Letting go

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Chessgirl
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Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Letting go

Post by Chessgirl »

I just realized you really already answered the question about drinks when you said not to drink your calories!
Chessgirl
honeybera
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Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

Chessgirl wrote: Thu Apr 08, 2021 1:13 pm What drinks do you drink? Water or any juices or milk?
Hi Chessgirl! :mrgreen: Just water and HWC. If I need "milk", I just combine the two...or maybe use Almond milk (UNSWEETENED) or coconut milk. If it's not creamy enough on its own, add HWC. Try to shop around and get HWC without ANY sugar. All of this is odd at first, but becomes second nature when you figure your local Trader Joe's has your HWC, so that's where you go.
Chessgirl wrote: Thu Apr 08, 2021 1:13 pm Our 2 year old is hooked on carbs and sugar too! She’s so picky and doesn’t always eat what we put in front of her so when she does actually eat anything I go back to it for her. I’ve gotta make the launch eventually though. I know it is perfect for my family.
Agreed that it's perfect. But I like my sweets, too. I'm with your 2 yr. old and fiance. But does she like bacon or sausage or ham with eggs (any style) or a (gluten free/almond flour based) muffin for breakfast? Serve her a glass of "milk" by combining almond milk with a splash of HWC, call it milk, and I'll bet she'd be just fine, or as a treat, add some flavorings to it, like choc. or maple. You could make her some toast or a bagel if you buy some Great Low Carb Bread Company, nicely buttered or with cream cheese or whipped cream cheese (an absolute necessity to have on hand while on keto), and there is such a thing as low carb jams and jellies, my fav is Nature's Hollow, all found on Netrition dot com.

There are also "muffins in a mug" or MIMs (RECIPES ONLINE: Google keto muffins in a mug) that you combine in a cup and then microwave and can even frost with easy sugar free frosting OR make easy and quick pancakes or waffles. SO MANY OPTIONS! Check out products by ChocZero (where I got that Maple-Pecan thick and rich pancake syrup with ONE carb per 1T. AND they make a TON of sugar free chocolate chips for keto chocolate chip cookies with an almond flour base and NO SUGAR! Ready to go for your daughter in the freezer) AND also all the syrups from Torani and DaVinci. And all the while she's eating NO SUGAR and loving it. And that was just breakfast!!

Speaking of Netrition, if you go to their site and hit "CATEGORIES", you will see both "Low Carb/keto friendly" and "Sugar Free products". Start there. Remember, not all "keto" products are good just because they say "keto", but some are a godsend! Also Google ideas can be liberating, like MIMs or Chaffles (cheese-based waffles that are fabulous!) or whatever sounds tasty that comes to mind. Save the really good recipes that your family enjoys to your hard drive. But do start. I'm here for you. Watch your videos. Check out ol' Butter Bob. He taught me how to make my own mayo and he makes a great chili, and shows how to fast properly and what it all means. YouTube has Dr. Jason Fung to explain (for FREE!) the fasting part of all this, how keto fits into that, and will lead you to other university and medical experts from around the world that really know their stuff.

So...how do you make a fantastic Bulletproof coffee like mine? So as to not irritate our dear ♥♥Jonesy♥♥ in any way, I'll put it into the recipe forum on here. I love our Jonesy and isurvive.org with all my heart. I am healing more and more, day by day, because isurvive.org is here and is a safe place to share due to strict rules. I only serve you as a faithful guide if you want what is working for me. That said...

For the BASIC brew, you'll need some Torani or DaVinci syrup SUGAR FREE (flavor(s) of choice: see below*) from the store or from Netrition, Saigon cinnamon is nice to add, HWC (to taste), gob of butter, coffee (fresh or instant - we use instant for convenience), water - but the secret ingredient is (also from Netrition) 1-2 droppersful of LorAnn Oils Gourmet Flavorings with a dropper attached (sold separately: Gourmet Flavorings 1 oz Eye Dropper by LorAnn Oils), adding my favorite flavor: Cream Cheese Icing, Super Strength, and then add flavors below* to your liking and NUKE IT until it's hot. This combo is absolute HEAVEN in a cup! And filling, too. You'll get the idea. It's just a high fat appetite killer in a rich cuppa coffee with healthy additions and NO SUGAR. What's not to like? It may sound like a lot of time is involved, but it only takes about 3 minutes to get all ingredients into the cup and 2 min (and 20 seconds in my microwave) to nuke it to perfection.

