Kokoschka says...

[Kokoschka]

Hi Dancingfish,
Good to hear from you and thanks much for the company, I definitely would like that!! Your posts are always so full of kindness, they're heartwarming. How are YOU doing?

Yeah, having real friends is I guess some kind of gift or talent. I personally, don't think one can learn that... and being as we are, burdened by our own problems here, I guess it's even more difficult. And the older we get the harder it gets too. Way too complex personalities, absolutely different interests and experiences we collected in a lifetime. That is why those of you who DO have a couple of real friends, that will be there for you through thick and thin are indeed very lucky.

It's really hot today but I just checked and plants can wait until tomorrow for water, the soil is still moist. It's lovely now when the tiny leaves are starting to show, so fresh, lush, and beautiful. I planted a few things and asked the nursery for a Jasmin Phelantheum vine. Though it blooms only for a month a year it's just beautiful and the fragrance is breathtaking. Are you familiar with Brunfelsia, also called Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow as the fragrant flowers change their color 3 times, it's a beautiful shrub. These are fast growers and already covered in new shiny leaves and the first flowers are starting to show.

Luckily I found a couple of books by Jane Harper, British-Australian crime book author, to take my mind off the heavy stuff a little... I hate to be between books I do love door stoppers actually, but non-fiction stuff, so when I finish such a long book all of a sudden it's difficult to find something appealing again. Crime stories are always good for the gaps. Nothing gorry, no crime scenes, just suspenseful and very subtle.

I always look forward to your posts. Wishing you peace and well-being, Kokoschka

[Kokoschka]

Thanks, Coconuts, and THANKS for the fireflies, they just arrived here, they are so beautiful

I must have seen that movie, it's a real oldie, Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. Thanks for explaining, I only heard that expression here and kept thinking why gaslighting... I remember, he tries to drive her crazy by making her think she's imagining things. I usually avoid confrontations too and settle for letting it be and feeling hurt.

Are you all packed and ready to go? Hope the car is big enough for the young ladies' shopping

Take good care, Kokoschka

[dancingfish]

Hi Dancingfish,
Good to hear from you and thanks much for the company, I definitely would like that!! Your posts are always so full of kindness, they're heartwarming.

Oh Kokoschka, you say such wonderful things! Thank you my dear. How very lovely it was to read this from you! I am doing okay, thank you. One step at a time and all that! How's it going with you today?

I wonder about the "having real friends", and if sometimes whether what we think of for that isn't a bit of an illusion. What we end up with perhaps is a motley mix-up - friends for this hobby, friends for listening (when we remember to get in touch), friends from way back who we'll catch up with from time to time. Friends who annoy us sometimes, but with a bit of time it's always forgiven as it's never intended. Heh, also while I agree with your thoughts that we become a more perhaps complex picture as we experience more of life, that also means we can find closer friends, perhaps? (I asked myself if there was some other side to it - yes, I devil's advocate myself in my spare time. ) We maybe have more things to have in common with someone, rather than vaguely close interests which we could barely bond over. I'm sure I have been able to have closer relationships as I'm older, than I could say in my early 20s when I hardly knew anything of what I liked in the world.

Then again I have heard of people who do have that "through thick and thin" friends, although I think they're fairly rare. A lot of people I know (my friends!) don't quite have that. Perhaps it's something you can seek out, perhaps not. The mystery continues, although I know there is space in my life for more friendship, and I'll keep pursuing it until that gap is filled somehow. It would be nice to have someone I could call up and go meet for a coffee and a chat, and also they don't live several hours away. We'll see, I remind myself that "things can change", but somehow finding friends is one of those really tricky ones, as I suspect it's partly just luck as well. Hope you don't mind this little ramble about this in your thread, but perhaps some bits of it will help with how you're feeling about it, is the idea.

