Letting go

[honeybera]

Honeybera,
I am so motivated by your posts! You accomplish so much. You have a can-do attitude when you want to get things done. I admire that and wish I had more of it!
Take good care!
Progress

Hey Progress! (Gotta love your name!!) I'm glad I motivate you! I actually accomplish what I can, and I'm proud of myself for doing as much as is possible for me. I'm glad you admire it, and if that's what you want, I'll let you in on a little secret: you, and you alone, are in charge now. You can have whatever you want, whatever you wish for. What's to stop you? I have a tip for you, too: don't let whatever is stopping you from being your best (and that includes you) to stop you from doing/being exactly what you want to do or be. And do it now. Just do it. (Forgive the Nancy Reagan quote. ) It's not an easy path, but certainly a satisfying one. AND IT'S ALSO CERTAINLY DOABLE. If you choose to. It's all up to you. Isn't that great?!

That garage of mine haunts me. Up until a short while ago I had a 100' length of garden hose, neatly rolled and still in the package, brand new, sitting in my bedroom. I still have all kinds of gardening things that should be in the garage instead sitting in my bedroom. I could clear out a TON of stuff from my front room and hobby room, too...so this morning I asked DS to do a bug bomb out in the garage to minimize the horrible cooties living out there - and he did. It's raining today, so it'll be a perfect afternoon to get busy on this. I'll need a chair to sit in for whenever my back begins to ache or I just plain get too tired or my gout flares up too much and the pain is too great to stand or walk - and there is a chair out there already for just that task. After all, I AM 75.

BUT BUT BUT!!! I'll also be damned if I'm going to allow myself to get feeble or "frail". NO!! I will do my dishes in a minute here to keep that task caught up (as I always do...now). I'd like to make some keto chewy chocolate chip cookies, too, but that is optional. Then to the garage!!! The dark, cold, creepy garage! But if I want the entire house in order, I NEED THAT GARAGE! So off I go. MY CHOICE to do so. I don't even need to. But I want a clean house (for the first time in my long life) and that is a step I need to take to achieve that goal.

My garage is FULL of shelves lining the walls, big heavy duty steel shelves with plywood platforms, 5 shelves each on 5 HUGE storage shelves at least 6 or 7 ft. tall and 2 ft. deep - each one filled to the brim with JUNK, JUNK, JUNK AND nasty rat poop!! I didn't set them up nor fill them. DS and DD did when she needed my front room to live in in 2008 when I was still working. (Long story there.) I began to deal with the incredible mess left for me to clean up - "HEY, IT'S YOUR HOUSE, NOT MINE!!" - said to me by my DD later on. I also found out that the rat poop isn't as deadly as it once was a decade or two ago. Just gloves, a mask, and lots of bleach water should do it now without contracting some dread disease. I also have ONE closed and lidded clear plastic storage box that fits perfectly on the shelves. If that works as nicely as I think it will, I'll be getting more...a LOT more!! I also have a "work bench" of sorts, a wooden storage cabinet with internal shelves. And now to accomplish my goal, it's a matter of cleaning one shelf at a time...!

Also out there are the Mystery Boxes, packed and loaded up from my old Section 8 Welfare apt. and stacked precariously to the 10 ft. ceiling. Some have already fallen, leaving them even more precarious. DS will have to help me out there to keep me safe, but it needs to be addressed. I'm going to see what needs to be addressed FIRST, though. It may or may not be the rat poop infested shelves, the precariously teetering Mystery boxes (filled with God knows what), and the yard equipment scattered throughout already. But once done, afterwards will be the blessed thoughts of, "Wow, I can put THIS out in the garage now!" as I clear out and organize my house!!! HALLELUJAH!

See how that works? Wish me luck today. I'm counting on Mark Twain:

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks and then starting on the first one. - Mark Twain

♥♥♥Progress!♥♥♥

Honeybera

[honeybera]

Yesterday DS and I really got into it and it really cleared the air. I was even seriously considering having him move out, but then we began speaking again and he made it clear that he wanted to get this house cleaned up. He's right, of course, but he's at minimum of half of the reason it's such a mess. I CANNOT AND WILL NOT DO THIS CLEAN UP ALONE! END OF SUBJECT! It's WAY above my pay grade! And it's too much for a person who's 75 yrs. old to do all by myself. He's always maintained that he'll do the heavy lifting for me that I can't handle, but he has been doing it lately with a bad attitude and an obvious impatience to get back to whatever he had been doing. Yesterday he triggered me by shaming me because I couldn't get his instructions (that he did rapidly with the remote control and that I couldn't see) on how to shut off the internet connection to my TV so my computer's internet would work via reduced bandwidth use. He SHRIEKED at me that I wasn't listening and he scared me. That's not good. All I could see was is, THIS going to be the person in charge of you when you're helpless?? Perhaps not calm? Even unreasonable? His tone was truly violent. I don't need someone around me who scares me!! I was SOBBING!!! And was being ridiculed for it.

But after he calmed himself by tearing up all the empty cardboard boxes I was saving in the front room for donations, we began to talk turkey. He wants the house cleaned up (GRANTED!! - because so do I), and I want to be treated calmly, fairly, and nicely. He wants the front room cleaned up (OK...) so he can have friends over (understandably - so do I - I have NO FRIENDS ATM) and I let him know that that's what I wanted, too. I suggested that we start on the Storage Rm. so we can get at that cursed rolltop desk (how long have I been trying to get rid of it?!) - and believe it or not, after only ONE night's work on that room, our goal for tonight is to move the SUPER TALL and FULL 6 shelf on rollers over to it's permanent home on the wall next to the closet. We made one heck of a DENT in that full sized bedroom already! I had to explain to him that I'd learned that I need to DUMP/GIVE AWAY/SELL a bunch of stuff to make room for more current stuff that we need to store/use, and for all those things to KEEP, I need to have a HOME for them, ie, somewhere to KEEP THEM. This is really helping!!!

I just needed to share this. Another thing is that I speak to anyone so seldomly that I'm starting to lose my ability to talk. I can write just fine, like on here, but to say something to someone, to express myself, I'm finding it more and more difficult to come up with the word that I need to say. I could write the word down for them no problem, but to say it is just beyond my grasp, like it being on the tip of my tongue, so to speak. I need to figure out some way to safely get out amongst more people f2f. Even the Walmart people just put the groceries into my trunk and leave. No need to speak there. One or two days can go by without me even seeing DS if he's working a couple 12-hour shifts, much less talking to him. So when I say I'm isolated, I mean ISOLATED! I'm not speaking while typing right now. I don't answer the TV while watching it. While I talk TO the dogs, I don't really have much of a conversation. And even texting or chatting (something I rarely do except with DS), there's no "voice" to it. Really odd observance of mine.