*For hot chocolate or Mocha: Add a good shot of Chocolate SF syrup + 1 scant teaspoon Hershey's UNSWEETENED cocoa powder + (maybe a tiny splash of caramel (salted or not) and/or hazelnut or Almond Roca or cherry for Chocolate-Cherry or Peppermint Paddy for choc.-mint or whatever) - add collagen (optional) and froth for 20 seconds or so - Play with it and have fun experimenting
For Pumpkin Spice: Add a good shot of Pumpkin Pie SF syrup + a couple of taps of Pumpkin Pie Spice + (maybe maple flavoring/syrup or Toasted Marshmallow SF syrup or Caramel or whatever sounds good that day) + collagen (optional) and froth for 20 seconds or so

Suggestion: see if you can find the following nearby - mozzarella cheese, shredded, some cream cheese, BUY SOME ALMOND FLOUR (at Costco maybe? They have it in store or online FOR SURE and it's the best, or maybe Whole Foods? ), pizza sauce, Hormel or other pepperoni with zero carbs (or as close as you can get) and Google the following: Fat Head Pizza dough or Fat Head Pizza. MAKE IT FOR YOUR FAMILY and see if they even notice the "change". And at that point, you've gotten your almond flour (don't get the almond meal - won't work for some recipes).

Google all underlined:
keto casseroles OR
keto muffins in minutes AND SCROLL DOWN THE PAGE - DON'T buy the mixes!! You save lots of money by quickly making your own plus you know what's in them. Do you like blueberries? Get some frozen ones and drop them into a muffin mix.
Zoodles - trust me, they're delicious sauteed in butter with garlic and/or topped with a rich keto bolognese style pasta sauce!


And if that's not enough, Google FAT BOMBS and keep hitting the "show more" button. It'll blow your mind! :lol:
Freeze your fat bombs for at least 30 minutes and then throw them in a freezer-safe plastic bag or stasher bag. Store them in the freezer to prevent them from melting! Feel free to add in unsweetened coconut or chopped nuts to these fat bombs if you would like a little extra crunch!
Honeybera (who's been at this for YEARS) :mrgreen:

PS - I forgot to tell you about "carbs" vs. "net carbs"! Carbs are just the grams of carbohydrate in something, whereas "NET carbs" = carbs - fiber. So if you make something, you'll want to take the per serving carb count (say it's 5gm) and subtract the amount of fiber in it (say 3gm) which would mean your dish (or cookie or whatever) would equal 2gm of NET CARBS per serving.

Also I read up on "clean keto" vs "dirty keto" - I learn something everyday! :mrgreen: And this is totally individualistic, dirty or clean, because both work.

I hope this helps. Do study up on this if you're interested. It's a huge change, but the increase in mental clarity and physical health benefits is well worth all the effort, at least it is for me.
Chessgirl
Member
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Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Letting go

Post by Chessgirl »

Honeybera,

Wow thanks for those ideas and recipes! I’m glad you answered my question about milk. I love my milk. I haven’t started the keto diet yet because like my doctor said, I need to take very small steps. I decided to first just try to start cooking every meal at home from scratch rather than eating out. I’ve been successful at this for about a week now. As soon as I feel I really have the hang of that then I’ll start bringing in keto recipes. There’s so much I’m trying to change about my lifestyle so baby steps are the way for me. Been thinking of you! I love reading your long, happy posts. :)
Chessgirl
honeybera
Member
Posts: 1108
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

Hey dancingfish - Sorry to not answer you until now. I am so into keto and intermittent fasting and so lonely doing it all alone. But, as Jonesy says, YOU are important! And you deserve an answer. too, ♥old friend♥. (Poor Chessgirl may be sorry she even showed a slight interest in it. :lol: )
dancingfish wrote: Wed Apr 07, 2021 4:29 pm Hey honeybera! Aw thank you so much for your sweet reply recently, I loved reading it. So glad you're finding more of a sense of freedom in your days - you're quite right I think! We do hold the bonds that bind us in our minds and bodies, but with time and effort they can change. It's really no fault of ours at all though that they're there, it's just how we responded to ridiculous circumstances that were the fault of others. I'm so glad you're finding ever more room for joy in your life, though.
MUCH more joy! And FREEDOM to just be ME! WITHOUT SHAME OR GUILT!!! At first, it was MD heaping on the shame and me feeling the guilt, but now it's morphed into ME being the punisher/Inner Critic, AND THAT I CAN FIX!!! :P So there!!

