Letting go

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honeybera
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Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Sat Sep 05, 2020 3:11 pm

OK, I didn't sleep...yet. I finally ordered 2 pink trumpet flower 10 ft. tall "hummingbird trees" aka Iochroma 'Princess' AND one Penstemon heterophyllus 'Blue Springs' "Foothill Penstemon", a lovely variegated French blue (my favorite color) trumpet flower with a pink throat AND one Salvia mexicana 'Limelight' ("The electric color combo of rich purple 2.5” flowers and vibrant lime green calyces") - and they ain't kidding! This plant is STUNNING! In fact, all of them are! I got them at Annie's Annuals and Perennials online. I've been drooling over these plants on my wish list for quite some time. The "trees" bloom year round, and the Limelight blooms from August-January! Something will be blooming out there at all times. :P :mrgreen: My hummers will be very happy and well fed! It's a LOT of work ahead, hauling, weeding, and setting up, but I can make this work.

When I bought my Black and Blue salvia many years ago, I bought 3 plants, but I've learned since then. Now I've bought only one of the Limelight salvias and when I need to prune it, I'll save my cuttings and propagate them myself. I'm wondering if I can propagate the Penstemon in the same way.

I'm super tired right now, but shouldn't sleep yet. I have a grocery delivery at 1pm (YAWN!) and I need to slice up the keto bread I just baked. (I'm getting awfully good at baking that now! ;) ) I've got to admit, my new hummingbird garden will be a treat for me, and once it's put in, it should be easy to care for. It won't be fancy - interesting, yes, but not "fancy". DS and I just had a conversation last night. He is the most like I am of all my kids and we both agreed that we don't like putting on airs. We're just plain folks. I may like things that are unique and one-of-a-kind, but fancy? No. And more and more due to this website and all of you on here, I'm getting more and more comfortable being in my own skin. I'm no longer scolded (even by myself!) for having an opinion or making a choice or enjoying myself. All of these things were squashed by MD, in my youth and up until I finally had had enough and walked away a few years ago. But it was the best move I could have made for myself. It was the right thing to do.

I remembered today that MD used to feed me big ol' raw potato chunks as she cut up potatoes for dinner. RAW potatoes popped right into my innocent little kid's mouth. At the time, I thought that that was ok since MD was the one handing it out, but I looked it up online today. There are poisons in RAW potatoes:
Potatoes contain glycoalkaloids, a type of chemical compound found in members of the nightshade family that can be toxic if consumed in high amounts. Potatoes, particularly green potatoes, contain two types of glycoalkaloids: solanine and chaconine.Oct 18, 2018
The toxicity presents itself as nausea, vomiting, and gastric upset. Gee, thanks MD! "Hey, Honey! Wanna bite of this?" "Sure!" and I'd gobble it up, never realizing that it was toxic. So I have to ask, "Did she know?" I would say probably because she was/is that sick! Vicious, mean, and cruel! I'm not only glad that I left a few years ago, but I'm also glad for this time to sort everything out before she passes, to practice just being me without all the criticism and to accept myself, just as I am. NO GUILT, no self criticism, just self love and understanding. I'm becoming a better person I think.

So anyway...got the new plants on their way, the first batch on the 14th and these new ones on the 16th. Wish me luck! My new view from my WOW should be AH-MAZZZZZING!!! :lol:

Honeybera

coconuts
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Re: Letting go

Post by coconuts » Sun Sep 06, 2020 3:35 am

Love reading about your unique garden and the way you care for it. Ba humbug to the heat. I royally dislike heat. Im a bit of a wimp when it comes to heat. Glad its going to ease off soon.
We have smokey skies too. Im sure nowhere as bad as there but its been enough to cause headaches and block our views of the mountains across our valley that we normally see. And to the sun and moon colors.
It great that you are making the keto bread better and better. Practice makes perfect right? It can be quite conplicated. We are still working on making good gluten free bread for my H. Its just never quite right.
Coconuts

honeybera
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Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Wed Sep 09, 2020 3:53 pm