The Storage Rm. is calling me in there. I really want to get more done although DS said he could sit today out if at all possible. Uh, no, sorry. It isn't possible. His thighs are bothering him due to vigorously playing an interactive exercise videogame. I'm afraid not. We're in this together as far as I'm concerned. At least keep me company in there while I work.

Honeybera, OWNER of a large constipated house!

[honeybera]

Wow, that was a real "hair on fire" moment!! I could not get in here. I didn't realize just how much I count on this as an emotional outlet. I still don't know how I managed to get in, but I do realize that I need to make another donation to my favorite cause: isurvive.org!! That was SO SO SO SCARY!!!!!

My computer is working again, too, thank heavens!!! With all the deaths in this family (2 since Thanksgiving) plus the holidays and all those triggers they invariably brings plus really digging in to the rampant clutter here plus my beloved computer's internet connection fluttering and often quitting completely which leaves me in abject isolation without even the ability of paying my bills plus the constant and often overwhelming GOUT PAIN in my feet and right hand, I am also SO SO SO GRATEFUL to happily see Jan. 3rd show up!!

Upgrade on the pups: SPOT IS STILL WITH US...AMAZINGLY!!! She's out walking around the backyard. She walks in a pronounced wobble and is literally a walking skeleton with fur, but she is a true survivor. She's been "dying" for so long now, but she's still here. She is now drinking today, but for the first time isn't eating. She has been a voracious eater up until now, gobbling up maybe five or six 3oz. Cesar premium dog foods a day, each one lovingly cut into small little cubes by me to make it easier for her to eat, and she still enjoys a good chew treat once in a while, like dehydrated/freeze dried meat or puffed up yak cheese. She's in no pain, and until she is, I'm not even considering euthanasia. I promised her to keep her until the bitter end and I intend to keep that promise. She still asks to go outside...wait! She's eating now. GOOD! She's also been having seizures about once a week, scarier to watch than anything else. She snaps right out of them. But it's the deathwatch that I've been going through for roughly a year now (since Feb. 25, 2021 - the death of her sister and litter mate Dot) that is so hard for me. She just went into the bathroom where her potty pad is and now there's considerable blood in her stool. It shouldn't be long now. But she is still eating and drinking and walking around inside and the backyard while marking her territory and once inside again asking for a pet. She fears being left alone and when I leave the room to even get my own water and/or dinner or even do a chore, she waits at my bedroom door for me anxiously. She's my neurotic dog! I just try to enjoy her and love her while she's still here, but it's hard to do without crying.

And then there's Boots and Mittens!! FULL OF LIFE and mischief! The way I let Spot go out into the yard is I "call" the pups to the WOW (which is smudged with their muddy paw prints ATM) and open the door: the pups run in and Spot limps/wobbles out slowly, I play with the pups until Spot wants back in (she stands at the sliding glass door), I shake the treats container, the pups get ready at the door, I open the door, Spot staggers in, the pups leap over her to the backyard, waiting for/anticipating their treats, I toss out the handful of treats for them to "find", and all is happy! Last night I saw one of those ads on TV for the ASPCA with dogs abandoned in the cold, etc., so I let my pups in while ol' Spot was in here. I feel that they're not getting enough "me" time, too. As long as Spot stayed in her bed (next to mine), the pups let her be, but once she got up and walked under my bed, they jumped on her, and she's just too weak to take them on. I'm going to keep letting them in to see if I can get them to calm down enough to spend more time in here with me and just relax. Right now just being allowed in here is altogether too exciting since the time is usually so limited. But I love my comical, energetic, and extremely playful pups, too, so I need to simply spend more time with them.

They are also quite a bit bigger and infinitely stronger than emaciated Spot. Spot used to be around 10 lbs., but now is so light, maybe 5 lbs...MAYBE. Mittens (aka Moose or Avalanche) is at least 15 lbs. and Boots is probably around 12 or so. Both are very lively!! Neither one is fat...at all!! Pure muscle with a prey drive to match. I have a gate I can close between the dog's yard and my garden and WOW, BUT if I do close it, the pups, who NEED their exercise, can't access the entire yard. If it's closed, Spot can go out without the "pups in, Spot out" routine. If it's OPEN, the pups get full exercise + the extra sun that they love to sunbathe in while on top of two of my 30 gallon Smart Pots or one of the straw bales. Plus I get to watch them, full of life, zip by my WOW, chasing each other at full speed (which is incredible!!) and playing and oftentimes hunting. It's a real positive to keep that gate open, both for them and for me.

I also just ordered some "teaser wands" and attachments for the wands from Amazon. I found (once already ordered) that they are used to train for agility. I can really see that happening! Or even just to have fun with my pups! They aren't puppies anymore at 11 months old. Their birthdays are late in this month.

======================(many days later)

As always, ideas and solutions come to me. There are two gates in the dog's yard: one leads into my garden, but the other one leads down under the kitchen window and a long strip about 7' wide and as long as the length of the house. When the pups got here last April, I was afraid that they might get out over there. They seemed so curious, but also were digging and I was afraid we might lose them. They weren't even chipped yet, so we blocked the gate with stones which have held them out of there since. But now? Most of the fence is cemented underneath already due to our former litter of Ratties. I need to reopen that gate and trim/prune a nice wide path for the entire length of "their run" so I could keep the garden side gate closed.

Wow. As I think of it, it makes more and more sense!! Old Spot could saunter out whenever the mood struck her on the garden side (alone and unattacked - even the birds pay her no mind ), the pups could have free reign of their dog's yard side PLUS the newly opened up "run", currently overrun with window-sill-high bright red salvia bushes and Rose of Sharon trees (both hummingbird favorites). My weedeater, loppers, and hedge trimmer should make quick work of that. AND it would keep the pups on that side of the house rather than on the other side, avoiding the cranky neighbors. I could let the pups out into the garden area to hunt periodically with me there to watch them (NO GARDEN PLANT DIGGING!!!), and then back onto the other side, the dog's yard side, for the rest of the time.

OH, THIS IS GOOD! The pups also are determined to scare off ALL BIRDS (including the hummers) by barking and making noise. NOT GOOD! All of those feeders are just outside of my WOW. If the pups are only allowed to be in the garden area with supervision by me, then when they're not allowed in there, the birds will have a fighting chance at food and drink and I'll have my show to watch. And I can have a garden without fear of Rattie digging in my pots and raised beds, destroying all my hard work. I can also go into their yard with those new "teasers" and nice fresh straw bales and agility toys and have fun with training the pups. Oh, this is SUCH a good idea!!! It really puts me back into control without hurting the pups in any way. And Spot and the hummers and the other little birds can come back into the garden area yard without fear of being assaulted!