I'm making amazing leaps into the positive out in the garden! It's beginning to look like you guys picture it! I still have a lot of work to do, naturally, but it looks AMAZING out there! I welcome the additional work, frankly. It's helping me health-wise. And I get so much internal satisfaction from my labors. I still have much to do, but I'll share it on here with all of you as it happens. Right now I can see my pear trees that have been stuck into a plastic wine ½ barrel as bare roots several years ago and have miraculously SURVIVED terrible neglect and maltreatment at my hands, but they HAVE survived!! I can see them and their leaves and fading blossoms and their tiny pears for this year swaying in the gentle breeze today in full sunlight.

But even better: right next to them is my NEW RUBINETTE REACHABLES apple tree ("reachables" because it's a dwarf only reaching 5-8 feet high and I am kind of short), but my main bragging rights is that another apple tree was (emphasis on the "WAS") in another ½ barrel and deader than a door nail! I have purchased many trees of all sorts, but only the strongest survive my "normal" resistance to the proper treatment of the arrival of bare root ANYTHING. I am known to procrastinate sometimes. :oops: :roll: :lol:

BUT I got my new Rubinette on Sunday, the hectic day after picking up the pups on Saturday (more on that later), and sat unopened in its shipping box in my front room until Monday. When I opened it up, I could see that there was NOTHING protecting the roots!! :o No damp sawdust, no soil, no NOTHING!! Normally, I would have just left it languishing in the hot garage and "dithered"..."Oh my, oh what should I do?" (Hear Olive Oyl's voice here.) BUT INSTEAD I simply came in the house, got DS (my Popeye), and had him pull up the old apple tree (dead from lack of watering - so sad!). Then we planted the NEW Rubinette (right across the raised beds from the mighty FUJI apple so they can pollinate each other), gave it a top dressing of rich manure compost, and there it stands!!! Right now!! (And Olive Oyl takes a bow!) :lol: Within ONE DARNED DAY!!! With help, to be sure, BUT IT'S DONE!

I also finished up the strawberries which have TONS of tiny white blossoms on them and not just "a few" green strawberries already, but not ONE WEED in all 4 planters, not even a little one! And next month I'll have a bunch of apricots (Cot-N-Candy Apriums [apricot-plum hybrid actually], but they look and taste like apricots - SO SWEET!). I'd like to have my freeze dryer up and running by then. It just needs to be hooked up. I ♥♥love, love, LOVE♥♥ my little farm/bird sanctuary!! This is ME!!

=======================(Tuesday)

Nearly time for bed. I bolted out of bed at 6am this morning because I forgot and left the water running all night, so I shut it off and went back to bed, but all my fruit trees got a good drink of water, that's for sure! I let the pups out into the garden area (with supervision!) yesterday. They are SO GORGEOUS! Their coats are jet black and soft and shiny and both have stark white "boots" and some brown on their back legs (hence: Tuxedos). They are such a matched set! Only difference (for now) is that Mittens has her ears erect already while Ol' Boots has a tiny splash of white "collar" across her neck about halfway. THEY ARE LIVELY!!!! AND THEY ARE FAST, FAST, FAST!!!! They each love me, but they are WILD about DS, especially Boots! Mittens is more ladylike and demur, but can mightily hold her own in a puppy fight. She likes my lap a LOT, but then wants down to play! Boots is more...WILD. She wants to "play" with old Spot, who by this time simply walks closer to me and gives a low, guttural snarl. If that doesn't slow down Boots, Spot shows her teeth. That has sufficed...so far.

===========================(Wed.)

