reishas 2019 thread

[reisha]

Hi courage!

Ooh, thanks for the large deadicated art space!!

Yes, a yr is a bita time. We've also worked on 'stupid pet trix', like jumpin thru a hoop (embroidery hoops, hula hoops), various climbing & leapin trix, balancin on various partsa my body (around my neck, on my legs or feet when im on my back, legs in air), - all kindsa things. Ive found that cats take bout a yr to get real comfy w a tricck, b4 they'll do it 'at will', or b4 adin to itt (a more complicated trick). & sum cats are more willin than others. Goo isna very willin, sproink is. Lil circus kitty. My beloved {plunk!} Spent his 1st yr 'fallin over dead' whenever i put a harness on him, lol. But he eventualy learned to harness walk.

Well, spent all day/nite sat sleepin, hencemy awakeness now. See t again tmarra (assumin sleep 'sched' complies).
Dreams of foo - old houses we lived in.
Dont really understand why so many dreams are set in foo houses, any more than i understand why my brain insists on 'runnin the old home movies' insistantly when i cant sleep. Obviously tryin to tell me sumtin, workin thru sumtin. Ijust wish id ' get it' already.
<sigh>
Well, need to get flat for a bit
Thnx 4 readin

[Couragetoday]

Hi reisha,

It was great to read the ways you interact with your kitties!
I can feel how much you love them in your words.

Interesting about the content of dreams you mentioned....for years my dreams took place in old high school (brain telling me something also I believe)
Somewhat recently switched to themes of not having a home... more learning!

Hoping your sleep schedule has shifted in a way that is serving you well.

Sending lots of caring and uplifting energy to you.

Couragetoday

[reisha]

Hmmmmuuuurgh.....

Seams a hole lotta nuthin beens goin on......
Kinda, & knot...
<sigh>
There, i can already hear/feel ya rollin yer eyes in solidarity of understading this next bit:
Last wk & 1/2 was a flurry of.... letters from mngmnt, - warning, 'heads upping', alerting ( the whirld needs more lerts - an old joke), notifying us of ..... that whole lotta bs. <sigh, w head shake & frowny face>. The housin auth inspection that ... either is result of mismngmnt here (lolng story), &/or needed since ... after flood repairs. Also, annual inspection is (over)due. Also, the fire system check up, complete w access to every unit, & alarms goin off allthelivedamnday. This fire one has been ..... warned of several times, put off, pushed back, resched'd...... harumph! This is the one where ya hafta have ridicously wide 'paths' thru yer home.(wheelchair wide), a minimum of 'flamible piles' (like, clothes, paper, books...), ridcously large 'clear areas' around all doors & windows - lets get real here, folx - NO one lives like that! Gratefully, im good at ~*staging*~ things, hehe.
So! Mon was maint, to seekNfind any probs, needed repairs b4 these inspections. Notice i said seek and find any neded repairs. I did not say anything about actually making the repairs. That was sumtime tues.... around 11, she (yes, our handyman is a woman!) Knocks to tell me 'around 1pm, 1st thing aftter lunch' ... 1:40 she shows to unclog bath sink, & replace kitchen fan. Wed was a dr appt, squished in after a 'no show' inspection, more letters, reshceds, .... confusion, no shows, maint lady w sum dude in suit in tow who breeze in & out, a quick glance here & there, we all e-sign on his phone - whambamthankyamam, next! Um, since when did maint lady have that kinda zuth? Was that housin auth, or the ever changin fire inspection? Ive yet to hear any alarms go off.....thurs, another sposed inspection, & dr appt, & i see/hear that the maint lady is draggin sum guy in ' dress casual' & a clipboard around, & i wait as long as i can & when i get back, the letter on my door sez fire inspection pushed back til the 8th/9th.....
ZRRRRRRGH!!!!!!
<que csn song>
W 2 cats & a yard
Of yarn, fabric, & then sum......
Fri, another dr appt, & i finally said fukkit, & Got To Work, ~upcyccling~ sum old clothes into sqares for watercolor quilting.
Suma these inspections, im required to. E here for. Actually, for alla em, as im the cat herder. Goo will hide, but the yearling will Sproink! Out that door faster than a cat after a bug. Esp when ya prop the door wide open.
Sew! Where do ya indulge yer outter seamstress, otner than AllOver the floor, as yer measurin, & cuttin, contemplatin layouts, etc?
W 2 cats & gawdnoze how many inspection-infections will wanna be traipsin thru here, pokin around?-

Its stressful. Similar to ..... waitin in room as a kid. Did i Do *good enuff*, pass muster; does what ya see meet w yer approval? Am *i* acceptable? I just all this shit over w already! Otoh, the place is neater ( if not cleaner, lol!) - & im paintin 3 pairs of boots; workin on my watercolor hoodie, & workin w sproinkles on leash

Need to get flat for a bit
Thnx 4 readin

[there]

reisha, getting ready to sleep, so not too many words----
I do understand about the maintenance, inspection, when the heck are they coming, or then coming back...

i love reading about your fabric creativity!