Ah I love the descriptions of where you live, it sounds beautiful as Spring evolves around you! I adore that jasmine, what a wonderful choice for your garden. Ooh I hadn't heard of Brunfelsia before (and I love its other name!), so I looked it up - how lovely! Evergreen shiny leaves, too. Not one for our garden alas (Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow is from Brazil, likes sheltered south-facing gardens - I have a northeast-facing, mostly shaded back yard alas!). I did wonder if you meant lantana at first, which has that colour shading in its flowers too - I've seen it on a Greek island and on the south-east coast of the US, and it's a lovely thing. Grows huge though when it has the time and space to do so! I love the yellow-peach-pink shading of some of the flowers, though.

Glad you've found some books to occupy your time, they sound good! I mostly read fiction, and rather quickly, so I tend to run out of books fairly often at the moment. I have a pile of some fluffy novels someone gave to me, but a couple were so bad I gave up. I've been liking John Grisham books recently, procedural/legal suspense sort of stories - no gore, but curious and intriguing investigations with interesting characters. I'll look up Jane Harper though, I'm unfamiliar with her!

Well I hope this finds you doing alright over there, enjoying the Mediterranean airs. We've had super chilly days here - sadly a frost last night, as it's turned many of our lovely magnolia tree blossoms to brown. It's an absurdly big tree for our tiny and close-to-the-house front garden (the previous owner put it there), but I love its mad abundance of pink and white flowers at this time of year. It feels like there is confetti out there for a few weeks, whenever I step out.

Take care my dear, all my best well wishes to you. I know you've been feeling in a bit of a "funk" for a bit, but there's a vibrancy and love of life to your words and character that I really enjoy reading here. I hope you can feel them a bit too, they're a beautiful and rare thing to possess.

[Kokoschka]

Thank you so much Dancingfish, your words embarrass me and make me blush

I sometimes wonder what it would be like if we all got together, how will we feel in each other's company? Will we feel awkward, strange, will we like each other? But then I revert to my old and familiar mold and tell myself what I already know... that I'd be the 5th wheel again, others would have things in common, feel comfortable and I would end where I mostly found myself. But then I comfort myself with the knowledge that it won't happen any day soon and I'm so relieved.

I had this little china Pierrot my mother brought me back as a present in later years. I loved and kept it on a bookshelf until them felines discovered it and took it to play with on the floor... though broken I couldn't part with it until a couple of months ago when I got rid of it. Guess it had to do with me joining this forum and all that pent-up rage started stirring again. She on the other hand, never had any qualms about giving away or getting rid of presents I made her.

Anyway, nursery can't get me the Jasmin I asked for which is a pity since April/May are the months it blooms. I know Lantana, we have it in all shades and colors in the parks and walks here. It even grows wild in some places. There's another vine I have and which I adore called Rangoon Creeper or Chinese Honeysuckle. It's beautiful and the flowers have a very light but beautiful fragrance. Living along the Mediterranean most plants require sun or at least a mild climate. My husband still tells me of the beautiful, green, and lush parts of England he visited many years ago, about those beautiful villages and cottages. I sometimes google English cottages, am amazed at the beauty of it all, and dream and dream. Oh, by the way, the Honeysuckle is getting ready, we have a huge hedgerow at the back of the garden and that fragrance is just delicious. In winter it always looks so brown and black, almost dead but it comes back every spring, I never cut it down as it needs the undergrowth to find a hold when it starts spreading again.

Just finished the 2nd book by Jane Harper, enjoyed this too. She wrote only 4 so far I think. I also love Scandinavian crime books though these can be too gorry sometimes.

Received some farmer's market produce this evening. Lots of cherry tomatoes, fresh mint, cilantro, and parsley. Also these red peppers called Romano/Ramiro, they're elongated and sooo sweet. Do you get them where you live? I love cilantro seeds and use them to bake bread, delicious!!