And I can still have the pups "patrol" the garden yard side for any rodents, leaving the pup's scent behind for the rodents to consider before coming in here. I have also ordered peppermint oil and sprayers (they're on their way) so I can spray for ants and rodents out there - they're both supposed to hate that smell.

I'll start on the "side yard gate opening" project today. Let's hope this works.

==========================(hours later)

Wowee!! What a difference!! DS and I got out there and got it all spiffed up! The side yard gate is now blocked open, the garden gate is closed, weeds got pulled, holes dug by the dogs got filled in (SO much safer to walk now!!), old garbage got taken out, and the little (empty) dog food cans from Spot that the pups love to lick clean got picked up and thrown away. IT LOOKS SO MUCH BETTER! DS did most of the work (that which I could not do), but tomorrow is all for me: weedeating, hedge trimming, and pruning to clear a 3 ft. wide path the length of the "side yard"/dog run. I can do that.

We even started on the garage today!!! (Don't faint!) The new 71qt. clear plastic bin fits the shelves perfectly, 3 to a shelf, 5 shelves to the racks, 5 metal storage racks in the whole garage. Our local Home Depot has a lot of them in stock. We're on our way!

Only problem is my gout is flaring something fierce. Lots of pain there. But not as bad as it has been sometimes. Last night was a "treat": pain so bad it woke me up with a start out of a sound sleep! But I could squeeze into my garden clogs today, and that's all that's really needed. I could limp around just fine. It's still super sensitive, no doubt about it, but I'm beginning to realize the power of exercise and how my computer chair (USED ALL THE TIME: computer + TV + youtube and so on) is incredibly EVIL and not good for me. Yard work, gardening, housework: these are my exercises, and not only do they give me MUCH NEEDED exercise, but they also give me a lift in spirits (that spirit that MD tried so hard to BREAK for so many, many years!!) and combats my depression!!

It's dinnertime now. (Actually, it's been 22 hours since I have eaten my last OMAD meal.) I'm finally hungry again. NICE! Cream of asparagus soup to start with a taco on the side (taco meat, melted cheese on a warmed low carb tortilla with Oaxacan sour cream - YUM!), followed by a chicken stir fry (lots of veggies and diced chicken tossed with plenty of Chinese spices and oils), and a pumpkin muffin with "sweetened" whipped cream cheese for dessert. Most of it is already prepped and it shouldn't take but a few min. of prep time to be ready to eat.

I'm outta here!!

Honeybera

[honeybera]

♥ Hi there! ♥

Taking a break. My gout is really flaring, but not as badly as yesterday. So I hobbled in to the family room and fed the pups and cleaned their pen. They are LOVING that side yard!! There must be rats out there, too. They are so focused on one spot underneath the salvia that they are frantically climbing and digging and barking underneath, on top of, and through the solid thicket of lovely salvia out there. AND we can see them do it from my kitchen window. This was a brilliant solution if I do say so myself! And if they run the hummers off from that patch of salvia, there's always the many varieties over here near my Window on the World (WOW). And also there's all the feeders for the hummers and other birds. The birds act like Spot's not even there.

DS just went to the CHEAP grocery store for all the bargains to be had there. This week's eye popper: bone-in sirloin pork chops @ 98¢/lb!!! Pork chops are my favorite! (And bone-in are the dog's favorite! ) Also zucchini for 38¢/lb and Fuji apples for 58¢/lb!!

===================(the next day: Tues.)

Somebody's trying to tell me something! The gout continues, but is improving, plus I'm now taking prescription medication for it from the doctor and for the pain, too. I'm also looking online for some sort of guidance as to what I can and cannot eat. The online advice givers are all over the place on diet. Let's see: I can't eat PORK CHOPS , nor turkey nor tuna fish nor BACON - nor - nor - nor...but what got to me was the veggie restrictions: NO cauliflower!! NO SPINACH!! Not even mushrooms! No beans, either, but already I don't drink alcohol (don't like it at all) nor do I eat "sweetbreads" (UGH! ) nor sardines or shellfish nor wild game (venison), so no loss there, either, and I don't eat veal, either.

But what just about brought happy tears to my eyes was what they DO recommend: BANANAS, ORANGES, AND APPLES. I already have my Tart Cherry juice (2 T. /day in 12 oz water with art. sweetener as needed), but to simply EAT AN ORANGE AGAIN...OMG!!! A nice juicy navel orange sectioned out to eat one piece at a time while watching the news or a wonderful just-turning-yellow banana sliced into my Magic Spoon cereal. WOWEE!! And now they're recommending that I drink COFFEE (NOT decaf!) since it will help with my gout. It all will. I don't want to go hog wild with this, but just a bit every so often would be SO NICE! I have such an appreciation of these things now. Dates/raisins/etc. are still too loaded with sugar (fructose) for me, and besides, I can't have oatmeal on either regimen to go with the fruits. But I can still have my apples and smoked Gouda (my favorites!). Maybe a ½ a banana and freeze the other half. Maybe with a schemer of freshly ground peanut or almond butter on the slices and a hot cuppa. OMG. Or splurge with a pork chop and some homemade applesauce with cinnamon. One happy Honeybera!!

If they're trying to tell me something, though, I'm listening! I need to be on my feet! I need to be more active! Sitting in this computer chair all the time is killing me! There's always plenty to do around here, and we were just getting started! Today I managed to do a few things, like sort papers and clean out my old bus driver's rolling backpack. It was chock full...of junk!! Mostly just paper towels that had been wadded up, and my old pillow cases that I used like visors (I'm very short and the sun often got me right in the eyes) along with the now-broken up clips that I used to pin them to the actual visors. It took me back for a bit, remembering, but then I just tossed out 99% of it. That junk has been sitting in that bag for the last 8 yrs., buried in the "Computer Room" that has NO COMPUTER in it!

Yes, I have a LOT to do once my foot is better enough to slip a shoe on it. That front yard (weedeat) and then the dog's yard are some of the first places to begin. Or maybe just be happy starting with my room...I'm beginning to believe that I NEVER threw out a single piece of paper or any junk mail that came my way! It seems to just keep appearing in this box or that...AND IT'S SO OLD! Some of it is incredibly important, but most of it is NOT. Still I have to go through all of it just in case. Fortunately, I can do the sorting while sitting down in my room and I am still making visible headway.