Whew! I just got in from cleaning up, pruning, and watering the garden area with the pups! The adjacent dog's yard gate was opened, too. They can RUN the entire 100' length of the garden AND Dog's yard in just a couple of seconds when chasing each other, and then RUN right back! They "fight" over EVERYTHING, from a fresh ripe, but half-eaten-by-something strawberry I picked as I watered the yard and threw their way to an old lemon tree leaf to ANY stick or crinkly piece of plastic they found. My god, they are ADORABLE!! :mrgreen: But WILD, too!!! They found something under my planters up near the house; I know there are rats around there since it's right there by the bird seed feeder. These girls got EXCITED!! And best of all, they acted like a pack of 2. In went one, then the other, then both! Those rats don't stand a chance! :mrgreen:

I was outside in the garden for about 2 hours tonight, clear until dusk. My girls are keeping me busy out there. Boots has already figured out how to jump UP into my 2 ft. high raised beds and tease her sister by looking down at her and giving her a playful YIP. She can also climb up into the 30 gallon fabric pots, but Mittens has that figured out now, too. They are really good in getting me going out in the yard. I need to weed eat alone, but all the other things can be done with them racing around. Underfoot in the house is not good, either, since they LOVE to be underfoot, each vying for attention and being painfully cute. But I can keep them in their space until I can take one or the other for some individual cuddle time (good for them AND good for me!).

I'm no longer anxious about Spot being too aggressive (or too shy, for that matter) with the new pups. They're not sharing "unsupervised" spaces just yet, but Spot is doing great EXCEPT when Boots decides that she wants to PLAY. She'll start by doing the play stance and puppy growling at Spot, then barking at poor old tolerant Spot...but then Boots gets a little too big for her britches, coming closer and closer still, and Spot will first do a warning growl, then show her teeth, and finally lunge and snap at Boots. She doesn't bite her, just a snap. I didn't know she could still move like that! :lol: By now if Boots is out of line, just a growl from Spot is enough. I believe that they'll be ok. Never close, but ok. And I'm happy with that.

I'd better finish cooking my dinner now and get some rest. I literally cannot wait to get back out there with those pups in the morning. They are doing just fine out in the garden with me. Like I said, NO weedeating around them. They're just WAY too fast! But trimming and picking things up and watering and planting? No problems! I believe that this year I'll keep much of my veggies on the garden side b/c if the pups are in the garden area, I will be, too. They are natural diggers. They don't bother the chicken wire cloches, not yet anyway. If they dig in my SmartPots :x , I can just cut other chicken wire into rounds to fit in each pot and cover them with straw (for weed control and moisture conservation), but if they attempt to dig in them, they won't like the chicken wire feeling on their claws and paws. Works for cats, too, if they try to make a cat toilet out of your begonias or what have you. :| :P :lol:
Chessgirl wrote: Tue Apr 13, 2021 2:40 pm Wow thanks for those ideas and recipes! I’m glad you answered my question about milk. I love my milk. I haven’t started the keto diet yet because like my doctor said, I need to take very small steps. I decided to first just try to start cooking every meal at home from scratch rather than eating out. I’ve been successful at this for about a week now. As soon as I feel I really have the hang of that then I’ll start bringing in keto recipes. There’s so much I’m trying to change about my lifestyle so baby steps are the way for me. Been thinking of you! I love reading your long, happy posts.
Sounds like you're doing fine. Do beware of doctors...or just be aware. They aren't given much training in Nutrition. Maybe a few hours. And Dieticians and/or Nutritionists are slightly better than Witch Doctors. Study Dr. Kellogg and how the cereal industry got started in the first place. Very eye opening. I got an A+ in Nutrition (one semester for my Nurse's training). I can remember our instructor asking, "What is the best source of _____?" and we'd all laugh and shout out, "BROCCOLI!!" We were correct most of the time!

Now that you've seen your doctor, try dietdoctor dot com. Tons of recipes, tons of tips, and a full explanation of keto and intermittent fasting. Some things are an absolute necessity. I'm going to give you the BEST mayonnaise recipe EVER and it tastes GREAT, too. It is exclusively mine. It is different from everyone else's. Follow these instructions and you'll never go wrong or make a bad batch: (Jonesy, please bear with me this once.)
EQUIPMENT:
* Wide Mouth 1 qt. glass jar with lid (Ball, Kerr, Mason, etc.) if you already have an immersion (stick) blender
OR
* Stick Blender (AMAZON) TYPE IN: KitchenAid-KHBV53PA-Variable-Blender (COMES WITH THE JAR WITH LID)

