reishas 2019 thread

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Couragetoday
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Re: reishas 2019 thread

Post by Couragetoday » Sat May 18, 2019 1:33 pm

Hey Reisha,

Definitely here supporting you with your goals this weekend. Is there anything In particular That might feel helpful in terms of support?
I could come here and offer a friendly poke you if you’d like. 😊
I am looking at my to do list today and it’s overwhelming. But I’d like to hold myself accountable also so when I log off I will pick the three most important things to work on today. (Plus something enjoyable)

The anti-abortion talk and opiates for pain usage are hot topics!
I hate that you are treated that way at the pharmacy. It’s gotten to the point where I am so anxious to pick up medications now, because you just don’t know how you will be treated, the looks from other customers even. It’s terribly frustrating and frightening that folks who use these meds appropriately, responsibly, that help them have a better quality of life, are automatically assumed to be addicted, abusing them, drug seeking. Ugh. So messed up.

“Im really strugglin w .... selfhood. How do i be me? What kinda senior do i *wanna* be, (vs) what kinda senior do i have the capacity of bein?”
That’s a really big question and difficult to figure out I imagine. I feel like I can relate in a certain way. I’ve been talking about grieving lately, which encompasses trying to figure out who I want to be and who I even can be. Trying to figure out what is even realistic. Not sure if that rings true for you also?

Thinking of you today Reisha.

Couragetoday

there
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Re: reishas 2019 thread

Post by there » Sat May 18, 2019 11:11 pm

reisha,
I hear you on the to-do this weekend list.
Checking to see how you're doing on it?
You're loved whether you to-do everything, but I support you in your efforts.
Am feeling the same, actually. Maybe i'll set out my own list here, too.(on my thread)
YoU CaN Do It!
'Paris is always a good idea.' --Audrey Hepburn

reisha
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Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm

Re: reishas 2019 thread

Post by reisha » Sun May 19, 2019 2:57 am

Courage, thank ya for that kind & loving poke.
& yes to everything else, ya sooooo get me!

There, as alwys, thanx 4 yer constantness & care.

Havna slept, in & outta tub 182736r63 times. Long talk w same fried, today she could focus on me. Did (wo)manage to get myself clean, hair & all. Not doin so good on slop. **** ask me more bout this,..... yano it goes deep.

Realized many things.

Call w friend interupted this post.
More later
Last edited by Jonesy on Mon May 20, 2019 9:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT, as no triggering content

there
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Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: reishas 2019 thread

Post by there » Sun May 19, 2019 6:09 pm

reisha,
Hope the call with a friend Is good for you.
Yay for getting your self clean, hair and all :!:
That's a Great step.
Ready when you want to talk more about the getting to the slop.
'Paris is always a good idea.' --Audrey Hepburn

reisha
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Posts: 1908
Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm

Re: reishas 2019 thread

Post by reisha » Sun May 19, 2019 7:46 pm

Thank ya there!

Slop.......
Y'all know my issues w this. After fightin so hard to get it 'perma approved' .... the fusio.n was 2002. Awarded fed DIS aound 04 or 05. ... as life continued to toss challenges, it took another decade(ish) to get the perma. Then housin issues, & ins changes, & there we went again. For the last 5 yrs, ive never been 'house stable' enuff to get it reset up. Alll along, parta my arguements ben that *if* i had ('unlimited acess' to the crap, i could not just maintain weight, but actually gain.

Well, apparently, that was untrue. Im swimin in slop! The co reminded me im due for another shipment - well, im still workin on chokin down the last case from TWO shipments ago! Theres a case by bed. One by the tub. One by my comfy chairs in front room. 2 cases in fridge, & 5 stacked for max trpping also in front. Havna weighed myself in forever.
I HZTE this shit! Ick. Yuk. Patuuueeeey!

Maybe i *should*... ~admit defeat, & go for feeding tube.......

I have zero appitie. Force myself to get 3 outta the 4 daily down. ( i need 2-3k calories/day to maintain, 4-6k to gain weight)

So, thats the gist on current slop issues.

Lotsa other stuff...

Realized its a major helloday wkend, no sence makin calls til tues, & suspectpain dr closed mon too.
REALLY poor timing/bad decision on my part, to procrastine on meds. Well, payin for it now......

there
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Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: reishas 2019 thread

Post by there » Sun May 19, 2019 11:42 pm

reisha,
Sounds like famine became a feast!
Not that I'm an expert, but three out of four cans consumed seems pretty good (?)

What 'helloday' is it where you are? I'm thinkin' Memorial Day is coming up at month's end.

Is the pain doctor like an emergency doctor possibly available on Monday? Would make a difference if you could get pain meds one day earlier?

Thinking of you reisha, hoping you can get a little cuddled and cozy with your feline friends.

Edited 1 X for grammar by there.
'Paris is always a good idea.' --Audrey Hepburn

Couragetoday
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Re: reishas 2019 thread

Post by Couragetoday » Mon May 20, 2019 1:12 am

Hi reisha,

Congrats on getting the bathing done and talking about difficulties with ‘slop’.
Honestly that sounds like an intimidating amount of calories to get in, esp when it’s unappealing and with no appetite (and other factors I’m guessing).
I can well imagine a feeding tube is highly unappealing.
I hope the amount you are managing to get in will be sufficient.
Wishing your medication supply wasn’t so needlessly complicated to secure.
Long weekends are terrible here also for any issues like that.
Thinking of you, sending ‘pain reducing’ vibes.