And I'm improving my organizational skills as I work. I now have a small portable file box (complete with folders) to put my important papers in in order. I remember MD being so proud that she could lay her hands on any paperwork in a big drawer she had out at the ranch. I think I've subconsciously resisted emulating her. I have to remember that I'm not doing this for her or to be like her (GOD FORBID!!), but to do it for myself and for my own ease and comfort and peace at "having every thing in its place". She is fading away, like water under the bridge, and is NOT there to scold or compare or shame me for not doing it the "right" way. Some of her ways were good, I must admit, but others have used them, too, and she was negligent in not teaching me how to function in society and in life. I had to learn the hard way.

It was beneficial, though. It did toughen me up. In fact, it made me better and stronger than her - and that was NOT how it was supposed to go! Now I find myself facing all of the housekeeping trauma, like how to do it? But it's starting to come together for me. Slowly. But surely. (And don't call me Shirley!)

I need to repair this gouty foot right now by resting it. Time for bed!

Honeybera

[honeybera]

Gout pain is finally subsiding, but now I've scratched my left index finger deeply with my right hand fingernail (and I mean deeply!), so I still can't do much without it beginning to spontaneously bleed again. I really do feel like Roseann Roseannadana! "It's always something!" But in my studying of all things gout and staying off my feet as much as possible, I've discovered a podiatrist somewhere in Michigan who makes extremely interesting and informative youtube videos. I'm learning so much about my feet and how important they are to me. He's giving me hope that I can regain my foot health. I've not been very good with regard to my poor neglected feet, but not any more. He has given me lots of simple tips on how to care for my feet better in the future, so I'm encouraged.

The new "flirt wand" for the pups just came in today. OMG. They LOVE it!! Or more like they hate it with a passion! It's basically a tug toy hung on a short, strong fishing pole sort of a thing by a strong 4' long rope, a "teaser". Well, these pups are vermin hunting dogs, and will ATTACK anything that moves, so when these tug toys are danced and bounced just above their heads all hell breaks loose! As they see it, King Rat is dancing up there, and they are out to KILL it!! And I have all kinds of toys to tie on to the rope on the heavy duty flirt wand! All are hand picked by me to drive my poor Ratties nuts! One hasn't arrived quite yet: it's the one made of real rabbit fur, sewn into a tug toy. They just LOVE rabbits, too. They already adore the one made of sheep skin with a bungee tied to it.

These toys not only stimulate their prey drives, but also are used as a guide during agility training. We have a long way to go for that sort of thing, but I'd like to get the Dog's Yard all cleaned up and place several fresh straw bales out there for them to jump up on and make some tunnels for them to walk through with the bales. Stacked bales is how it's set up for Barn Hunt. And it will be fantastic exercise for me to be out there training them. They are amazing dogs!! And super intelligent, too. And they have so much energy! It needs to be controlled somewhat or else they'll just bark and disturb the neighbors. But this way it'll get me out into the backyard having fun with my pups. A real win-win. What brings on a gout attack? Sitting too long, getting old, and obesity! (Also smoking and drinking, but I quit smoking 35 yrs. ago and I've always been a teetotaler, so neither of those is causing my gout pain.) Getting out there with my pups can solve all my problems but one.

I've been watching 1000-lb. Sisters lately and I've been learning a lot there, too. They make so many excuses and they lie to themselves a lot, especially re: food and their weights. I learned a long time ago that food is only for fuel and not for feelings. I can enjoy my food and make those choices I choose to make, but to eat any more if I FEEL sad or happy or whatever seems crazy to me anymore. I no longer eat past full. I used to. All the friggin' time! But not anymore. In fact, I sometimes just stop eating and rest for 10-20 minutes to see if I'm feeling full yet. Not stuffed, just comfortably full. I actually avoid getting that "stuffed" feeling. UGH! It took me a long time to finally put this way of eating into place. It was well worth the effort.

But the Sisters "cheat". All the time. And they have a very confused impression of what is "healthy" and what is not. Like the brother Chris says, "Well, no more BBQ." I want to scream at the TV, "Why not??" No wonder they diet religiously, and then they binge/cheat, and then they "eat healthy" again and on and on and on - they just don't get it. They seem to actually nurse that old feeling of being deprived of something which drives them to cheat again and again. The only ones that they're cheating on is themselves. I do know what they're going through, though: the waddling walk, the lying to themselves, the crushing weight making it hard to breathe. I weighed more than 306 lbs. at one point, and the way the weight is coming off is I still have the fatness around my midriff and on my upper arms, just less of it, like I have the same form, just smaller. I wish I could tell the sisters that a piece of cream pie or cake or even cookies is reasonable, that Chris can make his BBQ and even use store bought sauce or make his own, just no sugar in it. I doubt if they could/would even hear me. I guess I should be glad that I at least listened before it was too late. I need to get rid of all of this weight and with it the T2D!

I was telling DS about how, when I was around 6-8 yrs. old, I would go over to my best friend's house (the Twins) and, since their single mother worked, I would get an entire loaf of their bread and toast it all, slathering it with butter and whatever else I could find, and eat it to my head. I did this on a regular basis until the Twin's mother paid MD a visit and complained to her about me eating "all their food" and telling MD to please feed me at home, that she couldn't afford to feed me, too. So I was a compulsive overeater even at that tender age. That floors me. But all MD heard was herself being criticized for something that I had done. I really got it for that one!!

But now I am seeing that I need to love myself and to be more active...despite the gouty big toe. Not just keeping up the dishes on a daily basis, but yard work, too. That sort of thing. And also training my Hell Hounds to Barn Hunt and to socialize them, too. That should be fun. And I'll slowly gain my strength back as well. This podiatrist is saying that that should take my gout flares down to ZERO. We'll see if he's right. I sure hope he is. Time to start puttering in the back yard again...

Honeybera

[Progress]

Hi honeybera,
Listening, reading, caring, and feeling excited for all the positive things you have going on!

I always enjoy your posts. Especially the fun stuff about your doggos.

Take good care!!!
Progress

[honeybera]

OH THANK GOD!!!!! I'M IN!!! I need this forum SOOOO MUCH!!!! I haven't been able to log in for quite some time now. I even had to change my password. I cannot express the unmitigated joy I'm feeling to be back in. WHEW!!!! I have nowhere else to even share for a moment except the registered nurses at my health care plan and I don't want to overuse that privilege. SAD!

