There's Healing Journey 2018

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

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Jitterbug
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Posts: 1411
Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2013 2:51 pm

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by Jitterbug » Mon Apr 09, 2018 6:43 pm

Stopping by, with love, dear there.

Jitterbug

there
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Posts: 6874
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by there » Mon Apr 09, 2018 6:43 pm

haircut done
qigong, yoga ongoing
meeting ongoing goal to do 1 PT exercise most days.


Really need to heal from physical verbal, emotional abuse trauma. Have addressed the SA plenty.
I am getting to some of the deeper wounds of the PA, VA, EA. It's not like I really ever forgot about them. It's more like I had to obey them, or at the time thought I did. In doing so, and it wasn't my fault, I abandoned stronger parts of myself. Guess I thought I had to do the people-pleasing to survive.

And it was the shallow kind of survival. Not very nourishing. Sighs of grief are releasing.

Thank you for reading.
Reach for the stars. ---Christa McAuliffe

there
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Posts: 6874
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by there » Mon Apr 09, 2018 6:45 pm

Jitterbug,
Its good to see you here.
How are you doing?

love to all, there
Last edited by Ashia on Tue Apr 10, 2018 9:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT, as no triggering content included
Reach for the stars. ---Christa McAuliffe

wolfspirit
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Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by wolfspirit » Tue Apr 10, 2018 3:37 am

there,
I hadn't really thought about how different abusive experiences affect us in different ways. Thank you for showing me that.
Do you know how you will address all of those experiences of PA, VA, and EA?

Sighing with grief with you,

ws
Wounds are where the light enters you.
Rumi

there
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Posts: 6874
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by there » Thu Apr 12, 2018 10:12 am

ws,
Yes, the logical question. I've been addressing them and so far have done a lot. I hope to heal more by talking about them here. I'm weary from bearing them, having them hurt and feeling alone with them and victimized.

I survived them, so I win! Maybe by writing them out here, I'll get some distance on them and even some kind attention from other survivors.

Meanwhile, back in the present...

S just emailed with a sweet development. EA. She can't seem to respect my feelings and I wrote to her that I'm disappointed and asked her if she ever is done shortchanging me.
Reach for the stars. ---Christa McAuliffe

there
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Posts: 6874
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by there » Thu Apr 12, 2018 9:17 pm

Sorry, just feel like I can never get it together enough.

S scheduled herself a show for the last day of our 3-day vacation. She's done some putting down of her friend here, and I'm tired of feeling taken advantage.

I'm not going to cry.
Then she emailed me and said she thought I was leaving the 18th.
So What do I do?
"Sorry, if this was my fault...."

Why don't I freaking tell her how certain stuff she's done, said, not done and said, freaking hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She thinks people should just forgive, not be angry, etc. And she's blunt to t5he point ion cruelty to not just me.
And she visits me mostly to talk about herself and I get to be the audience, listening to her, being my sensitive self to her. When I want some concern, she will give it a sentence, maybe 2.

I want to say something more to her, I'm hurting.
Reach for the stars. ---Christa McAuliffe

Fleur
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Posts: 13380
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by Fleur » Fri Apr 13, 2018 10:15 am

Dear there


I'm very sorry about S being disrespectful. She sounds maybe a bit insecure or manipulative? Anger is a legitimate feeling, especially when we hurt from the actions/words of others

Perhaps you'll write her a note, or say it to her how hurt you feel? It can be difficult when someone is so uncaring about other people, want the focus to be on them. May you find the right way to communicate with S so she listens and realises that she is being overly self centred. Friendship needs to be a sharing situation to work well

As for leaving words here to reduce feelings, I think it a great idea

Leaving hugs for you and pats for Tula


Wishing you a pleasant weekend
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

there
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Posts: 6874
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by there » Fri Apr 13, 2018 6:10 pm

thanks so much for your friendship, fleur.
S showed up last evening to bring me to the food pantry with her. The cafe would only give her that night, the18th, to do her show. Then they're changing the venue. She thought I was leaving on the 18th. I was originally but I told her soon after that we would will be staying three nights. S has a brain injury. I know it somewhat affects her short term memory she said.

my phone situation was all messed up. Now I have a phone I can use and it's only half messed up because the new smart phone I bought for $50 is still misplaced in the apartment somewhere. I'm using an inexpensive talk & text phone. The other phone has to be here somewhere. I spent so much time running back-and-forth on buses, buying phones, getting phone Company to fix their end of it, using someone else's cell phone, etc. Good times.
I guess I'm grateful I can afford a phone.

Sigh. Make that a heavy sigh.

So S listened to some of my pain, and is going to Drive me to our vacation spot. It's in her neck of the woods so she has some ideas for activities for us.
And we've made up. It wasn't all her fault. I'm feeling abandoned in general with my dad gone, and this the three-year anniversary of his passing.

Now I can't drink coffee or soda water, eat onions or garlic. More dietary restrictions. Good times.

Bought a tall plastic shelving unit. Friend drove me so I could get it here. S is going to take the table for her boyfriend. After that happens, I can set up the shelves. Baby steps.

Ooh, and I've been mildly disrespected at work, and blatantly harassed by an ignorant woman who lives in building. Need a phone for supervisor and to report nasty neighbor. Good times.

Being sarcastic eases pain.
Reach for the stars. ---Christa McAuliffe

Fleur
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Posts: 13380
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by Fleur » Fri Apr 13, 2018 9:07 pm

Hello there


An acquired brain injury can affect person in many ways, sometimes for positive but often for adverse/negative. I'm glad you and S sorted out some things. I hope her show goes well - will you be involved in some way? (My typo of show was shoe, hope that brings a smile)

Get the vulnerable abandonment feeling and sarcasm around being disrespected/harassed. It is very difficult to just let negativity go for me, give it all to Higher Power. Yet when I do manage, there is a lightness from not carrying the hurt. I don't know why I hold bad times instead of concentrating and celebrating positive aspects

Have you tried dialling your missing phone, or is it switched off? May you soon find it. Agree that it is great that you could buy another phone, although it seems that you expended much time/energy to get second phone

May you and S work out holiday plans and enjoy time away from home

Wishing you a lovely weekend. Is there snow for Tula to play with?


Caring hugs
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

there
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Posts: 6874
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There's Healing Journey 2018

Post by there » Sat Apr 14, 2018 12:12 am

Fleur, thanks smooch.
Yeah, inability to dial missing phone was because phone company didn't clarify its security measure and didn't rescind it when I phoned them back to reply to their text.
See how much convoluted fun it's been in this little segment?
Since they didn't, security had kept new smart phone acct and # suspended. So , no, I called from Skype and a friend phoned it. Its service was still suspended when it should not have been after I phoned them.
Do I have an inexhaustible supply of patience for life screwing up? Just about. Now to transfer that patience all to my life working out, yes?

Seems I'm in the similar place with negativity. I'm getting better at buffering it when it happens, but not always. Sometimes, I imagine a protective sphere around myself, glowing with white and gold light. Ribbons of white and gold glow encircle me continually. Imaging this now, and sighing some relief. Slight :)

Lying down, trying to summon motivation to practice some piano. Really would be better to practice in the morning when the day hasn't
tired or ired me ;)

May finish watching PBS drama about the future king and GB.

Glad you are my friend, Fleur.
Reach for the stars. ---Christa McAuliffe

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