I know the song you are listening to, sitting at the computer, wondering about your life and future. I know there is a sadness in it that pierces your heart. I know you are full of pain and feelings of emptiness. I know these feelings won’t go away for a long time, but I promise there is nothing wrong with you. I promise you are not really empty. You are actually full of life. So full in fact that you also feel the full pain of the awful things you have been through. But that is not all you will experience.
You will experience a depth of ecstasy and gratitude for the simplest and most beautiful parts of life.
You get better at dealing with the feelings and even resolve them. I know there is a heaviness in your heart that you don’t understand. Let me be the first to say that you don’t have to, and there are legitimate reasons they are there even if you don’t know it yet.
I know you better than anyone. I know you are strong, so much stronger than you could ever imagine. You will become stronger and more compassionate toward yourself. You will gain patience and gentleness. You will also increase in sensitivity. I know you may not think of that as a strength considering how much heartache it has caused us to feel. Honestly I still sometimes wrestle with that. But between you and me, it’s actually a superpower. There are amazing parts of life we get to see and feel deeply as a result. I wouldn’t give that up for the world. It makes life precious.
I know you are full of pain. I know that you are very smart and are often confused by the intensity of the feelings that you don’t understand. Just know there is nothing wrong with you. You are a warrior and a healer. Ferociously both. You are complicated, many people won’t understand you. Those people don’t matter.
You are full of love, and tenderness, and gentleness. You are also full of steely strength and grit. You will find yourself many times in your life feeling like you are constantly struggling, but you will come to understand that being able to keep struggling is sign of phenomenal resilience. One of our many great qualities.
You are so brave and smart and insightful. You are fun and silly and creative. You are a good person. I mean that. You are. You will continue to make mistakes and learn from them, but that’s actually the cool part. I am so grateful for you. I know you are very numb and can’t feel love anymore. I know my words will not reach you for many years. I love you anyway. I am glad you are alive.
I want to warm your heart and let you know it was all worthwhile. I still struggle but my struggle looks different now. It is more understanding and compassionate. I am kinder to myself. Challenges continue to present themselves. Some days I take it with more grace than others. And still some days I’m rather graceless
You are unlike anyone else. You deserve to be around people who value you and see you for who you really are. You deserve to be around people who celebrate you for all of the things that make you wonderful. You deserve to be around people who can help you learn from your mistakes and who make it a safe place to feel aaall of your emotions.
All my love,
greendreamdays