Hey coconuts! :mrgreen:
coconuts wrote:
Sun Sep 06, 2020 3:35 am
Love reading about your unique garden and the way you care for it.
Uh...thanks. :| It doesn't look too inviting ATM what with all the dead peppers out there and the tired looking, "no fruit" tomatoes mocking me by holding up withered and unproductive, yet blossom covered, arms skyward, but next week is the arrival of all this new stuff. Besides, what is a "garden" if not dynamic and ever-changing? :lol: Mine certainly is!
coconuts wrote:
Sun Sep 06, 2020 3:35 am
Ba humbug to the heat. I royally dislike heat. Im a bit of a wimp when it comes to heat. Glad its going to ease off soon.
I used to be on the coast and the heat was an issue only 2-5 days in the summer. Even the older buses I drove seldom had A/C. Heat, yes, A/C, NO. But over here? OMG!! I really do dread July and August and even into Sept. each year, but I've gotten more used to it. "It's a DRY heat." :lol: :oops: I keep my house at a comfy 76º-77ºF all summer long and rarely (IF EVER) go out into the blistering heat. When it's over 100ºF and if I have my blackout curtains open, I can hold up my hand and feel the heat radiating through my double paned windows. (They came standard with the house.) Plus the old COVID-19 pandemic has kept me inside, too. Heaven help me if my A/C goes out though! However, later in the month should be around 90ºF as a high temp! :mrgreen: Seasons come and seasons go.
coconuts wrote:
Sun Sep 06, 2020 3:35 am
We have smokey skies too. Im sure nowhere as bad as there but its been enough to cause headaches and block our views of the mountains across our valley that we normally see. And to the sun and moon colors.
I'm ready for crystal blue skies again!! My eyes feel like they have sand in them and I sound like a gravelly voiced stevedore, all due to the smoke in the air! Right now 2.5 million acres are burning in the worst fire season in our state's history! Even my car is covered in the fine ash floating in the air, but we should be safe for now. The fires are semi-distant.
coconuts wrote:
Sun Sep 06, 2020 3:35 am
It great that you are making the keto bread better and better. Practice makes perfect right? It can be quite conplicated.
Oh, I disagree, at least for me. The hardest part was getting "in the groove" and gaining self confidence, like getting in the habit of noticing that we're down to the last of the bread, getting my eggs out to sit and come to room temp., get out my ingredients already in canisters with the measuring cups inside them, and fill up the bread baking pan (I do two at a time) and stick them into their machines, press the buttons, and the machines do all the rest. I get the hint that they're about done when I can smell the bread baking in my room about 3 hours later. YUM!! I wait until they're cooled down, get out my handy-dandy 12" bread knife and "bread cutting guide" (these two items are a real must!), and bag up the sliced keto bread and into the fridge it goes. Easy-peasy! We just figured out that they make the BEST grilled cheese sandwiches! And they're quick to make, too.
coconuts wrote:
Sun Sep 06, 2020 3:35 am
We are still working on making good gluten free bread for my H. Its just never quite right.
Ah! You've come to the right place! Keto isn't exactly like gluten free, but neither of us can have wheat usually. Finding almond or coconut flour breads is difficult, to be sure, and oftentimes disappointing, but you are SO LUCKY to only have to abide by the gluten free diet! So many products that you can have that I can't. I would give you my bread recipe happily, but it's made with mainly vital wheat gluten, which would probably do your poor husband in! There is, however, a Pamela's Products Amazing Gluten-free Bread Mix, 4-Pound Bag that looks promising for about $24.00 over on Amazon (for bread machines) with an 89% positive rating and is Amazon's choice. The recipe on the bag tells you how to use it and it's WAY easier to make than mine! You'd need a bread machine (garage sales, flea markets, or Amazon basics for $57.09), the bread mix, a couple of eggs, and some yeast. SO easy! Just dump it into the machine et voila! Gluten free bread that I'll bet tastes like a million bucks...and YOU get to take your Queen of the Kitchen bows. If you decide to take this on, do remember to get a good Mercer 12" bread knife (you'll thank me later!!) [Mercer Culinary Millennia 12-Inch Wavy Edge Slicer, Black 4.8 out of 5 stars 17,248 ratings] for a bargain price of $21.00 and the foldable plastic bread cutting guide. Makes life bearable! ;)

King Arthur also has a gluten free pumpkin muffin (or bread) mix on Amazon that looked very tempting. On its website kingarthurbaking dot com/essentials/gluten-free-mixes, they have everything (boxed already mixes) for lots of wonderful things like chocolate cake, scones, brownies, cookies, pizza crusts, pie crusts, even donuts (all for $5.95-7.95) and of course, bread. My best to you and your H. :mrgreen: Enjoy!
======================================================

