Bed wetting

[Crow]

Hi Jonesy,

Yeah, I'm up and down today... nothing new there!

Crow

[OneThousandApologies]

Jonsey,
Thanks for the reminder!

[honeybera]

Bed wetting huh? OMG, I'll try to keep this short:

Dear 17 yr. old MD ignored her sister's advice of potty training me at 18mo-2 yrs. and instead attempted to potty train me at 9 mo. old! No lie! It not only didn't work, but I wet my pants until I was 10, pooped them until I was 6, and wet my bed every night until the night before my wedding at 18 yrs old. If you can imagine, MD was the crazy perfectionist housewife narcissist, and her spotless home was where her soul was, her absolute reason for being, including my room! Now imagine that from 13-18 yrs. of age, I also had my period. I never tried to have this problem. I just slept right through it, and she was left with the mess in the morning. Oh well.

My folks tried everything!! Once they bought this device to alleviate my bed wetting. It had this window screen like mesh that slipped under my sheet and next to it on my night stand stood this electrical thing about the size of a large Quaker Oats box with wires and a light bulb on top of it. It also had a LOUD alarm and an electrical cord that plugged into my wall. My sheet was put back on and I was put to bed. Later on, my parents went to bed in their room and all was well...UNTIL I began to pee! The urine set off the alarm, the window screen was soaked and began to SHOCK me with electricity, the siren went off, and the light bulb began to FLASH!!!!! It scared my parents in the next room half to death!! They came running in...and found me laying there, sound asleep, peeing. I never even woke up! They took the machine back.

MD had a formal garden party once when I was in elementary school. All "la dee dah" (in the 1950s) with appropriate dresses, hats, and white gloves and the like. MD wanted to show off her lovely home and was giving the ladies a grand tour of her domain...when there was a trail of ants spotted climbing up into my bed after the sugar in my urine. She may have been my abuser, but I (sadly) had a way of nailing her back. She never realized that her abuse was causing my reaction to it. And it was never deliberate...NEVER. I'd just wake up wet.

She even told me on the day before I got married, hatred dripping from her voice, "I hope you PEE on your husband and GET A DIVORCE!!" BUT I've never had even ONE accident, not one tiny drop, not even when I was as big as a house and pregnant, EVER SINCE THEN! NOT ONCE!!!
I did end up divorcing him, but not for 5 long years thereafter and NOT for that reason.

So Crow, you weren't that bad. My own 3 kids all wet the bed clear up until they were in grade school. Oh well. My dad did, too, even some times after they were married. I have a suspicion that that's why my parents had the twin bed sleeping setup that they had for their entire marriage. Did he ever stop? Maybe. Maybe not. And was mine psychological? I permanently quit the day I left home at 18! And I believe that that really says it all.

Thanks for bringing this up, though. Every morning that I wake up dry, the shame of it all fades slowly away, no matter how much MD damned me for doing that to her. She was a monster doing her best to destroy me at a very basic level and I was just defending myself the best way I could (albeit subconsciously).

Honeybera

[rainbowdoves]

Hello Crow,

I did have bathroom related problems for my entire childhood. Truthfully, I was extremely delayed in most post toddler milestones, and this included potty training- I wore diapers almost daily until I was 6 or 7. To the frustration of my parents- with no third party intervention/help, of course. My brother two years older than me developed and got diagnosed with Crohn's disease, and he had to wear them frequently as well, so perhaps part of me wanted to stay in them as solidarity...? Or convenience, because we still were buying them. I also had anxiety about using the toilet, but I was capable of doing it fine whenever my grandma was over, for example.

My bedwetting was not as frequent, but it definitely happened, the last time I was 12 or 13? My mom did eventually give me practical advice to avoid it, like going to the bathroom before bedtime, but no mental help of course. I also coslept with her and she was very aggravated when I'd do it even with her. Not really sure what she expected..?

I was not giving only nighttime diapers either, it was constant daily. I was already exposed to physical and emotional abuse and grooming by then, I'm aware that bedwetting is a sign of a child being abused, so I am less surprised that I didn't receive help, what with my family hiding my abuse (we were almost taken away by CPS once)... Plus I already had two older brothers with health problems, so they were a lot LOT more in denial of me ever having problems.

I almost didn't reply here out of embarrassment and shame that I still have over the whole "being scolded and berated, but not given help or listened to, to help solve problems" thing. I haven't even told my T, but I know more and more now that they wouldn't scold me as well. Which is a major relief.

Sending love to all of you.