Talking to my sister about her children's safety

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loopdeloop
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Talking to my sister about her children's safety

Post by loopdeloop » Wed Feb 24, 2016 8:45 pm

My sister & I grew up together. I experienced abuse; she didn't. My sister has been talking about sending her young children down to spend some time with our parents alone... something we always did growing up. Her eldest, 6, is very smart but has learning/sensory issues & as a result has fragile self esteem. My mother has already made comments over the years about how she doesn't think my sister handles him appropriately, how he needs corporal punishment to set him straight, etc.

Given this & how I was treated as a child (some physical but mostly emotional abuse), I'm very concerned about leaving him & the other kids alone with my parents. My sister had a different home life entirely, but she did learn of my abuse 10 years ago... an uncomfortable revelation for her & a topic that still isn't easy for us to discuss. Because of this, I'm not sure how to talk to my sister about my worries. For the sake of her children, though, I think the conversation is neccesary. Does anyone have any suggestions about how to talk about this with my sister?

Xanthia
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Re: Talking to my sister about her children's safety

Post by Xanthia » Wed Mar 02, 2016 1:27 am

Loopdeloop,

This is a huge concern for you. I really don't know how I'd approach this topic if I were you with my sister.
There is a book that says stop, I don't like that... teaching children to tell responsible adult as well as expressing their feelings.
Stop. I don't like that... for other people and themselves. Perhaps reading such books to your family's children could help keep them safe.

Maybe speaking when you are engaged in a shared activity could be useful to quietly share with your sister.

I wish you well in keeping children safe and secure in love.

the husband
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Re: Talking to my sister about her children's safety

Post by the husband » Fri Mar 04, 2016 8:59 am

Great suggestions. As the spouse of a survivor (and perhaps a lesser survivor in my own way) I feel that my life's work is to provide a relatively safe and sane childhood for the kids in my family - to extinguish the cycle. While it is tempting to go in "loaded for bear", often a more subtle approach is most effective.

loopdeloop
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Re: Talking to my sister about her children's safety

Post by loopdeloop » Wed Jun 01, 2016 11:08 pm

I just wanted to offer an update. My sister visited this weekend, & we did talk about this. She completely understood my concern & said that her husband had originally shared it. In the end, they felt that she wouldn't be harmful to the children, especially not this young. I don't really agree, but it's not my decision to make. My part in this is over. I cross my fingers for the best.
Last edited by Jonesy on Fri Jun 03, 2016 9:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT

Xanthia
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Re: Talking to my sister about her children's safety

Post by Xanthia » Thu Jun 02, 2016 11:52 pm

Hi loopdeloop,

Thanks for update.
I agree that you've done all you can in this situation.
The parents are aware, so hopefully will monitor their children.... Not an easy undertaking.

May you find peace, having done all you could.

Warm regards,
Xanthia

the husband
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Re: Talking to my sister about her children's safety

Post by the husband » Sun Jun 05, 2016 10:02 pm

Thank you. I was wondering how this was going.

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