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Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2019 10:54 pm
Thought of this today. Not sure if needs anything else. It’s not often I write about how I’m freeing as find drawing easier to draw. I always start to judge myself and that is no good
But wanted to share now and ask your mrntsnxofbjnn
Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2019 10:56 pm
Oh dear would help if I shared them. Lol
Eyes heavy but must not cry
Must not, can not show any emotion
Do not let them see any weakness
Do not let them know
Can’t let them in, can’t let them know
They mustn’t know
My dear child.
It is not weak to cry
It is not brave to hide
Asking, hoping talking
Be brave little girl and show them, tell them, let them see.
Brave little girl what a brave little girl!
Posted: Fri Apr 19, 2019 2:54 am
I can relate to this. I actually cannot cry. Well not about this. I can cry about current problems but the second j feel the urge to cry about my pain for this it's like a solid wall slams down in front refusing to let me cry.
Posted: Fri Apr 19, 2019 4:05 am
Yea like it’s ok to cry over other stuff but not about your own pain. Whenever I cried as a child was told to stop being a baby even if crying because if physical pain and still see it as a sign of weekends.
Posted: Sat Apr 27, 2019 11:15 pm
I started having spontaneous crying and sometimes sobbing, even, in my 40's. I had to learn to roll with it and let it come out. That was hard.
Even after that, I am stoic most of the time, but can break down when really triggered.
I'm better every time I cry, I exercise my will, as I was punished severely when I cried.
Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2019 8:44 pm
I can’t cry. The emotion is there; the pain is there, but the tears refuse to flow. I don’t know how to release them. I can feel sympathetic towards others and their situations but when it comes to myself, there is only hardness. I hate this about myself! Everyone thinks I’m “hard” and unfeeling. I’m really not, my emotions and feelings run deep. I just don’t know how to let them show. I was “programmed” at a very young age not to show my emotions. That was a sign of weakness. And when I did cry, the abuse only got worse. So, I didn’t cry! Now I need to, but can’t.
Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2019 9:00 pm
Sorry for those of you that after years of programming now can’t cry. I don’t remember the abuse getting worse if I cried but then I don’t remember crying much when the abuse happened the times I do remember crying he seamed to think it was funny or the pain was my fault and he would say.
But I do remember my mum telling me off for crying and that only babies cry or saying if I didn’t shut the noise up she would give me something to cry about - which now makes me laugh as if I was crying then there would have been a reason. I soon learnt it was weak to cry and still hate it if I end up crying as feel weak and even more so if it’s in front of people. One day I hope that I can believe the second verse of the poem and that it is brave to cry
crying and abuse
Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2019 11:44 pm
Thank you friends, you have helped me remember something. Just now. Just technical/methodology stuff, but it helps me.
I hope maybe I can help someone out there too.
Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2019 2:15 am
Not just me who doesn't do crying, then. It's a relatable poem, thanks for that. From what you said writing is outside your comfort zone. That's brave too.
Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2019 10:07 pm
Thanks Kenazandisaz I do like to write but not usually poems as never felt I was any good at them. I normally just write what I’m feeling just as is and rarely share it but have enjoy the poems and find them helpful.