Welcome Oldtimers

[mmespe]

oew, I remember you too.

My goodness, this is a terrific reunion!

I should say, I also have come very far. I'm no longer in a black pit; I've left self-injury, my eating disorder and suicidal tendencies behind me. Took a long time, and, looking back, tremendous effort. I ended a relationship with someone I continue to love very much, but it was very harmful, very abusive. Sometimes I wish we'd get back together, but I am now able to recognize that it wasn't a healthy dynamic. It's funny/odd but somewhere I learned that I am not worthless. I'm actually kind of likeable. It's to my T's credit that I got through all those jungles!!

I went through DBT training, which was alternately boring, trite, painful and terrific. LOL I learned quite a bit about myself and how to handle things, how to care for myself, when I am 'present', that is.

I'm still extremely dissociative, which is why I re-sought isurvive. For help, for the connection. I want to get integrated, to own all the pieces of myself and my memories. I want to be whole, and I will need my friends to help me. Hopefully I can help, too. I've really missed the supportive atmosphere, and also the food fights.

So there's me!

mmespe

[Lego]

Wow!
OEW ... hereandnow (great name!) of course I remember you, what a lovely surprise to hear from you. Will poke around a bit to see if you have shared about how you are these days.

Mmespe, that is some major quality of life improvement work - congrats! The things you describe that you let go of - that is quite a portfolio of unhelpful stuff you pruned from your life. Good for you. And yes you are like-able. And you overflow with worth. Glad you learned those things.
Cheers
Lego

[Nazdaq]

Hey lego and mmespe...old timer here too! I'm doing the pruning thing now, good isn't it?

[Truth teller]

Just some notes here about the things I am adding back into my life at this stage of healing abuse:

Physical exercise - for me that will be yoga.
Quiet meditation - allowing some little mini time outs when needed.
3D friends - you all have been great but it time for me to reconnect in real time, just a bit scary
Being open about my status as a survivor - this takes real skill and boundaries. I am just learning how and when to speak up.
Focusing on my own family relationship with my husband and grown children again
Learning to use what I have learned along the healing path as a lifestyle. practice practice practice.
Getting old relationships with unhealthy family members in perspective - for me I am no longer in my slash and burn stage but simply choosing healthy and moving on.

These are a few of my long term issues in my healing now. It is great to be past the acute OMG phases of abuse healing. Things are slowing down and getting more focused. There is light at the end of the tunnel! I hope it is not an oncoming train.

gently,
Truth teller

[smallgraces]

truthteller,
You made me giggle in your statement about an oncoming train. A pilot said that to us once when we were ready to cross an ocean on a plane. And the plane was having engine problems. Fortunately all was well and he was just being funny.
There are some things I'm also working on
Responding to life more in the present instead of a reaction to my past.
Trying to be more attentive to all parts of me and having us be on the same page so that we can work together. I'm still working on loving and accepting all parts of me.
Like you Truthteller, choosing health with my family and friends. Letting go of the need to remove eveyrthing from my past. Now focusing on the present.
Learning to allow myself to have fun and have fun with my family.

I'm feeling like I'm in a good place these days and its been nice.

peace,
smallgraces

[Icarus]

Another old timer here, but still floating around the old place. Great to see so many old faces here.

Icarus

[Starshaped]

I wasn't sure if I coulnted as an old timer, but I guess three years is long enough!!

good to have some space here

Star xx

[gracelynn]

oh my... it took a few minutes to see when i first registered for the old, i like to call it the 'peach' colored site!! so many late nites spent up reading, responding looking at that color!

so, i feel super old... i first registered in 2005!! and, i know that i was online quite a bit of time before feeling safe enough to register...

it has been fun to read responses, and see other 'old timers' respond here...

this will place will always hold a special place in my heart... there have been many tears, laughter, relationships formed and lost, relationships formed and still have... those who i hope know will always be a part of my chosen family -regardless of how often we spend/spent in conversation over the years... there are many, many dear people here...

funny, as usual, am not sure what to say about me... but i'm more comfortable admitting that at least now!!

i have grown in so many ways since i first got here... it has been and still is a journey...
i am still seeing the therapist i began with upon arriving at this site...
we have traversed many ups and downs along the way...

i do find myself wondering if i'll ever 'make it to the other-side', and yet i know that i'm still pushing through, and though my life isn't what i expected it to be at this moment, i am finding myself being able to enjoy the ride -at least for the most part...

am hoping that in a little over a couple of years i will have my masters degree in marriage, couple, and family therapy... (have been thru 2 years, but am currently needing to take a break) -mostly before i go into internship i needed to really settle in to some serious pieces of therapy to grow myself deeper, before reaching out to help others, so i can be as present, and fully attuned to the other...

the school process has been an adventure, like therapy amped to the nth degree!! times i thought i wouldn't make it through, and yet, lots of lessons in perspective, and lots of learning about myself and being ok with what i find...

i also did something quite bold for me, over a year ago now i changed my full name... that has been an interesting journey, and quite freeing...

ok, it's actually almost time for me to meet with my t...

but am sending my love and safe hugs to each and everyone of you that has been there throughout the years, and those that are here now...

always,
gracelynn

stand before the people you fear and speak your mind -- even if your voice shakes.
~maggie kuhn

[birdygirl]

Welcome back Gracelynn! Sending good vibes and ((( pug hugs to you)))

[Faith]

Hi, gracelynn.

Good to see you!