Something Simple

[IMA]

I wish when I die that I would have found a proper sense of calm within myself.

[wolfspirit]

IMA,
Do you have a support person or two? I'm reading your thoughts and hoping that you have someone 3D to process them with.
I think you have a t, but is that right?
Does it help?

sending gentle hugs and reassurance,

ws

[IMA]

I honestly can bring myself to the idea of starting a relationship.... the doubts of bittersweet affection is just that.... only good for the moment and not the moment

All it ever really is now is just sweet nothings

The doubts of people breaking you up is too strong before it gets serious.... really resonates with me at this time.

The thought of even having a crush... no no way I'm even at the point of is it even worth fighting for to even find you attractive

No it's not worth the risk...

[IMA]

Looking back....

I can honestly say I like and still like being unworried for as a person.

I miss just living life with the same sense of joy of going with the flow mantra.

Now a days it's just filled with a struggle to get through the next task.

I am no one... :3 never was and never will be to the most people.
But for some like a long lost connection of themselves.

Where they are, who they becoming, or even where they going in life.

[IMA]

Rumors are nothing...

Until to you believe them as truth...

</3

[there]

IMA,
Just how I feel--you are someone to me!

[IMA]

Over the last few days I tried to find that hope...

That inner warmth for something more...

It's not there, I have lost the connection with that part of myself...
The impulse of knowing there is more out there beyond and now in life.

The I see it that it is blocked and I want it to flow again. But for that to happen I need to purge. So far I have started cleansing for my body and journaling for my mind.

But my spirit it's fill with anger and hate so much so that it has made me hollowed, biased, and I don't want to be something I dislike the most... unknowing.

Unknowing is the worst for me because it allows evil and hate... with misunderstanding that could of been all resolve... mixed with the lack of effort and how my heart is so ready to walk away... to stay closed minded.

Have I really made it out or am I just really seeing what being on this planet is truly like?

Is it a way for the wicked to capitalize or for the untouched to be tested of what it is like to have endured true faith?

Sighs...

But I do and will find a way to let this hate from my soul my core... to be washed away. Throw out the jealousy of the person of whom I was about two years ago.

I was there and here I stand... now

I shed off the stupid hate or even truly what it is.. misunderstandment of others of me. You can have your opinion about, but don't be shocked about my opinion of you...now that I want to open up again.

It's crazy how powerful attention is and how people need if to properly heal. I am grateful I have that attention from my therapists, peers and even random taxi drivers that deliver me to my destination... my divine intervention

I pray that when I leave this earth the cases I solve will leave communities to rethink their structure of justice... for families to have proper closures.

I pray for my abusers to have their sins shed light onto them.

I pray for more life bonding.. life living friends, loved ones, and soulmates. I deserve that attention and what I would need anyways, but for the next few years to come it's just about me my healing... my sanity

For the last few days I have had mentally immoral dream, that mean me question if these were actual people, in this world I share with...that are going through the traumas i experienced in those brief moments

God if this is some kind of blessing hidden as a curse, then use me to help find these people so I can help guide them to a better reality...a meaningful purpose of a life.

One thing that has always made me wonder was i haven't dreamt of see my actual mother... lord i hope in time i will... i have always had signs in dreams and in the day where she is around me.
But i know i will see her soon.

Still talk with my soulmate from time to time, still like how we can share anything at anytime.

I have the same relationship with my best 3D friend... had a phone call that lasted for about 5 hours. The good, bad, and glitter of our highlights in ife.

It's crazy how sometimes you can picture someone you build genuine feels for. It's like you can Invision their smirk or a hand hold and even a hug.

I pray that this darkness of self hate will go away... that the mental self destruction of painful memories will fade away or even put to as fuel towards my goal, instead of pain in my being.

I still love to cry...happy, mad, sad, and even scared.

Still the thrift store queen... buying clothes for school for my little ones.

Papa B I prayer your heart gets strong and you live a good long life, even if you haven't gotten my chicken nuggets yet. I am keeping you in my thoughts, hopes, and goals.

I like how I can scare people by simple walking quietly pass them in the dark.

[wolfspirit]

IMA,
Sitting and listening to what's on your heart and mind. <3

ws

[IMA]

Today in a long while...

I accepted my body and how I am more comfortable in it than I have ever been.

[IMA]

I like myself....

Because yeah... that's pretty nice of myself to do.

:3