OMG, King Arthur (on Amazon) has these little single serving microwavable cups for cakes and brownies (gluten free!! but NOT Sugar Free) that you just add water, nuke 'em, and <POOF!> = INSTANT DESSERT! Not for me nor do I know if you'd like them, but WOW. I'm almost glad that I can't have them! "Confetti cake?" with the frosting built right in! OMG! What will they think of next? :roll: I'm off to bed now... :lol:

Honeybera

coconuts
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Re: Letting go

Post by coconuts » Thu Sep 10, 2020 2:07 am

Well your garden likely looks better than ours. We didnt plant one this year. Its just a dirt and weed patch. Also the birds came down and ate every last one of our apricots from our apricot tree. But we did just harvest a few handfuls of plums from the small plum tree. Thats it. But my husband went out and got a ton of flat rocks for my path. They are stacked up lining my driveway. I havent found the time to lay out the path.

We have been super cold. We went from 90degree weather on monday to 50s on tuesday and today. Yep we were all whiney freezing people. It was a sure shock to the system.

The fires are intense. Im just a state away hundreds of miles away and still so much smoke and even ash. The other day driving home at night and for a minute i thought it was snow flurries in my headlights. Then i remembered it was 90 degrees so that was impossible. Another breath in of the smokey air and i realized it had to be ash.

I used to have a bread cutting guide. Loved that thing
Wonder where it went🤔. I will have to check out some of those options of gf bread for poor hubs. My parents do keto and sister. I like my carbs way too much to jump on board. Plus i figure i should be in a better place mentally before I really seriously diet. Right now im just going doe healthier. More fruits and veggies, less processed stuff and less sweets. And trying to start some simple not intense exercise. Though being back to work has my body sore. Not used to being on my feet 10 hours a day.

Coconuts

honeybera
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Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Sun Sep 13, 2020 12:05 pm

Hey coconuts!

HAIR!!!!! "Grow it, show it, long as I can grow it, my HAIR!" (Talk about some need for healing!! AND letting GO!) I just saw an ad on TV for HeadbandsOfHope dot com and it triggered me...A LOT!!

My hair has been an issue with me all my life!!! Born a tow-headed blonde with baby soft straight hair and green eyes to MD with STRAIGHT brunette hair and with brown eyes, my hair eventually turned brunette, too, in my thirties to forties. I'm so sorry, but I need to write out my history here and LEAVE IT! It really ties in with my abuse.

Toni home perms for kids - my father's hair was wavy, so she permed my hair when I was VERY little, maybe starting at 1½ yrs. old. We lived in the cottage built in my grandparent's back yard. I think she was afraid that ANYONE would think I wasn't his! Nonsense! I look just like him! The more I study MD's treatment of me (abuse), the more I see just how ABSOLUTELY NUTS she was (and still is). She hated me so much that she'd allow the caustic, sharp smelling permanent solution to run down my forehead and into my eyes and she'd slap me if I squirmed or cried out. SLAPPED ME HARD! TOLD ME TO SHUT UP!! UGH! :roll:

She always combed my hair until I was 12 years old ("so you won't mess it up and look stupid!") by yanking my hair ("combing it") and telling me how UGLY I was (the beginning of the name calling). She would place the comb into my tangled hair at the scalp and P-U-L-L!!! All the way to the end of my hair in one slow agonizing pull! It hurt so bad! Then she'd place the comb again in the next area of my scalp and slowly P-U-L-L ALL the tangles out, and on we'd go! I tried not to scream, but the pain was SO BAD, but if I screamed, I GOT HIT, so I tried to just bear it silently and I cried.

She also laid out what I was to wear and actually dressed me! My father finally put his foot down when I was 12. I think he got tired of hearing us...or maybe he just felt guilty because he'd allowed this to go on and on and on. All the way through high school she still chose my clothes and even did my hair. She even styled, cut, and washed my hair. I was her dolly to dress and display. Bitch is SICK!! When she would wash my hair, she would like waterboard me by pouring gallons of water (sometimes in a bucket) over my face and making me feel like I was drowning! I could not breathe! Needless to say, whenever I heard ♪"time to wash your hair"♫, I freaked out!! If I begged her, she'd let me use a washcloth to cover my face, but it didn't help much. It was HORRIBLE!

