Recurring Depression from Childhood Abuse

[BlueDragonfly]

I'm doing better today...Thank you for your support. I'm still struggling, but I have to get "up" for tomorrow because I'm going to (removed city name) to visit my daughter. She pays for the whole trip because it is my birthday and here in the USA it's going to be Mothers' Day. This is the week we celebrate both of these and I don't want to be a downer. I hope I'm suddenly better...those of you who pray, please pray for me.

[Xanthia]

Hi BlueDragonfly,

Wondering how your visit to your daughter was for you?

No need to respond. Please know there's caring, kindness, on site.

May you be enjoying a brighter day.

Warm regards,

[BlueDragonfly]

Hi Xanthia,
I'm doing a little better, but I'm still struggling. Thank you for thinking of me, it means a lot. Had a good time with my daughter. Very relaxing which was perfect for how I was feeling. She is such a precious friend of mine.

Thank you for your response,
BlueDragonfly

[Xanthia]

Hi BlueDragonfly,

Sounds a lovely, special time away with your daughter. So happy for you that you made beautiful memories.
Sorry that you still struggle.

Noticed that today is your birthday. Hopefully, you'll celebrate commencement of your new personal year and enjoy a wonderful 12 months.

May you be stronger day by day as you take each breath, one moment at a time.

Warm regards,

[Fleur]

Hello BlueDragonfly

Somehow I missed responding to your post from last week, where you shared you felt better
Hopefully, you still feel brighter and plan something special today to mark your birthday

I continue to uphold you in my prayers

Much caring

[pinecone]

Hi Bluedragonfly,
Your post resonated with me. My older sister was the favorite, and I was hated and abused. The amount of anger I carry around inside me is like a nuclear bomb.

I am sorry that you experienced similar abuse. I am praying for you.

-pinecone

[holly]

hi blue dragonfly
i hope you are doing good enough since last message. your visit to your daughter sounds wonderful. one of no doubt many ways you made the world a better place---being a real mother to your daughter. not so easy for people who didn't have a mother capable of loving. sounds like your mom is very mentally ill, with a terrible cost to you. depression is so hard. like xanthia said, it passes but you are feeling like it never will, i relate to that.
i was thinking about what you said about having a harder time with childhood abuse than other traumas that happen when we're older. i've thought about that. For me, i think it's because of, one, it was normal life as a kid, normal life was ruled by a violent crazy person who had all the power, and two, related to that, being a kid, there was no way to escape and that was a huge part of the trauma. i think that is the part that affects my life the most deeply today, fear of getting trapped in social situations, and avoiding a lot. When i got traumatized as an adult, i didn't feel trapped and endlessly powerless, not in the same way, even though i still carry that exaggerated fear of being trapped inside me.
your mom sounds terrifying, on top of her lovelessness. such a hard thing to heal from, and still trying to deal with the immensity of her worsening mental health needs---no wonder you have times of bad depression.
when you spoke out against her and stood up for your dad, even though you were a kid and she was crazy and violent, that sounds like a quality worth having, part of who you are, standing up for the innocent. Even now, you think of your mother's illness and how it needs to be tended to.
thinking of you and wishing you enjoyment of whatever peace and love come your way.

[Xanthia]

Hi BlueDragonfly,

Trust life holds more ups than downs for you.

Wishing you a very happy birthday and a peaceful personal new year.

Sending positive vibes for your healing journey.

Warm regards,