I believe that Spot is dying. BUT I have believed that before, so we'll see. This morning I noticed that she'd been missing the pee pad in my bathroom a LOT. It was looking like a mine field in there with the yellow-soaked paper towels all over the place as I tiptoed into my toilet area and shut the door. (If the door isn't shut, my throw rug gets fouled by her; same goes for the shower door throw rug that is protected by a large heavy folding table which must be moved for me to take a shower. ) Then as she lay in her bed next to mine, she began to thrash around, unable to stand...and she just laid there on her side and peed. AND THEN SHE GAVE OUT 4 TINY, SOFT WHIMPERS! I really thought she was gone this time, but right now she's just resting under one of her blankets. I don't know if she can still walk, but she's still with us. Those whimpers really floored me! She's not one to whimper!

I'm beginning to realize that outside of this forum, I have NO support group. NONE!

=====================(Next day: Saturday)

Ancient, old skin-and-bones Spot has rallied yet again! She is so weak that she wobbles when she walks, BUT she still enjoys taking a walk outside in our 60-70ºF and nicely dry weather. She can still beg for a "treat" (and we have some dandy ones!) and I even hand-chop her "Filet Mignon" Caesar brand dog food so she can take tiny bites. But don't be fooled: she's going through at least 4 little squares of food a day! She eats it as fast as I can put it down. I could no more put her down for just being old than fly to the moon! So I've decided to just hang in there a bit longer and care for her for as long as she's still here. She's in no pain that I can tell. She's just painfully skinny, eats like a horse, and urinates and defecates on my bathroom floor - but I love her and wish her no harm. It's not the first time that I've been a nursemaid.

Hi honeybera,
Listening, reading, caring, and feeling excited for all the positive things you have going on!

I always enjoy your posts. Especially the fun stuff about your doggos.

And hello to you, Progress! I indeed have a lot going on right now - and I'm making some real progress. (No pun intended!) I've found some new plants at Annie's Annuals that I think will do VERY well here: Ceanothus Ray Hartman! It's a fast growing evergreen shrub/tree that I'm planting at my back fence line (well protected from my digging dogs with heavy rocks placed all around the roots! ) for the horrible heat that comes in the summertime. It has BIG blue spikes of hummingbird flowers, too - I've not forgotten them - and needs little to no water once established. It also grows up to 15' tall (and wide) and will block my view of my neighbor's ugly yellow, 2-story house over the back fence! HALLELUJAH!!! At night, even with the magic mirrored film on my windows that blocks their view directly into my bedroom in the daytime, I have to shut my blackout drapes if I don't want prying eyes. (And I never do!) You can see my new plants over on anniesannuals dot com. Search for "Ray Hartman" and it'll pop up and show you pictures of it. I'm really thrilled about this...so far. I just hope the hummers like it and the big black bumblebees don't like it too much!

I also planted my pepper seeds and some squash seeds last week - and TODAY I just noticed that my Fordhook Zucchini has come up!!! There was this tiny little rigidly erect green plant with two leaves happily sitting there all alone under a clear dome under the grow lights in a sea of otherwise plain little pots of soil. Wow! I also have planted some tomatoes (SunGolds and a big beefsteak) plus a Celeriac for the first time ever. We'll see how it goes. Keeps life interesting.

My pups are doing well. They're over a year old now...and they're beginning to calm down and not BARK BARK BARK at every living thing! (Thank heavens!) I bought them a new treat (or treats actually) in the form of Flirt Poles for dogs. I got them the super heavy duty poles, big sturdy ones for Rottweilers and the like, but in our case it's truly needed! We've nicknamed Mittens as Avalanche! Let's just say that once she bites down on the leather tug toys, she doesn't let go! She must weigh about 18 lbs. or more, and that girl can T-U-G!!!! Boots is smaller, but tries to get in the game as well. Boots was my yapper, but now she just barks at something for maybe a minute or two out in the yard and then that's it. DS loves to play "flirt" with them. All we need to do is to hold one of the fuzzy lures up and allow the pups to see it and dangle it - and all hell breaks loose!!! We got them several different lures, even lures made of actual sheepskin and rabbit skin (scavenged from meat packagers - otherwise they would've been tossed and wasted) and these tie onto the rope on the flirt pole (sort of like a fishing pole) - and let the fun begin!! Leaping, snarling, barking dogs!!

Yet the minute the pole/lure is "disappeared", these vicious killer dogs become the most docile little pups imaginable! Tails are wagging, suddenly innocent wide brown eyes look up into ours. It's amazing to see. These girls are definitely prey-driven! But I haven't seen a rat in weeks and weeks! No gophers either. They wouldn't dare!!
I believe they've packed their bags and moved to other houses without Rat Terriers! Smart move!

Very soon I'm planning to go get some brand new straw bales - a LOT of them! Weed control for one thing, plus water conservation, but also whole bales to set up for the pups to play on over in the Dog's Yard, getting them used to them prior to Barn Hunt. The pups are naturals for this event! They put a live rat in a tube with holes drilled into it (so the rat can breathe and the dogs can smell them) and hide them in bales of straw. When the dog searches and finds the rat, the dog gets points. They even give ribbons and prizes. I can hardly wait! All dogs are welcome to do this, but from what I've seen, most dogs are "meh" about doing this scent work. But my matched set of Irish-marked Ratties? OMG. I'll have to drag ol' Avalanche out of there by her collar! They were bred for this!!!

And I hope to make some friends along the way possibly. I'm becoming acutely aware of just how isolated I am. I thought that being isolated during the pandemic would be a piece of cake for me, and it has been, but it's beginning to wear thin by now. Rollicking around a bunch of stacked up straw bales with my dogs in competition sounds great to me! I still have a lot of work to do with my smarter-than-smart dogs: they're wearing collars (finally), but don't like a leash at all. And I have to socialize them. Hard to do as an autistic. But we'll get to it.

====================(ALREADY TUESDAY>??)

Wow. Where did the time go? Spot isn't doing well - and then she rallies once again. Last night at about 3am she woke me up by giving sharp, fearful, moaning sounds. She could not get up and her bed was soaked! I really believed that this was it, but no. But then today she spent much of her time outdoors walking around the garden area in the warm sunlight (70ºF here today), then coming in and napping after eating a good meal. Occasionally she loses her balance, sometimes she just flops over on her side, legs flailing in the air for several minutes until she can right herself, but all in all...well, she just keep rallying!

And I'm glad. But for me, I'm on 24/7 nurse duty with no relief in sight, and it's getting exhausting. I've got a towel ready for tonight in case she has another rough night of it. I plan to pick her up (in the towel in case she's peed - or worse - but needs some love) and I can turn on the TV and just hold her. I did it last night without the towel. (Eewww!) But I love her so, and the look of relief on her face and deep in her eyes was enough for me.