Beauty shop nightmares:
I was about to go into the seventh grade. The HOTTEST hair style was the page boy, long hair in the back in a V-shaped curl. I wanted my hair like that!! It looked so cool! I had long braids that for some reason MD hadn't combed out in a couple of days and they were in a tangled mess. She said to me, "Let the girl there comb it out for you!" I went in alone to the shop, told the lady what it was I wanted, she said ok...and chopped off my braids so she wouldn't have to comb it out! :o Then she gave me the most horrible old lady's hairstyle that I later learned that they called a page boy FLUFF, a short hairdo for elderly women!! It wasn't a "misunderstanding". She told me as I stared horrified at my reflection in the mirror that she HAD to cut off my braids since I'd had the audacity to come in there with tangles in my hair and she just didn't want to be bothered combing them out!!! I remember crying all the way home on my bike. SOBBING! School was about to start and my hair looked ridiculous! "OMG! YOU LOOK SO UGLY!!", MD reassured me. :x

Two years later, I again went in to a beauty operator. This time I wanted "gish curls" with my pony tail, a pin curled slice of hair plastered against my cheeks in front of my ears. VERY chic! :lol: But again this new bitch simply cut my hair SHORT and did an old fashioned Granny style! I swore I'd never visit a beauty parlor again!!! And I didn't!! And my hair simply grew LONG, down to my waist and beyond! When I married, I simply wrapped up my hair and wore a knitted white turban thing on my head. In 1966, after my DH knocked me down in the street after seeing other women (long story), I became clinically depressed for the first time and didn't comb my hair for months. It was BAD. Again, my hair was lopped off due to the tangles being so bad. Oy! It grew out again. Then people admired my "long hair' (to my waist and below), and that was that. I never cut my hair again until fairly recently.

When I was still in high school, MD decided that she'd send me to MODELING SCHOOL to smooth out my "rough edges", :roll: but when they said that they had to cut off my long hair, I became ME again and stood up defiantly and swore LOUDLY at them before they'd stop harassing me and threatening to cut my hair!! I can be very colorful that way if properly provoked. I've got quite the vocabulary! :lol: They threw me out and I said GOOD RIDDANCE. So much for a modeling career!

Right out of high school, I "won a scholarship" to a beauty college! A BEAUTY COLLEGE! ME!! :lol: I had told my parents that I wanted to go to college (imagine how THAT pissed off MD, the high school dropout!!) and I wanted to become a teacher. (I would've been quite good at that, I believe.) But MD said NO, that I was going to somehow honor this beauty college sales scheme, and that was that. ME, who never even combed my OWN hair! I knew NOTHING about combing nor styling hair! (I eventually got VERY good at color and manicures, but hair? OMG NO NO NO!!!!) So I went, and it was the disaster I thought it would be. I could do shampoo-sets beautifully, so nicely that anyone else could come along and run a brush through the person's hair et voila! GORGEOUS! But if I ran MY brush through their hair, they looked like Bill the Cat! :o :lol: (Google Bill the Cat to see what I mean.) I never bothered to take my state boards and get my license.

I actually went to a shop (in 2009) where they cut my hair, but with my permission, and it looked really good! I was a bus driver by that time, and was healing emotionally. Then I met N and we became friends. Due to me having a proper hairdo? I don't know. :|

Then I retired and NEVER cut my hair anymore! I even let my bangs grow out! Now just whenever it gets too long, I pull up the ever-present ponytail and lop it off myself. "HAIR". OMG. I don't know if I'll get one of those headbands yet. If I want one, I'll get one. I was going to use it to keep the hair out of my eyes while I garden. But I got triggered, just by viewing their website and seeing "how to use it". So many pretty hairstyles can be made with these things. Shall I cover up my hair again? Shall I try braiding it? I have to ponder this. HAIR. Good grief!! :roll:

===================================(next day)
coconuts wrote:
Thu Sep 10, 2020 2:07 am
Well your garden likely looks better than ours. We didnt plant one this year. Its just a dirt and weed patch.
Sounds like my front yard! I gave up on having a lawn. I worked, and even had a sprinkler system, but no one else bothered to fix it up or mow it. I PAID to reseed my lawn about a dozen times (literally!) but no one would water it, not my DS or DD when she was living here. I'd come home to a CRUNCHY dead lawn so many times and I finally just gave up. I'm putting in paving stones eventually (I think). As soon as the elections over and COVID has passed enough. A lawn just seems so silly and unproductive to me anymore.