IN THIS ORDER INTO A CLEAN 1 QT. WIDE MOUTH JAR (WITH LID):
2 whole eggs
2t. Dijon mustard
1t. salt
2T. ACV (apple cider vinegar [Bragg's with the "mother"] also sold on Amazon or at most grocery stores
2T. water

Gently add, but all at once:

2 cups olive oil LIGHT (less heavy olive oil taste) (Can use avocado oil, but it's so expensive)

Place stick blender head at the bottom of the jar (in one place - DO NOT LIFT OR TIP once at the bottom). Turn on blender and hold steady. Watch the mixture turn from a golden yellow color to white curds. DO NOT LIFT. When there is ½" or so of oil on top and white curds are coming to near the top of mixture, gently LEAN the blender SLOWLY every 10 seconds or so from one side to the other, incorporating the remaining oil into the mayonnaise for a minute or two. Then SLOWLY lift up the stick blender while holding the jar steady, DO NOT TAKE OUT OF JAR. (Expect a loud noise as the blender sucks in air.) Lift the blender up and down until proper consistency is reached. Refrigerate immediately.

Rinse off stick blender under hot running water.
Now you've got mayo! Delicious mayo! Quick mayo! The whole shebang takes about 3-5 minutes! Only 6 common ingredients! NO SUGAR! NO SOYBEAN OIL! (ALL salad dressing and mayonnaise sold commercially use soybean oil - and soybeans are usually mostly GMO to withstand being sprayed with RoundUp weed killer, aka glyphosate while the weeds all die - not what you'd want ingested by your little girl or hubby or you! Look at any salad dressing/mayo you have in your fridge to see if I'm right.)

Mayo + (low carb) ketchup (Netrition) + ¼t. erythritol or Swerve (also Netrition) = french dressing
French dressing + Sugar Free Pickle Relish (Netrition) = 1000 Island
Mayo + ketchup + mustard = "Secret Sauce" + add a pickle or two and some melting cheese and BACON and tomato slices on burgers
Mayo + spices/herbs and/or Hidden Valley Ranch powder (zero carbs - AMAZON) = salad dressing
Mayo + hard boiled eggs or cold rotisserie chicken (and onion/celery/raisins/curry powder) = egg or chicken salad
Mayo + tuna (celery/onions/whatever) = tuna salad
Mayo + lettuce + avocado + tomato + bacon = one heck of a salad or sandwich
And on and on and on....

Make some nice healthy mayo, my dear. And also grab some eggs, bacon, avocados, and cheese, including cream cheese and mozzarella. Oh, and some low carb pepperoni and pizza sauce. (BTW, all pepperoni is low carb!) You need to try Fat Head Pizza! And Crack Slaw. (Like Crack Cocaine b/c it's so addictive! :lol: ) Heroin Wings, too. And bacon and eggs is ALWAYS on the menu! It's almost ZERO net carbs! Filling, yet satisfying!!

If you decide to really get into this, I'll move all this over onto the recipe part of this site. Between you and the pups, you're all getting me going! I just found as I was writing this a Chicken/Cabbage Stir Fry that caught my eye. Guess what's for dinner TOMORROW! YUM!

Honeybera
dancingfish
Member
Posts: 1137
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:39 pm

Re: Letting go

Post by dancingfish »

honeybera wrote: Thu Apr 15, 2021 5:49 am Hey dancingfish - Sorry to not answer you until now. I am so into keto and intermittent fasting and so lonely doing it all alone. But, as Jonesy says, YOU are important! And you deserve an answer. too, ♥old friend♥. (Poor Chessgirl may be sorry she even showed a slight interest in it. :lol: )
Ah dear honeybera, lovely to hear from you as always! And haha that's quite alright, I know your passion for your WOE (see, I've learnt things from you!). :) Thank you for kindly replying, though! I'm so pleased you're seeing progress in your garden, and finding those delightful lively pups are providing motivation too. It sounds like such a lovely home you have surrounded yourself with, truly. Thank you for sharing it with us - you're quite right, I have a picture of it in my head!

