There: 2019

[there]

You mean nobody responded to my last in a series of difficult, long posts?

thanks, reisha and Fleur for all your caring support.

I'm not feeling bad about everything I've been writing about loss. I'm just putting it outside of me.
Also, had a T who criticized me for being upset by losing something. Something like this---"Normal people don't get all twisted out of shape like you because they've lost something."

I've had an epiphany about SU feelings. When I start thinking SU, like just this morning because I slept in, bad me, I am turning it around instead.
I don't usually get to the point of any plan or method, it's just, "Ill kill myself" and just seems like a habit.

Instead of thinking "I'll kill myself", I am thinking, "Everybody who was so mean, hurtful, and deplorable to me can all join hands and jump off a canyon cliff together to end their miserable lives in shame and guilt for their meanness.

I am smiling.

edited 1x for content-there

[reisha]

Lol, {there!}
I banish folx to personal hells, or end their love life, career....
Actually, i do my best to wish them well, & remove them from my life.
Thank ya for sharin details bout yer mom, yer thots bout x-friend. It makes me fell ino ya a bit better.
I am so sorry to know she happened to ya; so glad ya survived, & (inna way) outsmarted her
Sendin tonsa love & support

[there]

reisha,
I appreciate you reading and posting, your empathy.
I loved J, the ex-best friend, especially when we were young kids in elementary school. We were at each others' houses a lot.
I called her my 'j-j', my pet name for her at 5 when we met.

I don't reeeeally want these people-abusers- to commit mass suicide. I don't even think about them that much--aside from my ex-best friend and the really abusive T.
It's just a momentary means to reverse the 'knee jerk SU thought in me. It's also using my sense of humor. I think it's a riot, and why should I hurt myself? It's my homegrown CBT, if you will, or even if you won't.

Of course, I do work on forgiveness and some people already are (mostly) forgiven.

Feeling much better tonight.

thanks for reading

edited 1x for identifying name-there

[there]

firefox is not letting me edit--something about 'secure connection'.

would have edited out possibly identifying pet name.

[Fleur]

Dear there

Since I've had new phone, I'm prevented from deleting my own posts, which was okay - at least I was here. Then, my postings were lost. Recently, haven't been allowed to access iSurvive at all. Very frustrating

Lovely to read about all the positives in your attitude. Just wanted to pick up re bus driver. He might be a person who decided a career change was necessary or had it imposed. I've met public transport personnel who have previously worked in many different professions. A taxi driver teaches PhD students one semester annually interstate then drives around his home town the rest of the year. So ... You might be pleasantly surprised if you have the opportunity of getting to know him better, smile

Nice that you have someone with whom to sometimes play '21' and walk Tula

Going to submit message before it vanishes


Caring hugs/pats

[there]

Fleur,
Glad you posted before it tried to vanish!


Thanks for your thoughts about bus driver. Doubt he quit. With quarterly changes, drivers have to change routes. Metro Area transportation Authority is it extensive, so plenty of bus routes he could be moved to. If I have the opportunity... Sigh.

Going to see Dr. soon for elbow pain. Was just there last week.

Need to work on project and vacuuming today.

Really cold out so taking uber to and from appointment.

[Fleur]

Dear there


Sorry to read about elbow pain. Hopefully will quickly heal

Using Uber seems excellent idea when weather is very cold

Wishing you well for project and vacuuming


Soft caring hugs plus pats for Tula

[Ashia]

Hi there

I just wanted to let you know that I deleted your duplicate post - no worries about that. Here's the link to Jonesy's announcement which explains why there were problems with logging in and editing posts the other day. viewtopic.php?f=13&p=198236&sid=5901f7b ... 78#p198236

With caring
Ashia

[there]

Ashia, thanks for deleting the duplicate post and for link to explanation!

Fleur,
Finished the vacuuming this evening, just had the living room to do. Aloe plant somehow fell, pot cracking, dirt splaying. Timing of vacuuming good.
Plant is in the sink. Guess I need a new pot!!!

Everyone planning for big snowstorm here i'll close to a foot tomorrow night through Sunday. I got some provisions in, probably enough.

To look a long walk today, whether 40°, maybe last good Time for a walk for a few days.

And I saw the bus driver I like again! Totally wasn't expecting it. To two on bus to go to local college art Gallery. He was driving!
Before I got off, we mentioned the weather. He wished me 'a great weekend'. He has the local accent, which I find comforting in a way. Now I know where and when to find him for the foreseeable future.

The art gallery was interesting! One space houses a 'sound wave'. Several huge pipes hang from ceiling. From each pipe, sounds emitting correlate with different orbiting satellites!

Walked near the tree lined river to return here. The nature was a palpable relief to mind spirit and body.

[Fleur]

Hello there


Really pleased for you to have reconnected with the bus driver you like

Thank you for describing gallery sound space. Be amazing to hear

Glad you have provisions for potentially being snowed in and that you had a long walk with some natural environment aspects. Agree that rivers, or other water, trees, etc are a feel good

May you and Tula enjoy your weekend, perhaps throwing / chasing snowballs?


Safe caring hugs