Now the BACK yard, that's different. It looks like a jungle out there!! And it's all whippy weeds! But they are GREEN and have lovely big purple trumpet flowers on them. Invasive as heck, but green and purple are EVERYWHERE! They've covered the fence, the trees, are crawling up the legs of the strawberry planters, it's AWFUL! But my handy-dandy box cutter knife (just a razor blade in a handle) cuts the crap out of them! :mrgreen:

Trouble is, the air is so smoky that it looks like FOG here. We are safe from the fires, but like I said, they're "semi-distant". Not really close, but close enough! The ash is settling everywhere, even inside my house (dust) and outside it's just crazy. I dare not go outside, not right yet. My plants are arriving this next Monday and Wednesday. YIKES. I hope they'll be ok. Even inside the house, my eyes are burning and my voice is rough.
coconuts wrote:
Thu Sep 10, 2020 2:07 am
We have been super cold. We went from 90degree weather on monday to 50s on tuesday and today.
You must be near CO. (No need to answer that.) I heard that on the news about a severe weather switch for that general area.
coconuts wrote:
Thu Sep 10, 2020 2:07 am
The fires are intense. Im just a state away hundreds of miles away and still so much smoke and even ash.
Yep, I understand. We're much closer than that to them. In fact, we are sort of surrounded, but it's hundreds of miles away on either side of us. So if the wind blows east, we get smoke. And if the wind blows west, we get smoke. :roll: We get this every year, but this year it just keeps on keeping on.
coconuts wrote:
Thu Sep 10, 2020 2:07 am
I used to have a bread cutting guide. Loved that thing
If you can't locate it, try eBay. They seem to have everything! They may call it "vintage", but they may just have it...IF you can't find it. And don't forget the 12" bread knife. It totally does the job! No squished loaves! And it won't hurt your bread cutting guide.
coconuts wrote:
Thu Sep 10, 2020 2:07 am
Right now im just going doe healthier. More fruits and veggies, less processed stuff and less sweets.
Sounds good to me! That's about what I do (except for the fruit). I've been doing this for almost 3 yrs. now. I began in Nov. 2017. For me, Keto isn't a diet (especially with the "timed eating windows" or intermittent fasting); it's more like a life style. I'll keep eating like this forever. There's no end for me. I've never felt healthier, and for me, that's the point. The weight loss is like secondary.
coconuts wrote:
Thu Sep 10, 2020 2:07 am
More fruits and veggies, less processed stuff and less sweets.
I've found that Walmart (of all places!) has frozen veggies in little microwavable bags, some seasoned, some not, that are SO convenient to use (but still cheap)! Even frozen cauliflower rice (think fried rice!) and stir fry combos that I can have (and they deliver). They are SO GOOD and I use tamari sauce (no wheat, hence gluten free for the H), garlic, ginger, and a little chicken bouillon + water mixed in as a sauce for it (and scramble an egg in the side of the skillet for the fried rice). SO GOOD! And they sell a HUGE bag of skirt steak that my DS loves and I slice it up on the bias into little pieces and throw some of my "Chinese sauce" in and stir fry it. This is the easiest way of eating that I've ever done. And my mind is always open to new (and usually exciting) things! Keep up your good work. Every little bit counts.
coconuts wrote:
Thu Sep 10, 2020 2:07 am
Not used to being on my feet 10 hours a day
:roll: Wow! That sounds like exercise in and of itself!
coconuts wrote:
Thu Sep 10, 2020 2:07 am
My parents do keto and sister. I like my carbs way too much to jump on board.
If they'd like my bread recipe, I'd be happy to share it. Just say the word...if they'd like to view it on youtube, Google keto king bread and it'll pop up, but the recipe isn't written down.

Honeybera

honeybera
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Posts: 959
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Sun Sep 13, 2020 2:39 pm

Here we go again! :roll: Lately I've been experiencing some real healing up. Perhaps being too descriptive, I liken it to turds floating up in a punchbowl. Today's turd worthy of skimming off and disposal: what forgiveness actually MEANS.