Dogs can be survivors of puppy hood trauma, too, and Spot is certainly one of them. I fancied myself as a dog breeder way back in 2005. I bred Ms. T to another Rat Terrier, a champion stud, and I was only thinking of how much money I could make from the sales of the puppies. The trouble was that I was still working some 100 miles away and knew nothing about dog breeding, so all of the things following the actual breeding fell on DS's shoulders, and he was not only NOT trained or qualified to do this work, but he had to Google how to deliver the puppies when the time had come. Even Ms. T was a first time mother and was terrified and just ran around frightened! A total mess!

Then we had the same problems we were having now with Boots and Mittens (barking...a LOT!) And digging under the fences, but I kept buying DS bags of cement to fill the holes and that cement is still there.) DS, then 19, just left the 7 dogs out in the yard - ALL NIGHT LONG - and we eventually were called in on by the neighbors (and with good reason!) since the dogs barked all night long as well. Since no one ever came to talk to me about it, I was completely unaware that there was a problem. The dog catcher came to my door when the pups were about 4 months old and laid down the law to me: get rid of all dogs but two, and keep them inside from 10pm-7am every night! PERIOD!

Saddle went to a bus driver friend of mine (the only pup I sold) and she had her brother take two others (temp?) for free. I gave them Spot and Moo. We gave Ziggy (a stray we'd taken in) away to a Rat Terrier rescue. We were keeping T, Dot, and Butterbutt. Yeah, it was 3, but the dog catcher was satisfied - AS LONG AS WE KEPT THEM QUIET! And we did!!

But soon afterward, my friend's brother called her and said that they could only take one permanently and could we drive up there to their rural farm and pick up one of them? Sure! When we got there, Moo took one look at us, turned her back, and slowly walked away. Spot didn't see us at first, but when she did, she recognized us immediately and RAN up to DS and LEAPT into his arms!! We knew right then who we'd take back. But having been given away and living with those people for several months changed her, made her my "neurotic dog", fearful of losing us again. But that day I promised her that we'd never, EVER abandon her again - and I meant it. She doesn't seem to be in any pain right now - except mentally. That old fear of abandonment still lurks in her. I think she had another "spell" last night and it frightened her and she cried out for me...and I was right there for her. But tonight it will be with a nice clean towel - and we can watch TV together as I hold her in my arms. That comforts her so. Love that dog!!

I guess my weariness comes from the never knowing WHEN. "Is she gone this morning or isn't she?" Her "spells" (probably TIAs) look so dreadful and they scare both her and me. I only got the new pups because I thought Spot was near the end last March when I bought them. Spot was not dying, but only grieving the loss of her sister and litter mate, Dot, the Cuddler who passed suddenly on Feb. 25, 2021. I wasn't aware that dogs mourned like that. But now old Spot of T (her full name) is literally skin and bones covered in a bit of fur. She wobbles as she walks and falls over sometimes. Her balance is way off. In the mornings, I feel her to see if she's cold and/or breathing. It's stressful, the day after day of it.

But today she is still with me. The towel is nearby, just in case. And she is happily sleeping soundly right next to me. Take what you can get, I guess.

I'm going to get my dinner now. I'm just so thrilled to have this forum to go to and let some of this just GO! Otherwise it eats me alive.

Honeybera

[honeybera]

Hi again. I'll try to be a bit more upbeat in this post. Lately I've been recording The Twilight Zone from the Sixties. I used to LOVE that show! I was in my teens back then and I waited and watched that show and also The Outer Limits every week. Back in the day, if I didn't sit down in front of the TV set right on the time the show came on, I simply missed the show. Now I can just set it and record it, and I do! I was curious as to what I found so long ago that riveting a draw and I was surprised to find the subject matter rather deep, but fascinating. Today's story was about a player piano that, when played, shredded people's masks that they presented to the world and instead had them reveal their true selves and innermost thoughts in front of other people. One helluva story!!

When I watched it for the first time, I was in my mid-teens and MD was reaching the zenith of her abuse of me. When my father would go out to do his TV repair service calls (he owned the business, so he only worked when HE wanted to work: afternoons and evenings), MD would literally beat me from the time he left the house on a daily basis. When he'd return, she'd act all innocent and oftentimes chirp sweetly to me in front of him, "I think that you and I should get along. Let's try not to argue or fight with each other anymore." when only minutes before he walked in the door she'd been bitch slapping me and then back handing me REPEATEDLY across my face as hard and as fast as she could! Re-watching these old TV programs and seeing just what they were from a 75-yr. old perspective is fascinating! Looking back, I can also see that my father was just as autistic as my brother and I were, and each of my children, too. DB has but one child that is his by blood, and she's just like the rest of us. Our type of autism "runs in the family".

(Spot just had another TIA seizure and had some difficulty using her back legs for several minutes once she recovered and could do her wobbly walk into the bathroom to get a drink of water. It's sort of hard to be "upbeat" right now, although I'd prefer it. She walked over and is sitting on my foot under my computer desk. She's trying to recover. She wants to be close to me. No problem.)

Well, let's see. Lighten up. I now have one perky little Fordhook zucchini under my grow lights and 4 tiny SunGold cherry tomatoes on my window sill in the Hobby Room. I'm going to move them all, the whole shebang, in under the grow lights, too. DS fixed them up so I now have all 3 shelves on my grow lights with lights on a timer if I wish. I only have the top one "on" right now, but it's one of those chores that need to be done. I'm using MUCH less water this year and keeping the seeds drier (to avoid pests and diseases) and keeping them covered with these big clear plastic covers. I lift them up daily and use the old "touch with the finger" method to see how wet or dry they are. If dry, I add a TINY bit of water and then leave them be. The seeds are not the freshest (some are several years old!), but I've already gotten one healthy zucchini and four tiny tomato plants that look pretty healthy, too. I'm also watching my peppers (not any up yet) and the other squash (patty pan and crookneck) and <drum roll!> Bunching Onions! They're on the sideboard in the kitchen in front of a west facing window, but may go under the grow lights, too, soonish. They're in a one gallon pot, getting a bit of sun, but nothing is showing yet.

Last night I was making my final decisions about that surface-of-the-sun area right up against my southern facing back fence. I'm going to need something there (like the C that's super heat tolerant (100ºF+ DAILY in July and August), REEEEEALLY TALL (so my neighbors can't peer down into my backyard and bedroom from their upstairs bedroom windows) and this one is 15' tall (and 15' wide, too): PERFECT!, evergreen (so their view is blocked year round), a hummingbird favorite (YEP!), fast growing, and even drought tolerant (for when I flake out and don't water as often as I should in the hot months). Once it grows up a bit, I plan to make it more of a tree, giving shade to some of the less heat tolerant plants that can deal with "bright shade". The bottom trims up nicely (bare) but that top will be solid and non-see through! It is a WALL of blessed privacy amid a 30' wall of true blue blossom plumes! Ceanothus "Ray Hartman" www dot anniesannuals dot com if you want to see what it looks like. It's GORGEOUS!

