There's Healing Journey 2018

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

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recover
Member
Posts: 16285
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 12:50 pm

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by recover » Mon Dec 31, 2018 12:58 am

hello there just want to wish you much health and all good things.
in friendship,
recover xo

there
Member
Posts: 6505
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by there » Mon Dec 31, 2018 6:09 pm

lost another freaking cell phone.
I bought a case for it, thought it was secure in my bag. lost.
had it less than 2 weeks.
well, they're on sale.

This is the hell I can never get out of. Losing phones and credit, debit cards.
I cannot count how many cell phones I have lsot. My Dad used to get me a new one ev ery time.
It HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS

I don't think it will EVER FREAKING END>

PUNISH ME PUNISH ME PUNISH TILL I"M FREAKING GONE.
I'm my reality, not somebody else's low opinion.

there
Member
Posts: 6505
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by there » Mon Dec 31, 2018 6:52 pm

Now because of me showing anger in the apt. which isn't aimed at anyone cuz nobody's here,
tula went after a little dog. She was snarling at her. I don't think she bit her, but the dog was shaking.
IT's all my fault.

I feel like a terrible person,
I'm supposed to be bad, bad off, punished, punishable, evil,
which is why I deserve a HARD HARD HARD life.

I don't know hwat to do with the anger. It's how I cope to just b e pissed off and vent here.

I can't do anything right today.

I feel horrible and will always hurt somebody, including me.
I'm my reality, not somebody else's low opinion.

there
Member
Posts: 6505
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by there » Mon Dec 31, 2018 6:56 pm

I never recover.
Poverty, blamre, no control over myself, my life,

no, that's all or nothing thinking...

i feel horrible about Tula and myself.
I'm my reality, not somebody else's low opinion.

Fleur
Member
Posts: 13116
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by Fleur » Mon Dec 31, 2018 9:31 pm

Dearest there


Wrapping you in a soft silky blanket with soothing music in background

I saw a man with a cell phone clipped to his belt. Overheard him say "otherwise I'll lose it". Really sorry you lost phone after such a short time. I only cracked a screen 3 days after buying an expensive one a few years ago - went on a rampage sounding similar to you, scared Soxy

May I challenge your all or nothing thinking? You've had a stressful time but it doesn't mean you are a bad person. Venting here is fine. You are doing the best you can with what life has sent your way. May your creativity come to the fore, your great sense of humour be quickly restored

Wishing you a happy 2019 with all positives and many special moments filling each day. May you have each need met abundantly. Good health, prosperity and helpful caring people surrounding you


Caring hugs and pats for Tula
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

there
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Posts: 6505
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by there » Tue Jan 01, 2019 1:49 am

Thank you, Fleur,
(dictation called you ‘floor’.)
I do have a new case for my phone that magnetizes it. And the case is hooked onto my purse so I can’t lose the case. I thought I put it back in the case, but I dropped The phone. Realized it within 10 minutes. Retracing my steps twice, discovered it gone.

Someone found it and Textedmy sister. While I was on Facebook with her messaging. They brought it back to my door. Someone who lives upstairs.

Yay. After a soul-wringing few hours including 5 bus rides, $50 on credit card, avoiding (mostly) self-flagellation, feeling that ‘this will never get better’ feeling and thinking it, I learned it was saved.

Then I couldn’t find my laundry card when I took clothes from dryer. A nice man used his in dryer pay slot for me. Found card. Put in drawer.

The friend from Christmas Eve dinner texted me, ‘Don’t lose anything else today”. I don’t like anybody telling me what to do who isn’t paying me or wearing a badge and a gun.

Now I have to let the friend know in an assertive, kind way. Telling others what to do is actually aggressive. Assertiveness offers choice, or doesn’t dominate. I try not to boss students around. I have to set limits and rules, but I point out that I have to follow rules, too. I say, ‘please, do this.’ As much as possible. And thank you.

This friend is an expressive T. What fun to teach others. Never get tired of it.

Trying to focus on how lucky I am.

Thank you for reading.
I'm my reality, not somebody else's low opinion.

there
Member
Posts: 6505
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by there » Tue Jan 01, 2019 3:08 am

Thanks again, floor,
For empathizing gently with me here. For reminding me of my sense of humor.
Am mostly finished drawing a strawberry on iPad in a program called Procreate. I am taking a class in this on Udemy.

Letting as much go from the day as I can. Maybe choice can apply to what I decide to remember from today. My mind seems to go to the personally irks some things – as persons irking me lately. It’s MY mind . Gaining a little muscle in it – a letting go muscle.

Sigh. I think I need some qigong. It’s something I can do something about.

Really don’t want to sink into the powerless lonely feelings. No black holes ahead, please, Universe.
I'm my reality, not somebody else's low opinion.

recover
Member
Posts: 16285
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 12:50 pm

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by recover » Tue Jan 01, 2019 4:40 am

hi there,
sorry you had such a hard day. sending you much healing and warmth and caring and strength.
with much care,
recover xo

Fleur
Member
Posts: 13116
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by Fleur » Tue Jan 01, 2019 6:15 am

Celebrating with you there that phone was found and returned, also really lovely to know someone kind was at the laundry just when you could use assistance

May you have many more positive moments to recall fondly


Wishing you and Tula a very happy New Year
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

wolfspirit
Member
Posts: 1684
Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by wolfspirit » Thu Jan 03, 2019 5:06 am

Thinking of you, there <3
Hoping you are having easier, more cooperative experiences the last few days.
I agree; telling someone what to do is rude and insensitive. Think they're "helping" but it's not.

sending gentle hugs and pats to Tula,

ws
Wounds are where the light enters you.
Rumi

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