POEM: Being a survivor

[Whataboutme]

I have lots of foster children
Some who had to learn not to cut and burn
One whose terror is still so great
All she can do is vomit distress
These children are a part of me.

I've had to change my name
Move from place to place
Tell my friends and employers
Why someone might be sending them
Unwanted False Memory Syndrome leaflets
On the run forever from the two
People known as my parents.

In my heart I grow daily
Not to shut myself out of life
To bear and heal the shame
That has left me like a cripple
Unable to stand in a room and feel
I deserve to be there.

In my soul I've had to reach
So deep to tolerate and accept
The inevitable "whys"
To remember, to bear that pain
Above all to know I can, from them,
Be different, be free...

In friendships, to know I don't know how
From all those years they
Kept and marked me apart
In work, to fight the belief
I need to be perfect to be there
In parenting, to feel the shame
Of only knowing bad ways
And struggling for better...

I've felt it's easier not to relate
And avoided being with friends
Chased dangerous sex and so
Been betrayed again
Been so alone with my memories
Of devastation and pain
That all I could recall
Was a tunnel of loneliness
Stretching back to the womb
Tried to stay with myself
Dodging the missing person posters
My parents plastered around the town
Knowing their truth to be much deeper.

The hardest struggle of all
Beyond survival is perhaps
To find compassion for my self
When even therapists have
Sought to control, or left me
And doctors had deaf ears
To put on foot in front of the other
And live each day
As the gift that it is.

_ _ _ _
(((Thanks for reading)))

[FainsFamily]

Whataboutme

I was very moved by your description of your "foster children", your love for them is evident in your writing. Your courage also shines through, you have survived so much. Very honest writing, thank you for sharing it.

Fain

[Whataboutme]

Thank you Fain.

[ZenHarmony]

Wow, that was pretty powerful, Whataboutme... hope to see some more

Zen