But then I'll have a HUGE wall of evergreen with all blue flowers = ho hum! I still have some Rose of Sharon trees with red-throated white flowers that were planted when the house was built over 20 yrs. ago and they have self seeded a couple more. However, they are deciduous and drop their leaves, BUT they well be in front of absolutely evergreen Ceanothus - and the Ceanothus will continue to block the ugly view quite nicely. Oh! Decisions, decisions!!

I also wouldn't mind having some bright orange or yellow or gold mixed in down in front with the blues of the Ceanothus and the white and red Rose of Sharon blossoms (sort of a patriotic color scheme, right? ) - all of these are real hummingbird favorites! And then keep the Ratties out of this side of the yard in the daytime so the hummers can eat and flit about happily and undisturbed...and then let the pups out over here (garden side of the fence) at night (if they don't bark) to hunt and kill any rats. And oh my, there are rats!! You should see what the pups have done to Raised Beds #1 and #3!! Potting soil was flying out of there!! DIG DIG DIG!!! Then they'd cock their heads and listen...and DIG DIG DIG!!!! Noses thrust DEEP into the hole they'd dug, then heads cocked again...and they'd lunge forward and DIG DIG DIG!!! I have nothing growing out there ATM, so what do I care? But I am going to have to figure a way to make those raised beds more secure from my digging hounds. I have some ideas already.

I was just studying about HOW TO PRUNE AN APRIUM TREE since I have NO idea how. I have a brand new (still in the box) chain saw sitting in my front room along with the chain saw oil to run it. PLUS I have both a HUGE ratcheting BYPASS lopper (for fresh cuts) and a smaller ANVIL lopper (for cutting dead wood). So I'm set. I am having trouble maintaining my internet connection again ATM, so it's taking some time to locate and load some videos on HOW TO PRUNE (WHATEVER) TREE. I've never done it before, so naturally I need some considerable instruction on the HOW-TO. I was able to see an entire (although constantly interrupted) video on SUMMER pruning, but that's not what I'm doing here.

Every tree on this property needs (desperately) to be pruned! The wood cut from all that pruning will go into my new Raised Beds in the bottom before the raised bed soil and after I line the very bottom with FINE mesh metal "fabric" so the critters out there (rats, mice, and gophers) can't get up in them from below. Plus I'm getting the tall ones that the mice and gophers can't access from above. Up on top, I'm going to be using my metal cloches to protect my plants from the rats and the Rat Terriers that love them. I'm about to be getting a new raised bed right now (4'x4' Birdie's = THE BEST THERE IS!) to replace my old (VERY CHEAP!!) cedar ones that I got from Ace Hardware or something...CHEAPLY MADE!! And literally falling apart with help from my girls' digging. These new beds are made of galvanized and painted metal = BEEEEUTIFUL!!! Originally from Australia. And waist high so I don't have to bend over. (That kills me to do!!) If my computer were running properly, I'd have ordered it already today!

====================(later in the evening)

WHEW!! I just got in from some wicked weedeating!! I feel all sweaty, but happy, too, and strangely relaxed. I did just a bit (exactly one hour) of swinging that weedeater back and forth and cutting down the weeds that were on the brink of taking over (like they have every other year since I've lived here!), but not this year. I have things to do tomorrow (it got dark on me so I had to quit): weedeat in front of the strawberries (more stinging nettles there), weed the raised planters that they're in, refresh the soil and dig in some lovely "worm castings" (composted), and top with some fish emulsion 'tea'. That should get them off to a good start this year. Then clear the path from the back yard to the front path that the apple tree is partially blocking and save the cuttings for the new raised bed that is coming...eventually.

If I have any more strength left, I think I'll prune back my Cot-N-Candy Aprium (LOVE that tree!! apricot + plum = yum, yum!! ), my Blenheim apricot, and my last remaining Donut peach, and then head for the Dog's Yard for more picking up garbage, filling deeply dug holes, and more weedeating (the steps before fetching the new straw bales). The fellow I watched doing a video on summer pruning (sporadic as it was with the internet connection starting and stopping like it did) gave me some courage to at least try pruning and not to be so fearful of it. The tree will grow back, and even if I do kill it (doubtful!), I know where the nursery is! I can always buy a new one. I also am understanding pruning and why I should always "prune to an outside bud" and to keep the tree opened up "like a cup". Duly noted. Now I need to learn to understand that chain saw. Lordy!!!

The straw (as mulch) will really keep the weeds down so I won't have to weedeat out there so much, and on top of that, the straw mulch will conserve water usage as well. I have an idea for putting in an irrigation system of sorts, combining bricks, straw, and the natural curve of the land (drainage) towards the front of my property. But first is the pruning of ALL trees (huge job since they've NEVER been pruned before) , especially the HUMONGOUS Fuji apple tree. I plan to either control it or kill it. It is diseased (fire blight and powdery mildew) and stands at least 30' high! I don't want to hurt it, but it's just SO BIG!! So I've decided to cut it back harshly, give up those wonderfully sweet apples for one year, and pray for the best. I sound like I should be wearing a straw hat, don't I?

My dogs are terrified of the weedeater (GOOD!!!) and really keep their distance. I was afraid to use it around them as little puppies, but they are much older and wiser now and give me and that scary machine that I wield a wide berth!! I'm going to be clearing out the 7' wide "Dog's Yard annex" that runs from the Dog's Yard along the entire length of the house out to the front yard fence. The whole fence line has been cemented underneath so the original Ratties of ours couldn't dig out due to going after the rats living underneath the fence itself. We have sandy loam here and for them to dig is very easy to do. But that entire strip of land is totally overgrown with bright red Salvia bushes and two Rose of Sharon trees (both plants are hummingbird favorites!), so I have to get over there and prune all of that back, too, and throw down a bunch of straw.

I've been watching the shows 1000-lb. Sisters and My 600-lb. Life on TV, and I've noticed quite a few similarities between them and me. Being over 300 lbs at one time, I came too close to actually being one of them, but luckily I didn't. Nor am I considering "having the surgery". I'm doing it without the surgery. I'm noticing that my body is changing, but not how I used to change, all at once the weight would fall off and underneath was normalcy. Not anymore, sadly. My entire body is slowly recovering, but this time by my shape staying the same, and simply shrinking down. This has to be healthier than having my stomach sliced away. But Intermittent Fasting enabled by a high fat keto diet, although incredibly doable, for me is terribly slow! (4 yrs. and 3 months so far) But it does work and without much effort, and so far it is sustainable indefinitely.

