Triggering Coworker

[Otterotter]

So I was abused by a female youth group leader as a teen. She groomed me and did a lot of emotional damage. The part that was confusing to me was that I am straight. I maybe a “tomboy” and like sports but I’ve always been interested in men.

I’m married now and often feel shame talking to my husband about what happened.

Recently a coworker has been saying bothersome things to me, even when I tell her I don’t like it and it’s inappropriate. I’ve stated that I’m her boss and she can’t say things like that to me. She drunk facetimes me (I ignore) on the weekends, she tells me she has sexual fantasy dreams about me, that she wants to date me, asks me if I have ever been with a woman (which led to flashbacks and panic attacks).

I told my husband last night and he was frustrated I hadn’t told him sooner. That with everything I’m working through I should have told him. I just am frustrated and don’t know what to do. I’ve asked her to stop, told her it’s inappropriate and that it makes me uncomfortable... I don’t know what else to do.

[Harmony]

Dear Otterotter,

I am not sure if this is true in your locations. In most workplace sexual harassment is highly illegal. Can you to save some evidence and report this "colleague" to the human resources department? This harassment is not about you. It may be your power to put a stop to it.

sending courage,
Harmony

[greendreamdays]

Hi Otterotter,

I agree with Harmony. This is something human resources can help you sort out. I have reported a coworker for harassment before. It was scary but worthwhile. And knowing there is someone at work who can help may help you feel less alone. You don't need evidence to make a report, but it helps if you have it. Even if it just starts by a message or an email to HR saying you are experiencing harassment and you want to report a coworker. I'm sorry you are going through this. Coworkers can be so triggering.

[Jonesy]

Hi Otterotter

She drunk facetimes me (I ignore) on the weekends

Have you considered blocking her number?

I can understand why you may not wish to take this to HR, but maybe telling her that if things continue then this will be your next step?