[reisha]

Well, guess theres been a whole lotta nuthin goin on,which is why i havna posted inna while.
& kinda bummed that ... no ones checked up on me. Kinda 'proves' my ..... 'nonimportance'. Guess inna way its another one of my 'tests', which seem set up to always fail. Or suceed, dependin on how i guage these things. Its the same w all social media that i use. If i dont make noise, no one notices, no one wonders at my silence.
Yetit goes further. If i dont phone friends, they rarely call me. & no one has ever just 'dropped by to visit', but maybe folx dont do that any more?
So, it makes me wonder if if its (just) me, or if its ...'them'. Either way, i dont know what to do to change it, esp as i go forward in my life. What am i missing, lacking; what skill(s) do i needto work on, improve?
~~~~~~~
In other news, i think im takin a t break, since i cant seem to find anyone to work w. Theres a VERY short list of t's who accept medicare/medical. The list gets even shorter when lookin for t's that're acceptin new clients. It goes to almost nonexistance when lookin for trauma/ptsd specialists. Harumph. So, am 'backburnering' it for a while . Aka as 'giving up'. Frustrated beyond belief, as sposedly, we are ~guarenteed the *right*~ to this care, yet other laws, or 'social issues' contridict, disallow for such care.

Gotthru thelatest round of inspections, even w the delays, rescheds, etc. Its very stressful for me - both kinda putin my life on hold, or scurryin round, on edge to make sure .... <flash back to childhood> my rooms clean enuff, fridge dunna have rotting food, catbox scooped, etc - that ivedone everything * Good Enuff* to pass muster, Get The Grade. Im afraid to do anything to 'mess up the clean'. Altho i get the whybehind the inspections, i still find the entire process insulting, a sign of .... distrust, its dehumanizing. Not good for mental health. Ya'd think, as its public housing, that sumwnere, sumone would connect this. Folx in public housing most likely ~have an issue or 2~ that may have contributed to them bein in public housing inthe 1st place. But, guess itd be wrong to consixer things like dignity, shame, past history,or mental health in thisequation....when *IM* Queen.....

Anyway, been workin alot on the watercolor (notta) quilt technique for my hoodie. Theres so much i love bout this technique. Its basically .... cuttin fabric into 1inch sqaures, then arraingin each square as a 'pixal' in a lzrger pix. So, its alotta ... color, hue, shade & tone value judgements. A square that has several colors in it mite be used as a predominantly green square in oneoption, but becomes predominantly purple in another. The amount of detail created in the larger pix is astonishing. It istimeconsumin, however. & its easy to get lost in the squares, colors & forget what ya were doin, or goin for, as yet another cool combo emerges from the fabric movements & placements.

So, all in all, guess im doin ok(ish).
Aside from wonderin how i can 'matter more' in this whirld,tofolx.

Thanx 4readin

[dancingfish]

Oh reisha. *bundles of hugs!* I've been thinking of you, and I know I'm not the only one. Just been a bit quiet/not posting on a whole bunch of threads here. (Or, I manage one, then another maybe a few days later.)

You are so very much a vibrant part of the community here. :) Important, worthy, and missed when you're not around! I care for you very much, too. Will try to "check in" with you a bit more. <3

Bit short on words this evening, but get you completely about inspections. At my old place they forgot to do them after a while - I didn't tell anyone, and living became a whole lot more comfortable. Just not worrying about someone checking up and possibly finding something "wrong", that old fear resurging it wouldn't, somehow, be good enough.

{{{reisha!}}}

[EasyStreet]

Hi reisha,

I can go forever without hearing from people and then either be happy or sad to hear from them depending on who they are.

Having said that, I'm glad when you reach out to me!

I can honestly say that I think about my friends on isurvive much more than I interact with them. My empath thing, whatever that is. So I can be ruminating on the idea of you or something you said, and you will never know it. And I'm kinda paranoid about offending people with what I post anyway. That's my disfunction.

But, all people get busy, people get stressed, people get selfish, million reasons not to call or text, right? The squeaky wheel gets at least a bit of grease, right?

