Finding a job - Advice?

[glass girl]

I'm sure it can't be just me. And I know I need to find a job in order to get out of my situation, and if not before then then I'm going to need to find one after I get out. But the idea fills me with so much terror and I'm not even sure where it's coming from anymore.

My parents have been on me forever to find a job, despite the limitations I have physically and socially. They've spent my entire life complaining that I don't do enough, because they would always do everything for me. To this day they insist on helicoptering and holding my hand through things that someone in their late twenties no longer needs help with, and completely exude certainty that I can't do anything for myself (for example, if I pick up a knife, my dad is certain I'll find a way to cut myself, even if I'm spreading butter with it). On top of it, they've spent my life past sixteen pushing me to take on a job, emotionally abusing me for not having a job, and constantly pushing me at jobs that were beyond my abilities because they would've been ashamed if I took a minimum wage job. They're finally pushing me to get a minimum wage job then, but they don't seem happy with the idea and keep insisting that I'm smart and can do anything I want (despite not having a degree or much experience). And yet, at the same time, my mother makes fun of what abilities I do have and has never praised me (except in an openly fake way) and never feels proud of what I've done. They've both started using praise as a cookie to get me to do little things they want me to do, instead of applying it when I do things that are honestly impressive.

The whole situation now means that every single time I think about getting a job or try to job hunt, I'm touching on a huge tangle of feelings including intense shame and a certainty that I can't perform. I don't know how with these hangups I'm supposed to sell myself to a potential employer, and my terror at the thought of failure is so high. I want to work, and left my last job due to a sudden onset of physical symptoms that I could not endure. But I just don't know where to begin with this.

Has anyone else struggled with these kind of intense feelings? And how do you overcome shame on this level, where the subject alone is so emotionally charged and the fear is so sharp that it feels like you're already doomed to fail?

[PeacefulNinja]

Hi Glass Girl

Sorry you have had these experiences and the resulting consequences. Can you set goals, apply for 5 jobs a day til you get hired. It will get you out of the house And that much closer to being independent. Once you secure a job you can get out of the house more and meet others. I know you can do this! You are worthy!

PeacefulNinja

[Fleur]

Hello glass girl

My life saver was in volunteer work
Got some self confidence
And both led to paid job

Hopefully you can soon find a position in your community

Wishing you very well in all respects

[Jonesy]

Hi glass girl

Agreeing with Fleur about finding some volunteer work in the meantime. Organisations are always looking for an extra pair of 'free' hands. This also would give you a break from the home environment.

[freefromlies]

Are you certain you need to find a job to get out of your situation? My solution in the end was to be realistic with myself and admit that I was unable to work. I found a supportive doctor who listened to me and I get a medical certificate if I feel I am unable to work or look for work. Doing this takes the perceived pressure off to find a job which is a big deal in the context of my health. I hope to earn money picking fruit when the season begins and go from there.