Needing a safe space in my mind/body

[MitziGoldberg]

Hi

I'm new to isurvive and I joined as I am having trouble finding a safe space in my mind/body.

I lived with my stepfather years ago for 15 years as a child. He was an alcoholic (hidden) sociopath who was very prone to extreme mood swings and was very creepy on many levels. He was unpredictable and volatile and threatening. My. mother disappeared into the background and my siblings all trode on egg shells.

I never felt there any boundaries at home and in a weird way I think he fancied me.

I am struggling with anxiety and not feeling safe in my mind or body.

I've tried visualising a safe space or creating one at home but there is something in my mind that won't let me believe its safe. He has just died but I still feel unsafe.

Any help or advice most welcome.

[there]

Hi, MitziGoldberg,
Sorry for what you've been through, and that you are struggling right now. A sense of safety is so important. I'm still building that in myself.

I do know that this is a pretty safe place to communicate as you are doing. This website and the wonderful members help each other to feel safe, among other positive things.

Hoping that you feel a little safer by coming here.

[Watercolor]

So sorry for all you suffered and for the pain and sense of unsafety that brought you here. I imagine his passing may have stirred a lot of memories and feelings. Hoping as you write and hear from others that you may feel a little less alone with your issues and struggles.

[Harmony]

Dear MitziGoldberg,

There is a kind of abuse called covert abuse. It is like that creepy boundary crossing insinuation kind of abuse. Have you heard of it?

Harmony

[MitziGoldberg]

No I haven't but I will definitely look it up. Thanks a lot.

[Baby]

Hello MitziGoldberg,

I am sorry you're struggling with this.

I'd love to suggest: meditation (grounding meditation in particular)
grounding exercises by Alexander Lowen
Reichian breathing (Reichian Therapy The Technique, for Home Use - look it up)
Also, try to refurnish the house, maybe just the room. Change things, get rid of things.

Sending you love and support.
Take care of yourself.

[MitziGoldberg]

Thanks everyone for responding.

I'm going to try the breathing technique you recommend. I realise I don't breathe out properly or hold onto my breathe. I use Headspace which is good to get me in touch with my body as I live in my head a lot. I just found a book called Healing Trauma by Peter Levine which looks good.

[coconuts]

There are so many great books out there to help you and so many apps and things to use to help calm and ground your body.

If your into the sciencey stuff The Body Keeps the Score is a good book about how our bodies hold on to trauma. I've personally learned a great deal from the books I've read.

I frequently hold my breath. In therapy my T has been known to have to remind me to breath at times. I suddenly start gasping for air because Ive just forgotten to for a moment. It's funny I need the cognitive reminder of that necessity. I do however find the breathing exercises very grounding. Mindfully breathing for me is a big tool in my box.