Missing CROW

[Kokoschka]

Hi all, hope l'n not trespassing here - just wondering as until a week ago Crow would post several times a day and there's been nothing from him since. Kokoschka

[Chessgirl]

You doing ok Crow? We are here.

[Crow]

The normal me would usually let people know what was happening, but I sort of dropped off the radar without warning!

I'm okay. I have posted an explanation in 'my thread' (you lovely people know where).
I just caught up on my 19 notifications from my 5 day absence, and then I do my usual checking the 'new posts' to check for... yes, you got it, new posts
But... I was about to log off and go to bed and thought I would check the 'unread posts' and I found this (amongst other new member intros). I assumed that they would be in the 'new posts' section. So I have learned something tonight

I did feel bad that I didn't say I was going to disappear for a bit... Sorry to have worried you.
What was meant to have been a quick half hour catch up has turned into over two hours! (Don't think my wife is impressed with tonight - think she probably enjoyed seeing me the past five evenings!)

Crow

[Kokoschka]

Well, l am glad to hear that all in all you are OK and just needed some quality time for yourself and the family. I think it's great you felt the need and didn't suppress it!! I was really worried l had been too blunt and offended you. I am sorry to hear though
the week wasn't that good so far. Asking for professional help might be a good idea, can you phone your dr. before you make an appointment and realize it's the wrong person to talk to? Or would you need a reference first anyway? We can currently make phone appointments with the drs. here and they call back when it's your turn. Hope today is better and that you are less stressed. That bloody stress spiraling out of control is so damaging.
Take good care, Kokoschka

[Crow]

Hi Kokoschka,

I had a 'one to one' monthly performance review and wellbeing check in at work today with my manager. I was telling her about my break from this forum, and she commented the same thing... that I was aware that I needed to take a break and look after myself. She also said that it seems that I am starting to notice triggers and notice when I am feeling and responding in a way that isn't healthy for me or helpful in the situation. (She has been so supportive since I started employment back in March with them. She also knows about my childhood abuse - not details, just that I am a survivor and because it affects me. And because she manages the records management service where my records 'were' held, and I put my request in for my records just before I got the job there she knew from the nature of the request and that abuse allegations were mentioned they needed to be dealt with differently.)
I think I am making progress in that I am more self aware and proactively trying to help myself.

I will phone my doctor and see if I can have a telephone consultation with him (or maybe another doctor who has an interest in mental health). My worry is disclosing the abuse and how it affects me and either being rushed off the phone or not being believed and not being given options. I'll have to think about it.

I've started to realise now that stress is magnified because of the impact that our abuse has had on our developing brains. The ability to regulate our emotions is severely hindered and as a result of stress we go into child mode and adopt childhood coping strategies that don't serve us anymore as adults. Stress is hard!

Crow

[Kokoschka]

Hello Crow,
That sounds like a very unusual but fine manager you have at work. Someone you can talk to and who understand your situation!! That's really very special.
But then, you are still so young with a lot of time to work on yourself in whatever manner you think is best for you. I understand your fear of being brushed off by your doctor, especially when talking from the heart. I wasn't really happy with any of the Ts l saw but that was many years ago so l hope things have improved since. l on the other hand only realized so late in life what was really the matter with me. All those years l spent being miserable and feeling like a full-time loser, taking it all the time and understanding nothing about myself. Stress is awful, confusing, depressing but sometimes a necessary evil as it pushes the right buttons in us and answers, truths come to light.
Hope you have a good night and a good day tomorrow. Kokoschka