See, that's what happens when you compliment me, I spill over

As always, I wish you well-being and peace, Kokoschka

[coconuts]

Ob Kokoschka all your talk of spring makes me so jealous, lol. We live in the high desert. Not like cactus' more like just brush. Lots and lots and lots of sagebrush. I forget how early spring comes for so many people. For us nothing gets green and flowery until late may early June. We still have bare branches and dormant grass. But.... my husband and boys have been busy and finally laid my stone path. You know that we got the rocks for last summer and have been sitting stacked up along the drive way all winter. I love it. It looks just how i wanted. Then we got this big slab of rock to turn into a bench and h was cutting that today. So thats cool. Now i need to look up some evergreen plants that would survive our climate.
However, when spring does come I remember how much I love my yard. We have a really really big wild rose bush and it blooms they vibrant yellows and orange and red. Ohh how i love it. Then we have 2 apple trees, a plum tree, and a really really big apricot tree. All which bloom with those pretty pink and white flowers. Ahhh. And then finally with have a HUGE lilac bush that grows up about 8 to 10 feet tall and busts out in purple flowers. My poor h with his allergies spends that month on loads of allergy meds. I on the other hand am lucky and spend time wandering around sniffing them all. So love love love it. The flowers only last a bit but still.

Us all meeting in person actually sounds quite messy. I mean people here know things that people in 3d dont know. Im not sure i could face all my friends from here without feeling deep shame. Definitely not in a place where ive gotten rid of that shame. I "know" Im supposed to. But heh, easier said than done. I usuallu stand on the outside looking in, completely unsure of myself. Rosa is a bit braver but more sensitive if it goes wrong. On the other hand its nice to feel like there are people somewhere in the world who at least kind of understand.

Sounds like your reading is going well

Coconuts

[Kokoschka]

Morning Coconuts,
For the last two days we had been sweating and groaning under the heat and today it's freezing again. Cloudy with no signs of sunshine, yet...
Your stone garden sounds great!! Glad to hear the men of the family finally got together and finished the job And you have fruit trees!!!! Going for a stroll in the garden and enjoying hand-picked apples or plums or apricots, delicious!! AND YOU HAVE a LILAC bush!!!! I love them, they are beautiful and smell so great!!! I tried one once but it died... It's too hot and humid where we live though it grows beautifully up north. AND a wild rose bush!!! That must be lovely. Our garden is all in containers or pots. The soil is no good though we have one lemon tree doing quite fine. It's loaded with fruit and flowers right now. Oh, ungrateful me, and we have a grapevine that yields quite a load of grapes in September, muscat, very sweet. Spring is very short here and the summer hot and long. A lot of bloomers just are not strong enough to resist the heat so by the end of the season we are left with a lot of empty containers.

BTW, don't recall if you mentioned that but do you have any neighbors close by, or is the next house miles away? Here, it's more like the little boxes on the hillside without the hills...

I can understand your issues about us meeting face to face after we have all kind of "spilled" out our stories here. Yeah, I guess on a second thought I wouldn't feel comfortable about that either. But anyway, as I told Dancingfish, it won't happen anytime soon But just in case, I'd suggest meeting in your neck of the woods so I can go shopping in between for tons of Levis jeans overalls, the mom-overalls, the baggy ones. I just LOVE those but for some stupid reason, we don't get them here. I also love all that linen and cotton stuff, t-shirts, slacks, beautiful. Of course, it should all be claw-proof

Yeah, I finished the latest book, and now, again, I'm wondering what to read next. I hate that as books are and have always been a safe haven for me. But I already said that before.

How long does the Spring break last there? Here I think it's something like 10 days. Though I heard that due to the covid saga summer break will be a month short this year. Hope you get enough personal quality time so you and the little ones can relax, feel safe, and fully energized to get back on the treadmill again .

Just turned the radiator on, it's really f***ing freezing!

