isurvive.org

Good.

That’s so great there.
Hope you have a blast using the car rental.

Couragetoday

Hi, ES, Ct,
Thanks for stopping by.
Went to T , mostly to get paperwork for new vocational counselor whom I see Friday. Brought my iPad to T appt to play Eckhart Tolle for last 15 mins of appt because I don't feel like talking about my life w her. Now can't find dang paperwork
New voc counselor sounds good speaking on phone. Sometimes i can tell by a person's voice if they're a good person. She has to be better than the other one.
I said 'adultifying' --renting a car, going to a reunion. But truthfully, I'm much more mature, deep, and I hope compassionate because of suffering and taking care of long term illness, abuse, and the loss has come with all that. I'm no longer ashamed of having coped with a mental illness and healed and overcome many difficulties that 'normal' people never face.
Tula got walked.
Am learning a little 'Pink Panther' on keyboard. Warmed up voice some.

Listening to Einaudi 's piano music. Surrendering to the solitude.

I love how positive you sound. So full of self acceptance. You are right. You've done well. Remarkably well. You have nothing to be ashamed of. In fact you have such strength and power for the mountains you've had to climb.

I love that in your solitude you still have a fur friend.

Ditto what coconuts said.

Hearing good things from you and others is so wonderful!

Hi there,

I hope things go well with the new vocational counselor. And also with the reunion. I haven't been able to muster up the courage to go to any of mine. Just skipped one a couple months ago, actually. Cheering you on!

Hi, coconuts, Easy Street, Noname,
Thank you all for your kind support. I go back and read the things you say when I need to.

I’m getting closer to maybe leaving T, as I realize more and more that she’s not really feeling for me in a whole way. She’s subtly disapproving of me, without saying so. No, not paranoia, just acute observation and experience of people. I’ve done a lot of deep work to heal and become an individual. She’s pretty shallow and really hasn’t shown the will or flexibility to grow with me.

I don’t know why society puts Ts up on a pedestal so much. Yes, there are some excellent, caring Ts. But like in every part of life, there’s a mixture.
I’ve experienced some of the worst. She’s not the worst, just kinda too caught up in gaining social approval herself, and then confusing superficiality with value.

The new vocational counselor is great, very considerate, thorough, a good listener, and focused. More about that later.

Doing affirmations a lot during the day. ‘I am calm, I aam confident, I am creative, I am enough.’

Breathe.

Reducing anxiety today, since some came up.
Taught at 1 library today. Class was pretty fun, and I felt pretty confident.
Like coconuts, I’vet caught a cold, probably just the change of seasons and draft from window in bedroom. I have ‘insulating ‘ curtains, but I need to buy some that work better.
Have to figure out something on computer before Fedx picks it up tomorrow. Aargh.
Might get to an inner child exercise tonight, or soon, to finish up penultimate chapter. It’s taken a very long time, because it’s intense, and involves grieving while doing every chapter. I know how to have fun.
Just not feeling great physically, and don’t want to crash emotionally either, tonight.

Oh man. Too bad you caught the crud. It's gone thru our community like crazy.

That sounds frustrating with your T. If you aren't feeling supported by her in the way you need, then there is really no reason to stay. Unless you were in danger, which you aren't.

You are right. Sometimes we place then all high and mighty but I have been hurt by them before too. Sometimes without realizing it. I believe I am undoing some of that hurt now in t.

Yay on the new vocational counselor. And yay in the inner child work. That's hard work but important. Sounds like you are doing most of your t on your own anyways. Sure maybe not super fun, but it is important and ultimately leads to greater happiness.

The physical and make the emotional crash quickly so do take care friend.

Coconuts,
Thanks for your words of empathy.
Cold symptoms better today. Echinacea helps.

Have mucho cleaning, clearing to do as inspection is coming up. The current state is still miles better than it used to be in here.

Vocational counseling prospect: rules for their support require me to either job search or come up with a business plan for self-employment. In 90 days.
Ok.
Next, want to change mobile carriers. I’m very slow doing this.

Cleaners just left. Together, we got living room boxes, art, etc. put away. Yay!

Feeling a bit fragile. Sigh.

Self care is really hard. How did I get this far?