Life of There: 2020

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

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Noname
Member
Posts: 2527
Joined: Sat Jun 15, 2013 4:58 pm

Re: Life of There: 2020

Post by Noname » Mon Oct 12, 2020 2:03 pm

Hi there,

While online/virtual relationships are at least something, and can be great, it's definitely not the same as mattering to people in 3D life. I understand how you feel. I know how painful it is, and I hate that you are feeling it. I really do hope that you can find people who will treat you in the way you deserve to be treated. Who will be able to truly see you and appreciate you for the wonderful person you are.

there
Member
Posts: 8635
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Life of There: 2020

Post by there » Mon Oct 12, 2020 3:44 pm

thank you, Noname. That's compassionate and well said.
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.

there
Member
Posts: 8635
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Life of There: 2020

Post by there » Mon Oct 12, 2020 6:07 pm

Tula's blood work soon.
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.

there
Member
Posts: 8635
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Life of There: 2020

Post by there » Mon Oct 12, 2020 10:51 pm

no, not.
They failed to tell me it was a fasting blood test. no food for the day of test.

Resc4duled for Friday.

/Unbelievably lonesome and hopeless feeling.

my life's never getting better enough. I'll be poor and alone for the rest of my life.

I can't. I can't do it.
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.

dancingfish
Member
Posts: 798
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:39 pm

Re: Life of There: 2020

Post by dancingfish » Mon Oct 12, 2020 11:39 pm

augh, how frustrating they didn't let you know about the fasting. :(

Sitting with you, there.

somewhereinbetween
Member
Posts: 82
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2020 7:02 pm

Re: Life of There: 2020

Post by somewhereinbetween » Tue Oct 13, 2020 10:55 pm

Just wanted to check on you. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down. Things will get better. It takes time. Try to believe it even if it's tough to
Take care of yourself
somewhereinbetweenlostandfound
"It doesn't get easier, we just get stronger."

coconuts
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Posts: 4044
Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: Life of There: 2020

Post by coconuts » Wed Oct 14, 2020 2:34 am

Hi!

there
Member
Posts: 8635
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Life of There: 2020

Post by there » Wed Oct 14, 2020 4:09 pm

Oh, thank you all, dancingfish, somewhereinbetween, coconuts.
It is so good to come here today and read your posts. I feel cared about.

dancingfish, it's scary when it's a somewhat serious health concern. I just have to try to let go of what I can't do anything about.

somewhereinbetween, thanks. I had time in chat yesterday with other members here. That does feel pretty good.

coconuts, hi back!

Cleaners came today. That helped. Got Tula out for walk. It's beautiful out today, not too cold.

One of the most difficult things is being alone so much. I really try to connect whenever I can. I live alone. But covid has made loneliness more acute.
Have pulled back from contact with brother, which has been phone calls 3x week. It's complicated.

Therapy has been rather mixed. Sometimes I just don't feel cared about. Tired of the different forms of distancing, whether it's professional, or her ego.

I'm waiting for FedUp to send a useable return box again,. this time WITH a return label. Having no iPad for a longish time is not a good feeling. Apple will be sending me a replacement for this replacement, which worked for 1 day, then wouldn't charge.

I'm trying to work on some things for my business. Scary even putting those words out! What if I fail? What if people hsave have too many expectations of me? What if I get overwhelmed?

I got a new pair of jeans that fit well. I've been slowly sorting and throwing away stuff I don't need.

Why am I crying again?

Thanks for reading.
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.

dancingfish
Member
Posts: 798
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:39 pm

Re: Life of There: 2020

Post by dancingfish » Sun Oct 18, 2020 2:58 pm

Hey there. :) Was just thinking about you while out wandering past some autumn leaves, and wondered how you're doing.

A few different things going on for you - sounds like you're advocating for yourself and what you need and is right for you, though. :) I find people can be tricky when we want to be with people, but they're maybe not the best people to be around for other reasons. A sort of balancing act, ideally we'd just be around people we really like whenever we want some company in particular.

Working on things for business! Aw well done! One step at a time. :) Other people's expectations can go for a looong walk. I know they can still weigh on the mind, though. Thing I read recently - there is no "fail", unless you do not try at all (and you wish to). Perhaps food for thought, but ignore if not.

Hoping you've had some relaxing moments over the weekend, and that Tula's all well too. :) Take care now!

there
Member
Posts: 8635
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Life of There: 2020

Post by there » Mon Oct 19, 2020 5:16 pm

oh, dancingfish,
Thanks so much for thinking of me in the autumn leaves! Pittoresque! I haven't been posting for a bit. It got intense here for a while. So did my posts. :shock:

Ha, eating avocado on toast with sunflower seeds on top. Decent lunch.

I had a wonderful chat with my supervisor today. We learned a lot about each other. It was really great sharing.

It's going to be warm (ish) here today. Tula will get a good walk. Her bloodwork was rescheduled again. The lab blood machine wasn't working. Plus, Tula ate some little bit of food snarfed off of Aldi's floor. Bad girl. Now blood drawn on 21st. Fun!

Took out some more recycling from sorting effort. Every baby step moves me forward. Also clearing some of the clutter on bedroom floor at foot of bed. Then swept and dusted the area. Another baby step.

Got staff person to print out my Einaudi piano piece for me. It's been a while since I played. Trying to give myself credit for the piano self-education I've done, am doing.

Onward and upward.
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.

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