Someone said "never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity". You can replace stupidity by a lot of other words. So I paraphrase, "never attribute to indifference what can be explained by other factors".

Yeah some people are indifferent, but you have to figure out who they are. Squeak your wheel a bit more with the people you trust. Or with internet holograms like EasyStreet!

On inspections: Many years in military. Been inspected a lot. Always stressful, but at least there was some mutual respect. What you have to go through sounds very unpleasant. They should give a gift card for the best apartment or whatever, come on let's mix a few carrots in with all the sticks. I mean I could get a weekend pass if my gear was squared away!

You take good care. and squeak like a wagon wheel!

[there]

Hi, reisha,
You are important!
Please don’t think you’re not.
As I posted you last, I was watching and waiting for your latest post/reply (to me)!
I guess cuz you aren’t here for a stretch sometimes, it didn’t occur to me that you felt ignored. I’m glad you’re saying how you feel now.

Hear you on the indignity of inspection. Here, they contracted inspections out. Last time, housing manager accompanied the “pros’ . The past 2 years have been amazingly easy. The white-gloved commandant was switched to other duties. I believe you’ll do fine.

Thanks for sharing your wonderfully detailed watercolor ‘notta’ Quilt technique. I’m picturing you at it. You’re an inspiration, reisha. I have been doing an online drawing of my brother’s dog who recently died. It’s challenging—-(euphemism for nit picky and frustrating) but rewarding, too.

[reisha]

Dancingfish, thank ya so much for yerkind & understanding words.

Ya too, easy. - & altho what ya say is true, imo, its also kinda .... a 'reality excuse' & yeah, im as guilty as every human. While i can forgive my friends for gettin busy w their lives, its much harder for me to forgive a culture that supports the selfishness, greed, etc of the instant-on-demand-all-about-me-now-Now-NOW! Bs.
Im much more uv a ... tell the people ya love & care about frequently that ya love & care about them sort. Between my personal 'music community', & my professional one, ive lost far too many that i loved, & cared about.
So, guess ive kinda made another rule bout alla that. One *shouldna hafta* to make noise, in order to .... get attention, be noticed, recieve love. & yeah, as i type this out, i can see how it relates back to my early traumas. Of COURSE. My mind thinks in such ways.
So much for goin onna t brak, huh? <snirt!>

There - point taken. Sumtimes, i drop the ball. It takes 2 for a dialouge. Think i felt maybe like yer reply was a kinda ... nonreply, or there wasna anything for me to say, i dunno. But it kinda points to an answer to my 'whats wrong w me' question, & ties in w suma what easy said too. Hmm.... perceptions, expectations.... mayhaps ive more Work to do (ya THINK?!?!)
Oh, There - look up watercolor quilts. Itll blow yer mind! Suma these artists are incredable. Monets water lilies, nature scenes, things ya never imagined a quilt could look like! Im nowhere near so acomplished, but love the technique. It opens up so much creativity. Quilts, altho i luv em, i find boring to make.or too traditional. WATERCOLOR QUILTING, otoh....... well!
I think ya havemore patience than me, or it ... is centered in diff areas. W fabric, or beadwork, i dont mind 'the process' even if it takes me months ( or yrs!) To complete a piece. W 'pictures' ( drawing, painting, etc) i want it NOW( see above, where i rail about that, lol)

Anyway, .... ive got 2 sleepy furry bedlumps that i think probly need to be messed w, woken & taken outside...

Oh! & perhaps a last thot for this post:
When ya notice im not postin much on my own thread is probly when i could use a lil extra tlc.
(Just sayin)

Love y'all & care very much
{{{{{Isurvive!!!}}}}}

[there]

reisha,
I bet other people have feelings about coming to their thread and not seeing any posts for a while. I know I sometimes do. Or I measure my responses, not wanting to tax others , thus driving them away. Or I fear I have been what I see as assertive, then I’ve chased someone off.
There’s nothing wrong with you having and expressing your feelings here, needing and wanting attention. Nothing.

Sometimes I have more to give than others. Sometimes someone needs more and there’s a lapse. With summer weather I’m away more. And I’m busier than before. People where I live say they haven’t seen me around as much. If you don’t hear from me as often, that’s why. But I will check in on you here when I can.

I will look up watercolor quilts, reisha! Thanks for the info.