Couragetoday

reisha
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Posts: 1908
Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm

Re: reishas 2019 thread

Post by reisha » Mon May 20, 2019 3:01 am

Oh - duh! NEXT wkend, not this one.
Well, blew that......
Rinse & repete....


{{ goddesses!}}} Thank ya both, so much. There, courage - yer friendships are so precious to me!

Ive been trackin pain waves, types. Relearnin my body. Whats... 'primary' vs whats ... 'domino'. Alot i already know. The 'withdrawal' symptoms are mostly psyche., mild physical wdrawlal. But what i learned this time is about my neuropathy. Mostly left side, both arm & leg. My arm, it (wo)manifests as as 'elbow-itis'. There, ino ya can relate to this! Its a hot sharp pain on the back side of elbow joint. Anything other than arm fully extended & rotated outwards is peircingly painful. I can deal w that much better'n my leg, which is more of a really really deep bone ache. In terms of actual 'pain', this is nowhere near as peircingly sharp. But its such a deep sense of 'wrongness',, like my marrow hurts. The level of ..... 'rejection' is much more. Its like... the elbow pain, i can breathe thru. The leg pain is physically much more uncomfy. & ... not many trix ease it. Its impossible for to breathe thru it, as its ..... just there. Constant. Deep inside, there is sumtin Wrong. No waves, peaks or vallys. Muscle tension, sciattica, various 'itis--es' create a strong, constant, yet gentle 'pulling' thats not noticed as 'painful', until the entir leg - from pelvis to tose becomes hyperextended, like a ballerina 'on point'. When i notice THAT,, its BRUTALLY painful to .... release the cramp. This has been a loooong slow learnin process. Im still retrainnin brain to redefine 'cramp', which i associate w 'pain'. These cramps arent painful, the release is!
I realize the element of ... anology here, to my psychic pain, & am explorin that connection.

There, this whole 'opiates addiction crisis' (as media portrays it) imo does a great disservice to ligit paitents. When i meet w my pain mngmnt dr, we often discuss these aspects. Ive NEVER been 'blacklisted' by anya my drs, never engaged in 'drug seeking' behavior, i take my meds ( more like less) as prescribed. Yet becuza so much A&I amongst not just the general public, but even pros as well, there is a gross misassumption about what 'addiction' is, what it looks like. Becuza this, ive been required to provide ptests/bloodwork b4 gettin next script, had very restrictive limits placed on amounts, along w more 'hoops' for pharmas, drs, paitents to jump thru.
Not to mention our 'cultural spacetime' assumptions equating addiction to moral failure. ( the 'AA' model). Addiction, like most dis-eases, is spectrum disoder. From abstinance on one end, thru things like social use, to dependance, to what most folx think of - 'full blown' addiction. - defined as 'the continued & increasing use of a substance, DESPITE continueing & increasingly negative consequences'.

So, dependin on how ya define 'addiction', i may/not be 'addicted'. I am DEF 'on the spectrum' - holdin steady at 'physically dependant', which is a right, & ligit spalce for me, given my medical issues.

Dinna mean to rant, here. Just to inform/educate. Or, maybe i did mean to rant, lol! But very pleased to realize that even tho i spaced on wkend/dates/holidays, i CAN get my meds t'marra!!!!!!

Have continued w the in/outta tub - i seem to do 10 min in, 20 out. Keep tub filled, just drain a lil & top w hot. Bonus is floors so wet, its almost clean! (& i stink, from ... body temp changes, sweat, but am otherwise 'clean'. (Punny, considering previous paragraphs!) Ok, since phone calls dinna work, will replace w ..... changin litterbox b4 tmarra.

Have managed a few ' microsleeps', am hopeful for an 12 - 18 hr 'crash' tnite.

Continued gentle pokes requested!!!

{{{{ alla us!}}}}

reisha
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Posts: 1908
Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm

Re: reishas 2019 thread

Post by reisha » Mon May 20, 2019 12:03 pm

Last wkend update:

**** it all makes sense now!!!!!!

Taken in .... meaningful context for me, this was all about birthing. Laboring to understand, to be more me.

Stuck
Lost wandering, wondering aimlessly about.....

Who ami gonna be when i grow up?

An opportunity has presented itself for sum Meaningful Work. Its too early for me to say anything yet, but im really excited.
Put this on the 'ongoin vibes' list, please!!!

Dinna get litterbox done.
Still havna slept, but am takin MUCH longer sessions outta tub.
Gearin up for meds walk to pharm tmarra - either stay up til they open (prefered choice, as i look at time), or.... try & ask for SLEEP!!!! ( see paragraph below)
Am windin down, all the 2ndary pains, symptoms have eased, or consolidated into the few long standing issues. The old injury sites, the orig places of hurt are speaking loudly.

I wouldna recommend this type a healin for many, certianly not for novices!
Am gonna do 'one last' full cleansin bawdy bath ritual, set my Intentions for Labor Of Love to (wo)manifest the Meaningful Work op

{{{{{{{Isurvive!!!!!!}}}}}}
Last edited by Harmony on Mon May 20, 2019 9:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited from MT to NT due to no triggering content nor language

dancingfish
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Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:39 pm

Re: reishas 2019 thread

Post by dancingfish » Mon May 20, 2019 12:07 pm

Cheering you on, reisha! Have the kindest little ol' nudge from me, if it's welcome. :)

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