought I'd put it on the site so that there is some kind of record for the poems in case the written ones get destroyed (which is a likely possibility if any of the persecutory alters find out.)

I'll try to put trigger warnings at the beginnings of some of the poems if I catch them in time to edit, but I really don't know whats going to be written here, so yeh.

Feel free to comment if you like.

(ps - to all the insiders writing this, you don't need to sign your names or mention the songs the lyrics were "chopped" from, but varying the writing colour and style would be a good way of telling who wrote what without litterally "knowing." Just a suggestion. Go nuts.)

[Nighter]

**triggers - Eating disorder?!**

I can’t eat anything
Without shoving my hands down my throat
I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen my own eyes or the color of my skin
I’m just staring in the mirror looking back at the person I hate instead

Waltz moor by from first to last
noone

[Nighter]

I can't believe what I've seen, so scratch my eyes out!
I can't erase all those things I've seen
I can't erase all my memories

This is awful. This is all wrong.
I tried so many times to tell you
The pain is not escaping.
This grip loosens but it never breaks
Now I feel it coming back again.
this room is cold and spinning.
Knees are weak, hands are shaking, I can't breathe
Slide down the walls, on the floor.

Oh, I’ll pretend this isn’t happening this time.
I’m stable. I’m okay. (I am wretched, I am loathed.)

I feel something deep inside me,
I feel it growing stronger.
I feel it growing colder.
Something holds me down and makes me
act a way I can't explain
Even now I can feel it coming over me choking me

And darkness is fading in,
This is taking me over,
It's affecting my will
I do not have the strength,
I just cannot escape,

[Nighter]

**Triggers - possibly RA**


Void of feeling or heart
I know only the torches lit in the dark

Into debt we were born
A debt we must repay
so we blackened the sky
Into the darkest of nights
Smoke rising out of the flames
A breath of fresh air to fuel the blaze
Everything must burn to get back to its purest state
and all the best was yet to be laid to waste

With everything comes a price
there in that moment like the eye of the storm
Pushed so far to the edge
I teetered just on the brink
Then the point of return was crossed
my hands were left shaking
I have caused this.
I am to blame for this

8 S

[Nighter]

**triggers - possibly Self Harm**


I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away

I think of letting go and never looking back
Replacing this pain with something numb
And never face all this pain here all alone

The guilt grows and grows
I'm not worthy of grievance
I did nothing to prevent this
I dig this dagger into myself
Twist and turn it until I'm numb
And I'll continue until you end it