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Being there for my brother

Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2018 1:14 am
by reddinah
Just yesterday my younger brother and his girlfriend were involved in a car accident. It happened at a notoriously unsafe intersection where accidents are common. Two motorcycles collided with the girlfriend's car, hitting the passenger's side where my brother was sitting. Thankfully he only got some cuts and bruises. I'm more worried about the long-term psychological effects.

Both motorcyclists died. They weren't wearing helmets and were going above the speed limit. Still, my brother cried when he found out they were a married couple with five kids, ages 22 to 12.

I tried to hug him and he immediately pulled away, saying "I don't want to be touched right now!" I told him it wasn't his fault and he snapped "I know!" I asked if he had thought about getting professional help, and he said "I probably will eventually. This just happened yesterday!" (That means no. Our stupidly prideful family does not believe in psychiatric help, and has shamed me many times for going to therapy and taking medicine.)

To make matters worse, both he and his girlfriend have had their names in the news, so they've had to change their social media profiles to avoid harassment. Yet his girlfriend has already recieved an awful message from a stranger. I'm especially worried about any racist backlash my brother might receive.

Even prior to this, I've been worried that psychological issues from our abusive upbringing could manifest themselves at any time. Right now he's a seemingly sane, sociable, outgoing 24-year-old. Whatever issues he may have are apparently dormant. But now more than ever I'm seeing his inability to deal with his feelings and his trouble with giving and receiving comfort. I just want to hold my baby brother and take care of him and he won't let me.

Re: Being there for my brother

Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2018 4:32 am
by wolfspirit
I'm so sorry this has happened to your brother and his girlfriend. Sorry you're feeling so worried about it.
These tragedies are extra hard for survivors.
I'm here listening to the thoughts you're having. They are intense and always there right after the experience.
It is hard to let go of control over protecting our siblings. They have their own lives and make their own choices. But we still feel that protective drive. I understand that.

sending peace and comfort,


Re: Being there for my brother

Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2018 8:16 am
by reddinah
I feel sick with worry for my brother. And I'm angry. I keep seeing social media posts referencing the crash, reminding drivers to pay attention because "Bikers have families too." Well, when you ride a motorcycle, especially if you have children at home, WEAR A DAMN HELMET.

Why did they take that risk? They would have had a better chance of surviving with helmets on. Then my brother and his girlfriend wouldn't be traumatized and guilt-ridden and recieving backlash on social media.

The general public has no idea what my brother and his girlfriend are going through. They don't know what kind, responsible, compassionate people they are. My brother had his girlfriend's pet rabbit in his lap when the crash happened, and his first concern was making sure the rabbit was okay. When he called our parents, he said "I was in a car accident and I'm bleeding, but don't worry, the bunny's fine!" Does that sound like someone who would recklessly endanger anyone?

Re: Being there for my brother

Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2018 4:08 am
by wolfspirit
The media, any kind, it all about selling the story. They'll always capitalize on what they can. Tap into the tragedy of an accident.
It hurts to watch and I'm sure it's hurting to your brother and his gf.
They are not at fault.
If some journalists imply that, I think your b and his gf can take legal action against that false information.
I think the only thing you can do is help them however you can. The media is stealing your energy for that. Don't let them.
I hope they're doing okay with their injuries.

take care of yourself, too.


Re: Being there for my brother

Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2018 7:56 pm
by Harbor
Hello reddinah

Here's hoping that things have settled down for your brother and his girlfriend by now, and that they have been able to start recovering in peace.