There: 2019

[coconuts]

Oh sleep my friend and enemy. Sad you are struggling with this. I feel like trouble sleeping will seep into my life and take over. It affects my ability to fully function, it affects the depression, it affects my ability to make good choices and remember things. Good sleep is so valuable and when I struggle with that ... Yeah. Yuck.

I too struggles sleeping last night. We shall see how today goes.

[there]

coconuts, hope your day goes well.
The tiny dose of Ativan helped me off to slumberland. Really don’t like the hangover I get with the full dose. Plus, it’s addictive, so I use it rarely.
But slept through most of 9 hours (yay) , getting up once to feed Tula. In the past week, waking up for 3 hours plus doesn’t help.
Yeah, all of what you attribute to sleep I relate to.
Hoping to just love and accept myself right now. Difficult, yet feels a relief.

[coconuts]

Self love and self acceptance are challenging but worthy tasks. I see so much strength and beauty in you. In someone who has been held back and pushed down a lot in life but has managed to still become such a wonderful person and to gain so many talents

[Noname]

there,

It's good that you were able to get a decent amount of sleep. Lack of proper rest can affect so many things, make things so much worse. I do hear you on the hangover from the meds. I've found that even a tiny dose of Xanax makes me pretty useless for a good 24 hours, but I'm extremely sensitive to medications.

I agree with coconuts - self love and acceptance are very challenging but worthy tasks. I've been trying to work on those things myself with mixed results. Also agreeing that there is a strength and beauty in you. I hope that you are able to see it in yourself, at least on some level. Sending care and support.

[DewDrop]

Hi there

[there]

Oh, coconuts, Noname, Dewdrop,
Now I’m in tears seeing all your lovely words.
Is ok, I need to cry right now, let it out.
Little and crummy sleep last night, stressing about Tula. Took 1/8 of an Ativan to get any sleep.
Dropped her off at vet for liver function tests. Don’t know how I’m doing this well. Maybe turning it over to the universe does work.
Intake person was decidedly mean, not treating others like this. I’m reporting her when I pick up Tula this afternoon.
Was so angry, then trying self-compassion technique.
Also, I know I’m respectable.
Funny, we made a RESPECT poster in each of my classes this past week.

Have to ship computer out for repair now.
Onward and upward.

[there]

I visited my website-first time in a while.
To ‘Dog Blog’, I actually added my first blog post, and uploaded a cartoon.
Feelings are tough because of Tula’s test today, waiting for results. plus mean and rude vet care ‘professional’.

After dropping her at vet, I bought her a treat and did grocery shopping.

And added to my blog!

[coconuts]

Yeah for getting things done.

Ouch on the sleepless thing. I completely get you. I'm exhausted all the time right now with all my lack of sleep lately.

Fingers crossed for Tulas results to be all right.

[there]

Oh, coconuts, thanks so much for being here.
Spoke with the vet tech. Explained to her how her gesture with words didn’t feel good to me. Her reaction—-“oh, I talk with my hands all the time.”
I say ‘reaction’ because she didn’t really respond.
Sigh, she really added to the hurt today. And I spoke up for myself-more importantly.

These vets at the pet store—-the ‘intelligent’ one, don’t really help you manage expectations. Didn’t tell me til I picked Tula up that it takes at least 2 days for the results-so outside lab. Her liver enzyme tests were done while I waited. Thanks for not giving me the big pictURE—again.

So, yay, more cliffhanging.
I have my legs up the wall. Self-care and compassion.
Tula is mine to love and take care of for her life, however long that may be. When she gets to leave this life, she’ll be with my dad. Wherever she goes, it’ll be better than here. There are wonderful, beautiful parts to life, but people are quick to be cruel and ignorant. On them. I used to be abused, now I’m just amused. What a giant, unlocked mental institution the world is.
Reset.
I’m a success. I don’t feel I’ve been held back from anything that really matters...learning what truth and love are. Exploring my intelligence and talents. Being the strongest, most courageous person I know. And some people say ‘the most fun.’ I’ve won the respect and love of children. And 1 dog.
I have evolved different values than society. That’s a big accomplishment. I have me, I define me.
I’m glad I have suffered and had to ‘go without’. I don’t need a to own a house or a car or a huge bank account to love myself, my arts, to belong, to matter.
I have excelled in many pursuits. And as my brother says, I’m ‘an excellent person.’

[DewDrop]

You are “an excellent person”, there.

I find myself trying to loose any expectations I have of others. I only get disappointed in people, if they do not act the way I expect or hope they will act.

Positive energy to you and Tula,

Dewdrop