Later, Kokoschka

[dancingfish]

Heh I've wondered about that all-getting-together thing, too. I've experienced it before in a way, where I was part of an online forum years back and then some of us would meet up. It was interesting as often people have a slightly different online persona than they do in-person, and it was also like meeting someone new but you happened to also know a bit about them. Still, that was a hobby-based forum so different to this one. I still carry some weird guilt/shame bundle around when thinking of what it would be like to meet people from here, who know some of the things I've shared. I guess that's on me, but still. I also am convinced of the 5th wheel experience, even now after years of interacting. I know it's likely just in my head, but also I'm completely convinced it's true, hah. It's less than it used to be though, so I guess that's a win. Also as you say, this is all very unlikely to happen, so we're all okay for now anyway.

Aw I'm sorry to hear about the jasmine, but glad you get to experience lantana and honeysuckle and all these wonderful flowers! The rangoon creeper looks beautiful too, I love those drape-y, bushy plants that hang over walls and grow in abundance in warmer parts. I guess there are lush places here in the UK too, but they somehow don't have the verdancy and splendour of plants of hotter climes, to my heart! I love visiting glasshouses here where they cultivate tropical plants, it's always such a lovely experience. Or even Mediterranean biomes (there's a wonderful place called The Eden Project in distant, far-west Cornwall, with various biomes) full of spicy aromatic herb plants and sandy rocks. It's always a place of wonder for me.

I admit I am a bit envious of your farmer's market produce - I tried something similar here last year, but they always give you a "veg box" where some of the strawberries are mouldy, or the beans all stringy, or the greens so tough I couldn't bite through them. So I'm back to slightly lacklustre supermarket fruit and veg, which varies a lot depending on the season. We do have Romano peppers, though! I like them sliced in salads, or lightly grilled with pasta and garlic and oil. The cilantro seeds (we call them coriander!) sound delicious in bread too, I haven't tried that. An idea for when I next bake a batch of rolls! (I have to space it out or I eat more than I need, and for some reason I can make rolls but not loaves... ).

Well I loved hearing you "spill over", so thank you for sharing. Hope this finds you with some lovely moments to your day. I'm off to embark in dealing with piles of paperwork, so I may be some time! Catch you soon though, do take care now, and lots of love to all your kitties too.

[coconuts]

Ha, lovely spring. Up and down an all around. We are currently in an extra warm spell. It's odd. Half the time our problem with spring is it gets all warm and tricks all the plants into blooming, then bam a cold wave or snowstorm attacks and all the blossoms fall off and we end up fruitless for the year. So i end up crossing my fingers hoping for the best.
We have about a 90 day growing season. Exceptionally short. A lots of plants need longer. We used to have a grape vine and tried to bring it with us when we moved. No dice. We do have some currant bushes.
I love reading, pretty much almost everything. I get so involved i feel like I'm part of the story and then i feel a bit lost when it ends.

I live in a small city. Population about 4000. So i have neighbors but we have bigger oots. Also it's quite easy to walk to the edge of town and be in full on nature. We are closer to the edge. Maybe a few minutes walk. A 5 minute drive to a small lake a 10 minute drive to a more developed one and camping options galore right there. We have a bit bigger space than a lot of people. We have a corner lot and the only other building on one section of the lot is a church. So that gives us a bit more space. There is like 2 houses worth of space between us and rhe church. We actually tried to contact the church about buying some of it but they said no. Its just a pile of dirt and sagebrush but oh well.

[Kokoschka]

Coconuts,
That sounds lovely!! A lake and lots of camping ground and no neighbors close by.

Yes, the weather does play these tricks here too. In the past l planted too early, it was sunny and lovely and l couldn't wait to get to the nursery. And then temps drop, it rains like crazy and the poor plants suffer. Though those fruit trees you have do need the cold it's nasty when temps drop on the buds.

I am between books again, nothing sounds interesting What have you been reading lately, care to share?

It's 07.36 AM and a few house chores are waiting for me

Hope you, the little ones, the young ladies and everybody else at the Coconuts Bunch are having a good day, Kokoschka

[Chessgirl]

Hey kokoschka,
Been thinking of you. How’s everything going?