Aw wow, congratulations on getting that apple tree straight out there! Lucky to spot it didn't have all the usual root protection too - but look at you, you noticed it, figured out what needed doing, got the help you wanted, and there - all sorted. You did that, honeybera! And I'm sure this one thing was not just the result of your efforts of that day, but the weeks and months you've been pouring into the care of your dear self. Really well done. :)

Ah and I've made your mayo recipe before, it's super. :D I'm going to copy that down though, as I'm not sure where I left the recipe from last time! I tend to make it in summer for when I eat more salads and things, too. (Fortunately our pre-made mayo doesn't tend to have the sugars and additives it seems yours does, so that's not such a bad substitute otherwise.)

Well I hope this finds you waking up to another wonderful day! Full of your garden, pups, DS, and all you enjoy there. That chicken/cabbage stir fry sounds good too! Wishing you all the dear care and support honeybera, my very best wishes to you dear friend. :)
Chessgirl
Member
Posts: 1041
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Letting go

Post by Chessgirl »

Honeybera,

I’m thrilled actually to have someone on here who is so into keto. I really want to head in that direction but I do best with baby steps. Thanks for the mayo recipe. I have actually been wanting one for that. I’d love for you to put your recipes in the recipe section. That way they are all together. You would make an amazing blog. Your passion really rubs off on others and is inspiring! Oh and I totally agree about doctors! I think doctors are great but I noticed as a nanny (I worked for a few doctors over the years) that some of them have disappointing diets themselves. Diet Coke and processed food! I have made a mental note in the past that they aren’t the best dietitians haha You would think that they would be but that’s not the case always. Anyway, where I live it’s getting in beach weather. This has been my second day at the beach with my 2 year old this week. We just got in and I’m about to get lunch ready! Talk to you soon!
Chessgirl
honeybera
Member
Posts: 1108
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

It's already 2am and I have a TON of stuff to do in the morning. :? But a quickie garden update is necessary. I got out there today and finally was able to IDENTIFY what it is I'm growing out there with the HUGE green leaves. In fact, it appears to be ALL huge green leaves, but I peered down into the center of the plant, pushing back the covering mammoth leaves, and way down in the middle of this leafy tangle was a tiny little 1" broccoli head!!! So it's broccoli that I am successfully growing for the first time ever!!! Wow. Imagine that! I can tell you this: next August or Sept., I'm planting a BIG Fall garden! Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, collards (LOTS of collards!), even onions! Imagine just walking out to the garden and picking these things that I go to the store for!

But the broccoli isn't all! My new Rubinette apple tree, yes, the bare root one that we just planted, has these TINY, ITSY-BITSY, LITTLE bits of green protruding from the buds on it. It is NOT dead, that's for sure! The resilience of life never fails to amaze me! They shipped this tiny stick of a tree with dry roots on it all the way from N. Carolina across the country to me, and they did it without any packaging, but rather just stuck it in a shipping box and covered it with that brown wrapping paper crumpled up (so it wouldn't move around too much???), but it had NOTHING around the tender roots! I was wondering if it was already a goner when I got it, but no. It actually seems fine and is beginning to come to life!

Dear Spot is doing ok, but we do have a bit of a worry with her. She will not go after the pups...unless provoked. And who provokes her? BOOTS! In complete play stance, butt up in the air, tail wagging BOOTS!! Then a yip and a quick sniff of ancient Spot's rear end (NOT appreciated by the impatient Spot!) and more invites to play. And I can tell that Spot's usual patience is wearing thin, so much so that a couple of times Spot has lunged at Boots in a FLASH, teeth bared, Boot's on her back, and those teeth at Boot's throat. So either they are in each other's presence under strict supervision or we keep them apart for now.

PLUS Boots has figured out how to S-Q-U-E-E-Z-E between the fence slats to get into my garden area at her pleasure! :| :roll: Oh my. Mittens is just a tad larger than Boots, so she can't do the Houdini routine. My solution? (At least until Boots adds a tiny bit more girth.) I'm keeping the Garden-Dog's Yard gate open and crossing my fingers, giving the pups access to the entire backyard during the day, and then when we keep them locked in the inside pen at night, Spot can have the entire yard at night. I will still keep the garage off limits. And I may add a collar to them so if they do get out of the yard, at least they'll have that much ID on them. Maybe a tag with their name and address on it. Maybe just a collar would be enough to stop Boots from squeezing through there. What a brat she is! :lol: But "fleeing" comes with the breed. It's not a dislike of us that makes them want to flee, but a deep-seated wanderlust that I truly understand myself. I just want to protect them from themselves until they get a bit older and wiser.

