Fleur's 2018 thoughts

[Fleur]

Clarification recover - Dr J is neurologist. Apology for confusion

Dinner out has been nice there. Think company whilst eating can be pleasant, almost therapeutic


............

Been sh, su and very much wanting to isolate, even from here

[Couragetoday]

Hello Fleur,

That is big news from the neurologist. Can I ask how you are feeling about it?

Are the increased SU / SH feelings and isolation feelings related do you think?

Sitting with you, offering gentle hugs.

Couragetoday

[Fleur]

Hello Couragetoday


I really am unsure what I think, feel - or what might be related to what any longer. Thumping head makes everything go black and spotty and cannot properly sort out anything. Much other pain as well. I now wish I'd spent a little extra on a Webster pack so I can see when I take medicine. Hard to keep up or - another way - easy to lose track

Thank you very much for caring


Wishing us all happy moments during weekend

[wolfspirit]

Fleur,
Can you ask for the home support person you once had (I think)? Help you keep track of meds and self care?
Migraines and headaches are so debilitating.
Your strength to keep going and not isolate is powerful. I'm so happy you're here and that you are checking in.

Hoping you have some wonderful weekend moments, as well.

sending love,

ws

[there]

Fleur,
Sitting with you, if you'd like. I made a GF, DF, egg-free meatloaf and gravy. Recipe come out very juicy, moist.

Also made GF, DF, egg free chocolate cupcakes to share. Thinking of PB frosting. I am allergic to chocolate, but not severely.

In colder weather, I have to make effort to not isolate. You are my inspiration.

[Fleur]

Thank you there, wolfspirit, for writing

Feeling really alone despite having been out all day - how crazy is that?

I was standing at bus stop, on top of yellow square. I had waved at bus driver (he said he not see). He was about to drive without stopping. 30 minutes between services. Apparently, a bus flashing lights requires a would be passenger to respond. I've not heard this until this PM. Added to idea of I really don't matter

I think this episode began when I commented to researcher that I don't want to be like this for the next 20 years. Really difficult to choose to stay

Physically safe yet emotionally not. Much pain. And so cross about wakening several times overnight. And cat squash. Looks like storm brewing. I just want to hibernate

Shaking head metaphorically re negativity

So. Very. Tired

[there]

Fleur,
I felt very alone last night even though I'd been out and around people during the day, and walking with Tula. I get it.


Thinking about next 20 years---I get that one, too. Not to sound trite, but have you ever listened to "The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle? It's helped me with this. I live more in the present lately, with less fear of the future.

I believe it will feel less lonesome for you soon.

If it helps, I am thrilled to hang out with you, or pocket visit, too.

What does 'cat squash mean'?

[Fleur]

Hello there


Thanks for your company. Cat squash - when Soxy takes up more room so I have to fit around him or he jumps up to land on me. He probably doesn't realise I'm under the bed covers. When it happens middle of night, we both get a fright as I yelp and he gets down quickly

Isn't it odd that we can be with people yet feel solo? I'd rather curl up with a book. Much less lonesome

I'll Google Eckhart Tolle. Appreciate you sharing


Bye for now

[Couragetoday]

Hi Fleur,

I remember feeling more alone when former spouse was home vs at work (unhealthy relationship).
Also recently realized why I sometimes feel more alone after being around others: the longing for 3D connection is so strong , that when I am around people, but can’t make myself feel the connection I desire, I feel more alone, and that feels real painful. Does that make sense?

Dogs and cats must trade secrets....although my dog doesn’t jump up on me unannounced (that would startled me greatly also!) , he sure knows how to take up more than his fair share of shared space!

I hope this weekend holds lighter moments.

Couragetoday

[Fleur]

Hello Couragetoday


What you say about connection versus alone time does make sense of my experience. I just don't seem to be with people 100%; take part in discussion but it is like someone else is speaking. Kind of a dissociation perhaps? Shall think more on this

Glad your dog doesn't arrive unannounced - Soxy would be about as heavy as I'd want, smile. I remember one dog who would ask to sit on knee by placing a front paw on either arm or leg. That way I was prepared. And yes, when Soxy jumps it is a big startle


Best wishes for your week