There's Healing Journey 2018

[DewDrop]

Hello there,

The energy in this new thread feels lovely to me. I am feeling thankful for being here with you.

I hope your rest is helpful.

[there]

Thank you both, Jitterbug, and Dewdrop.
Just ripped into my "nice brother" on the phone because I'm the black sheep and scapegoat and the one who was always hurt so they could have "normal" lives.

Hate society in general, for its always punishing me. Hate that as always, I will have to be my own parent, partner, friend, teacher, sibling, student, everything that "should" have been given to but was instead taken from me. Hate that I have been whoever I've been forced to be most of my life.

Have no *$#%$@$& words for it.

Not sorry I am mad at brother for not having to live as I have had to. Not sorry!

[there]

Will answer better later. I appreciate your words, just can't reply as I would like to now.

[there]

Dewdrop,
Thanks for posting! Glad you're here with me, too! My latest post was probably not full of lovely energy, but thanks for saying that.

Jitterbug, yeah, world weary, spot on. Would like to recover from Christmas, and family (period) triggers. Also from friend triggers and people being jerks triggers. Sigh.
Thanks for the mahoosive bottle of love, peace, inner strength, and calm. Hope it has refills!

[Couragetoday]

Hi there,

I hope today is an ok day for you.
Big emotions you were writing about recently....there are some themes I can relate to right now.

It looks milder here today, and much less snow in the lanweay. .

Wishing you well, whatever you are up to.

CT

[there]

CT,
Always glad to see your posts.
Yeah, my brother and I made up. Jitterbug's apothecary helped. Staying in being sick all week doesn't help my mood. People here in this building can be irritating or worse and they are. It's a little complicated with my brother.

Have been living w/out glasses for 9 days. Doesn't help now mood, either. Waiting for new pair in a mail.

Some things have backed up, but sometimes you get sick because you need a break. I need to seriously plan a getaway soon. Was thinking of asking this friend, but may need a vacation from her. I feel lucky I have her but I will have to do some standing up to her soon.

It's approaching 40 days of doing Kriya meditation. I've missed 2 times. I've added another meditation andthat is sung also. It is doing something to keep me calm and more positive at least yesterday and today.

Reading a series of fun historical novellas on Kindle app.

Mild weather was great for taking Tula out shopping a little this afternoon. Actually is nice to just ride with other people on the bus sometimes.





.

[Jitterbug]

(((((( there )))))

So glad the apothecary helped (endless refills available ) & that you made it up with your brother. Really sounded like that was hanging over you. So sorry to hear about you being so sick & without your glasses tho.That must be awful & so debilitating.

Well done for finding some fun reads for the kindle... & planning a getaway sounds like an excellent idea, though I hear and support your reservations re asking your friend. You'll think it thru thoroughly tho and ultimately make the right call. I trust in you and your decisions (if that's OK to say?)

Impressed you & Tula managed to get out & on the bus too, tho Grr those neighbours for being so irritating. Thank goodness you have kept up with the Kyria meditation. That's really impressive. Kudos for all this resourcefulness.

Still here with you with the crappy stuff too tho, sending love..

Jitterbug

[there]

Jitterbug, thanks so much for your thoughtful reply! And unlimited refills on peace, calm, etc prescription!

Cleaner came today. I got a load of laundry done, picked up thyroid meds, walked Tula a little.

Cancelled teaching as still don't have glasses and really still tired from cold.

Truly see and feel glimpses of myself without all the trauma symptoms in my way.

[Couragetoday]

Wow,
Big congrats for sticking with meditation.
So glad you can feel it’s benifits.

Have been keeping up most days with reading also and I find it helpful.

Really get how just being around people, (like on bus as you mentioned) can be helpful.

Hope the milder weather sticks around.
I’m listening to the freezing rain crackle on the windows here.

Leaving caring & safe hugs,

CT

[there]

Thanks, CT,.
Can almost hear the freezing rain on window you describe. Was warmer here, so just rain.

Glad that you have reading most days. You have helped me with your sharing to do some purely pleasure reading for myself.

Wish I could say more light-hearted things today, but not feeling it.

Was so angry at nice bro last night, about unfairness of being whole family's scapegoat, how every day poverty is traumatic, (it is), how he has a decent life cuz I am the scapegoat and and have lived all the pain that others got to deny, escape. And more.

Feel so unprotected, undersupported, ignored, neglected, devalued by all of family. Has been okay with them for me to be "disabled" and poor for my ENfreakingTIRE adult life. Struggled with even allowing myself many victories that I built toward. Told him this, and more, angrily.

It's true.

And feel hopeless this morning about being able to work out of the situation ever.

Have felt buried alive many times in my life. Now, too.

Wish I could be more upbeat, but not.
Being sick with a cold, weak, more isolated, getting to sleep too late.
My one "friend" provokes my anger cuz she really hasn't stopped some things that make my life more difficult.

Edited 1x for trigger warning. There.