Everything is a toy and everything is to play with. Today I picked up an old withered soggy weed with my picker upper out there to toss out in the garbage and was instantly assaulted by both pups who had suddenly realized that I had in my hands the world's most fascinating FLYING DOG TOY!! :mrgreen: So once I got the drift of what was in my possession, it flew just slightly above their heads as they danced on their hind legs trying to reach this intriguing thing!!! In the circus, the dogs that ride on the back of a horse while doing a dance are always Rat Terriers. Mittens can already "dance". And they're finding their "voices", too. Ms. T was my talker. These are some weird dogs, but I LOVE the breed!!

I'd better get to bed! I "plowed" the Raised Bed #1 and removed the supports today. It's nearly ready for planting some bean plants tomorrow. I watered the 20-25 gallon pots so I can pull up the weeds. Lots of "replenishing the soil" tomorrow, too, both in the RB#1 and the pots. The remaining SunGold tomato is going in, too, with a cloche to avoid curious puppies!! Oh, and look up the Iochroma 'Princess' (Copy and Google to see what they look like). I have two of them from Annie's Annuals and Perennials (dot com) and now they have these adorable little "belles" on them. Wait until the hummers see them!!

OH! The hummers! They're back...and they come up so close to me out there in the garden! I don't know if they're familiar with me or are trying to frighten me off. In either case, they come SO CLOSE to me, stopping in mid-air within 6"-12" from either my face or my muumuu'd midriff like they're intensely studying me. I can actually hear their wings beating or sometimes they give a tiny 'chirp'. Today one flew just by my left ear so close that I suddenly heard a loud "BUZZZZ" and then he was gone! Did he dive bomb me? My garden chair sits right between the hummingbird feeders over 1½ ft. to my left and my huge Hot Lips salvia bush to 1½ ft. to my right with TONS of red and white blossoms on there that they visit even with me sitting out there. And in my bright flowery muumuus, I'm sort of hard to miss! :mrgreen:

OK, it's 3:30am now. I am OFF TO BED. Time to let Spot out (and back in) and call it a night. It wasn't as "quickie" as I intended, but I'm glad that I wrote it all out. :mrgreen:

Honeybera
Crow
Member
Posts: 1365
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 12:22 pm

Re: Letting go

Post by Crow »

Hi Honeybera,
honeybera wrote: Sat Apr 17, 2021 11:08 am OH! The hummers! They're back...and they come up so close to me out there in the garden! I don't know if they're familiar with me or are trying to frighten me off. In either case, they come SO CLOSE to me, stopping in mid-air within 6"-12" from either my face or my muumuu'd midriff like they're intensely studying me. I can actually hear their wings beating or sometimes they give a tiny 'chirp'.
Time to stand arm outstretched with a shallow pot of sweet stuff for them ;)

Crow
From pain comes a courage
The strength from injustice

Quote taken from The Rage To Overcome by Machine Head
honeybera
Member
Posts: 1108
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

Hey Crow! :mrgreen:
From pain comes a courage
The strength from injustice
Quote taken from The Rage To Overcome by Machine Head
I love it! And so appropriate today. Today is MD's birthday. She would have been 92. This is her first birthday since she passed last Sept. 23rd, and boy oh boy, do I have mixed feelings. Some are mixed up with guilt and shame, which is why I am so darned careful not to feel too jubilantly happy at my liberation and cheer her passing with utter glee and dancing a little dance of giddiness. I wholeheartedly wish her well, wherever she is. I will be making that journey myself soon enough and don't want any bad mojo confronting me when I eventually do. Plus she knew my history as she was certainly a part of it. Now I am stuck with my Dear Brother, a personality clone of my Dear Father, weak and ruled by another harpy. He missed the first 10 yrs. of my life (we're 10 yrs. apart) and texted me to ask, "Who's this in this picture?" I knew them all and could describe many back stories of the huge group of people posed in my grandparent's front room. Even my Grandpa's old dog Ginger was in the picture.

