There: 2019

[there]

thanks, Fleur, Jonesy, reisha!
Let's party on!
(throws confetti, blows into party favor blower

[Noname]

Happy way-belated birthday, there!

[Fleur]

Dear there


It has been yet another night of little sleep so if this doesn't make sense, please ask for clarification

Reading NN's post of belated birthday greetings, reminds me of a few people met over the years who celebrate their birthday week or month - some take a week off work for instance and I knew a few colleagues would never work on their special day

A number of people apparently do something special each day of their birthday month. One woman I knew quite well shared that she ensured savings were made so financially was all right to pamper herself with facial, massages, etc as well as bubble baths, celebratory food, sitting in the sun. Essential housework completed but otherwise she gave herself a month off chores. Her way of having s holiday as a stay at home full-time parent. Children had time away with relatives treated as a sleepover/adventure. Win win all round

Please enjoy a virtual birthday cake - a there friendly recipe, smile





Caring hugs

[there]

Thanks so much, Nn and Fleur,
Never too late!

Struggling with feeling helpless hopeless SU ideation, quickly discarded as no answer.

Feel so freaking alone and thrown away by ex-friends, society.
Fighting that, but alone tonight working.

Scared about self-support financially...
about to cry now....

[Fleur]

Dear there


I know I don't know USA system. Just wondering if there is some kind of safety net available for financial and/or in kind support as you transition to financial self support?

I'm glad you had friends - means you know how to form and continue friendship. I'm sorry about those people who failed to retain and maintain that relationship with you - they're missing your adventurous life changes, your quirky personality, the beautiful unique individual who is you

May tears turn into happiness, joy, love, away from negative impact - meanwhile, passing across box of tissues, silky soft wrap and warmed slippers - along with enormous mug of preferred hot beverage


Soft safe caring hugs

[there]

Fleur,
thank you.

I internalized , just because I witnessed and could do f* all about it, my parents in a terrifying fight. I was 5.
What I saw was life-threatening between them. I awoke and saw them at their bedroom door, etc. Not sure the details matter as much as the overall effect.

I was the only child of 5 kids to witness 2 fights like that. My father was throttling my mother. She really did and said things to provoke him. Not sure if the schizophrenia she had was a factor.

I see this as part of why I feel like SU at times.

Did speak to my Dad in later years about the 1st fight I saw. Eventually, I said he could have called the police instead. He acknowledged that he could have. That was it for that traumatic memory.

My dad did own up to everything I confronted him with. He also acknowledged it was wrong of stepmother to mistreat me as she did. I just took most of her VA, never could say anything when she said awful things to me to tear me down.



I've outgrown other things in life. I hope to outgrow self-sabotage, too.



changed NT to MT-there

[Fleur]

Oh there, I know you really don't need me to say it - but - no child ought to have witnessed parental abuse, fighting or had VA from any adult

Please - I wish it were simple, easy - but please find some way to and here I can't find words, sorry, am really really sorry for all this.... We both need a way to set memories into personal history archive. Not to forget but so we can enjoy adulthood

Sending special box of chocolates or some other treat you'd prefer


Soft caring hugs

[there]

Fleur,
I think everybody has their own way of handling things.Please understand I don't keep thinking about these things, then get SU.

I'm using the PA, VA, EA forum in one way I think it's intended to be used.

I do appreciate your empathy, Fleur.

Respectfully, I don't think anyone knows how this memory is affecting me but me.

I'm connecting some dots here, and that helps me get some clarity. I do inner child work that involves allowing a memory to be felt and grieved. I have a right to do what helps me and to write about it here.

I don't intend to hurt anyone here. Please don't feel obligated to read everything I write, either.

Chocolates sound great, thanks very much. Mmmm, dark chocolate caramel!

[there]

I got to the groupon dental appt. today. Snowing out, actually was enjoying it, and how pretty it was falling on trees.

Cleaning felt so good. Nice dentist, very thorough and kind. I have no cavities and he said I'm doing a good job brushing and flossing

So I'll rinse my mouth after the chocolates.

Tula got out for a walk in the snow. We need the sunlight and exercise.

[recover]

hi there,
no words but i want to thank you for your caring and offer support to you.
recover xoxo