So what is holding all this up? My age? Probably has something to do with it...but I think that the answer is simply EXERCISE vs the sedentary life I have been living. That little stint out in the yard today was really encouraging. It, like my WOE, wasn't particularly difficult, but I was sweating when I came in here and felt both happy and relaxed.
I can't argue with that. I wasn't even hungry when I first sat down here and actually thought about going to bed without eating, although it's been over 24 hours since I did eat last. So what I get out of this is: "If I just do IF and keto, I will lose, but it will be REALLY, REALLY SLOWLY. However, if I add some happy time in the garden along with some housework and maybe a bit of time out in the garage, I can speed this whole process up."

There is some leftover rotisserie chicken and some Brussels sprouts. I could warm them up, eat 'em to my head with lots of butter, add a bowl of Magic Spoon "cereal" as "dessert"...and go to bed after my shower. Oh, that sounds so good! I'm putting a "lid" on it for today. I can't wait until tomorrow! I'll be damned if I'll let MD win and make me break my own darned spirit!!!!

Let's see if this will send...

Honeybera

[honeybera]

[Thanks for the editing, Serenity. I have a hard time knowing what is appropriate/non-triggering and what is not. It's the autism. Forgive me please.]

I just got back in from doing some prep work out in the garden. OMG, there is SO much to do! But it looks better already. I am beginning to understand and know myself much, much better. This from the formerly 4 yr. old who was confused and didn't know what she looked like, so I'd stand tiptoe to see the dresser mirror to take a peek at myself. I didn't mind what I saw. I wasn't "ugly" like MD said constantly that I was, but I'd forget what I'd just seen the minute I'd quit tiptoeing and peeking. So I'd peek again and do the same thing, over and over again. How sad.

But now I know what I look like and what I feel like and even why that is. I'm even solving the "why-won't-I-go-outside" dilemma. I went out on Friday for about 1½ hours, all enthused and looking forward to it, but this is normal for me to do on occasion. I usually have great enthusiasm initially , and I really mean it when I say it, but then I only do it for one day...and then I sit. Maybe a month or so will go by, and still it sits there (whatever epiphany I'd had: garden, weedeating, cleaning, garage, and so on, even ordering some household service, like an electrician or handyman). "YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A &^%@#$ QUITTER!!!", MD used to scream at me, but if I did anything outside of just sit there, shut up, and not get dirty, I'd get beaten! So I think that this tendency to "do nothing" and just sit is deeply ingrained in me. IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING LAZY!!!! I've found that I am a very hard worker, but I've been TRAINED not to be! And therein lies my inner conflict.

I have noticed today when I spent 3 full hours out in the yard effortlessly, weedeating, especially including those nasty stinging nettles, picking up trash, and sorting things out, that I really enjoy doing that and barely get tired at all. I do get tired a little bit sometimes, so I sit down in the chair for about 5 minutes and pet the pups. We all enjoy that! I only stopped working out there because I spotted mosquitoes buzzing above me BUT BEFORE I ran into the house, I set up the yard for tomorrow. I left a "treat" for myself that I'll not be able to resist: some trash in a small pile and I've left the picker-upper by my WOW.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks and then starting on the first one. - Mark Twain

I don't know about you, but this really works for me!!

Another dilemma of mine: I've been on KETO/IF OMAD for 4+yrs. now. I am losing weight, but it's painfully slow. Easy, yes, but really, really slow! My problem (I think) is that I am still INSULIN RESISTANT. I watch videos on it all the time and I believe I have my answer: EXERCISE. Not like jumping-jacks or squats or even the gym (I have a free Silver Sneakers gym membership to any gym, but NO!). I see that as boring!! Like eye-rolling boring!!

But today as I stood out in my yard, sweating nicely and slightly winded (the weather here ATM is delightful and Springtime-like), I realized that most of my hummingbird flowers made it through our never-harsh winter!! That made me REALLY happy!! Feb. 1st is our last frost date for zone 9b. Under the grow lights, I have (so far) some Collard Tree cuttings (4 green, one PURPLE!) from eBay that are doing well, a leggy-looking Fordhook zucchini seedling (got to transplant that to a bigger pot tonight or else!!), two SunGold cherry tomatoes (my fav!), and ONE King of the North pepper plant...again, so far. I also have a TON of bunching onions sprouting on my window sill. And all this makes me VERY happy!

My conclusion? Well, EXERCISE is super important to reducing weight AND diabetes AND insulin resistance. They keep saying it over and over. BUT I am sedentary! Horribly so. "Use it or lose it" so!! It's even hard to walk to the kitchen to get something to eat without getting winded! But out there today in the yard? Sat for maybe five 5-minute breaks with the dogs in 3 full hours without any pain or exhaustion or shortness of breath whatsoever! So what I'm seeing (MD's verbal and mental poison notwithstanding) is this:

EXERCISE = LOWER INSULIN RESISTANCE + LOWER DIABETES + LOWER WEIGHT
EXERCISE IN AND AROUND THE HOUSE = RELAXATION AND PRIDE + WEIGHT LOSS + HUMMINGBIRDS AND HAPPIER PUPS + A LOVELIER YARD + VEGGIES AND FRUIT!!

A winner every time!! But how to get me OUT THERE in the first place?? We'll see, but those old dog food cans and bits of paper should get me out there with my picker upper in hand. Once out there, I have no problems STAYING out there, and my goal is consistency of how many days I can keep this up! I believe if I do that along with the diet and fasting, the insulin resistance will go away. The pups have destroyed an old overstuffed chair pad and bits of fluff are strewn all over the dog's yard, which should also get me started over there. But the pruning is first. All my trees are in bloom (except for the apples and pears), so shall I prune them now or not? IDK yet, but this is the kind of decision that can stop me, and I do NOT wish to stop, not this time!!! So I think I'll still prune as much of the apple as possible and then move on to the Dog's Yard and all that fluff and leave those blooming trees alone right now except for "feeding" them and weedeating and putting down straw so the weeds don't come back. I'll keep you posted. ♥♥♥

Honeybera

[Serenity]

[Thanks for the editing, Serenity. I have a hard time knowing what is appropriate/non-triggering and what is not. It's the autism. Forgive me please.]

No worries, honeybera. And there's nothing to forgive. We (mods, admins, directors) are here to help.