But Happy Birthday to you, MD!! Now your cremains and Dad's cremains rest beside each other for all time. Your ultimate wish in the years since he's been gone. :roll: DB got the entire estate of nearly $1,000,000, you also managed to "sell" him the family farm (and he bought the neighbor's farm next door to it with part of the estate money), and I got squat. But HB anyway. I hope that you have what you always wanted. I'm both glad you're gone and I'm sad you're gone. I know you can never return, and that thought brings me incredible peace. How sad is that?! :roll:

However, Crow's sign off reminds me that you didn't win anything and that I am truly more free than you could have ever been - despite your treatment of me. It may have bent me, but it NEVER broke me. Even the fat on my body is melting away slowly, and I couldn't be happier. Each day I see improvement. So you didn't win. I did. Death will eventually take me, too, but I'll NOT welcome it! I'll fight this every way I can. I want happiness. I want joy in my life. I understand that a little bit of stress is good, too, but that I can handle it. Crow, those hummingbirds coming so close to me only serve to make me smile. So do the pups at play. Seeing life spring forth in my garden often without my assistance at all brings me pleasure. Peace and love is my ultimate goal and I'm doing everything I can to bring it to me.

And look at where I am writing this: isurvive.org! :lol: I guess I can take comfort in the fact that MD is right where she wants to be...and so am I. She did her worst and I survived. And I even came out stronger for it. And now she is dead. Her story is over. PERIOD. She was in pain all her life, no matter how well she had it. No one could hand that peace and self respect; it had to come from her. She acted like the shame belonged to me, but she FELT like the shame was drowning her instead! As a child, I took it upon myself (as she heaped it on me, topping it off with severe beatings), but it was always her guilt, her shame, her own self loathing. I can see it now, but I couldn't then.

Crow, I listened to that song by Machine Head. I can hear the whirlwind of emotions in there...very heavy duty stuff that! I read all the lyrics, too. (That's just how I do things.) :mrgreen: But in the chorus they say:
Song: Rage to Overcome
Artist: Machine Head
Album: Burn My Eyes
Producer: Collin Richardson
Year: 1994

A hatred burns inside me
Emotion out of hand
But I've the will to focus this
Survive, contrive, command
From pain comes a courage
The strength from injustice
The rage to overcome it all
An open mind
With a closed fist
.
And boy, is that true!! Dealing with the rage that abuse brings sometimes is like trying to hold a strong and squirmy puppy when she doesn't want to be held anymore. (Yes, I've had that happen recently! :lol: ) Maybe I'll have to fight for my own peace for forever, although it is getting easier and easier as the rage quiets and my longing for my own happiness trumps the hurt and anger. I mean, what good is remembering hurt and anger going to do me? Don't I deserve peace? I am coming to the conclusion that I deserve to be happy and self accepting. Hummers and puppies and green sprouts on a Rubinette apple tree all help me achieve that goal: an open mind with a closed fist. I need that closed fist IN ADDITION TO an open mind. And peace. And acceptance. Hmm. I think I've answered my own question way up there when I started. Thank you so much for the song, Crow. ♥♥♥ I'll keep my fists UP, but look for the love wherever it can be found. It's how I roll. :mrgreen:

Oy'! 2am...AGAIN! Nighty night...and happy birthday, MD.

Honeybera
Last edited by Serenity on Sun Apr 18, 2021 11:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Added in copyright references as per guidelines
Crow
Member
Posts: 1365
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 12:22 pm

Re: Letting go

Post by Crow »

Hey honeybera,

Conflicting feelings today eh?! Must be a difficult place emotionally. I've not had to face that yet, but it's something I think about now and again... how will I feel when my mum passes?... Yeah, I'll leave that one there.

Glad you like the lyrics. That's why I took a few lines for my signature. The lyrics you've quoted are so good... so relatable... so... just right! They show pain and emotion, and speak of a positive coming from that place of hurt. It is a really heavy song musically and lyrically. (A bit much for most people, granted!)

And regarding the birds and your little dogs... nature just has a way of bringing a calm and happiness in the midst of our pain and depression... truly amazing. :)

Look after yourself honeybera.

Crow
From pain comes a courage
The strength from injustice

Quote taken from The Rage To Overcome by Machine Head
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