I was watching ID on TV. Murder mysteries and stuff. I'm kind of a fan. ATM, it's better than the politics of the day, less violent. :lol: This episode I was watching was called Murder in Manchester and I was listening with half an ear and distractedly playing my iPhone videogames. More and more, I began listening more closely: it was about a son whose mother had been brutally killed by his father when this man was very young, so he'd lost not only his mother to murder, but his father to prison as well. The way they presented this case was to show the negative effects on this man's psychological struggles with his father's crime, his father's denial of even committing the crime, and his sense of hope of acceptance by his father that were holding him back from moving on. Hmm. It eventually came down to forgiveness of his father by LETTING GO, but not so much for the father's sake or even the father's culpability, but for this man's sake...SO HE COULD MOVE ON WITH HIS OWN LIFE, unencumbered with the OLD garbage from the past. It's like (from SO many other sources, like tidbits heard on TV or read in books or youtube videos) I'm gently being fed palatable and small bits of insightful information that are being tied up and packaged just for me and tied with a big red bow, kindly lessons on life that have been withheld from me by MD in her great fear that I'd outshine her in some imagined way.

Once this man had ACCEPTED his father's way, that this was just his father and that he was a narcissistic louse that would never admit to killing his mother, I could almost see him exhale all the pain and hurt and anger and angst he'd dealt with all his life up to this point. Behind this immediately came the grief, the knowledge that not only was his mother gone, but his father as well. He CHOSE not to even attempt to imbue his convict father with emotions and truths that he just didn't have to give and he himself decided that that would be his last visit to the prison. Duly noted!

This has answered the question I had about "should I go see MD or not"? Yes, that thought has been bouncing around in my brain lately, but not anymore. MD is flawed. She may have been "Mommy Dearest" in her own narcissistic eyes and she may NEVER admit that she was anything but PERFECTION in a human being. In fact, I'd bet the rent on that, BUT SHE IS FLAWED. Always has been, always will be! HOWEVER, that does NOT conclude that I myself am flawed to the extent that MD claims/has claimed/always will claim!! No one else is perfect, and nor am I, but I have my positive attributes, too, and it's a LONG, LONG laundry list of impossible tasks and achievements that I've managed somehow to do without one iota of assistance from my family OR any man.

Lately I have been appreciating just what I have done in my life, how I really DID "pull myself up by the boot straps". (One of MD's favorite disparaging sayings directed at me when I was struggling.) :x I remember telling her that that was physically impossible, and it is, but somehow I did it emotionally and mentally. SO THERE! :P :lol: (Yeah, I've always been a bit of a sassy thing!) :mrgreen: From living on LBJ's War on Poverty Welfare state (eventually ending up in the projects) as a single parent with AFDC as my surrogate husband to getting my Associate's Degree with honors while homeless with 2 kids to wrangling my way to my good, solid Union job as a bus driver and now to a pensioned retiree homeowner...yeah, it's been quite a ride! BUT I DID IT!!! AND with no help from any of them! ESPECIALLY MD!!

Now what does MD have to HER credit? Hmmm...let me see: She kept a clean house and made dinner. Maybe lunch and breakfast. Wait...wait...I'm thinking here. Nope, that's it! Cooked and cleaned and scolded anyone who messed anything up. My father worked, brought in plenty of money, and was a real fix it kind of guy around the house. She made dinner, maybe vacuumed, made the beds...oh, and she did the books for my father's business, maybe an hour or two a month. He was the only "employee" and it was his business. They had an accountant. Always have had. Yeah, she had a pretty cushy job.

But it's funny, I did everything she did (cooked, cleaned, did the family's bills, etc.) AND SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD - AND I did it WITHOUT MONEY!, but somehow she is to be canonized for it??? I even home schooled my youngest DS for 7 yrs while working as a bus driver and before that went to college and got my Associate's Degree and THEN went to a state university until my senior year when I ran out of money - heck, I even PAID OFF MY STUDENT LOAN! So what argument does this pampered pup of a MD have to say for herself IN COMPARISON to ME!!?? But it is up to me to either accept her disparaging ways towards me or IGNORE THE BITCH! This morning I choose to IGNORE her!!! She should have HALF the moxie I show and have shown!!! But she doesn't actually have any moxie at all!

Oooh! I just reread that! WOW. But every word is true! I've also been hearing that Inner Critic voice in my head begin the incessant critical whining at me in MD's harsh, angry voice and then a new voice saying, "Oh, enough of that!" and it shuts off! Whoopee!! :mrgreen: It's deliberate, too! YAY!! Before, I had always RESPECTED that uncomfortably clean house she kept (because she said to), but not anymore. As we bus drivers say, "You have to take in the entire traffic picture." I am beginning to see how all the jigsaw puzzle pieces fit into place, and reverence for MD and her domineering way isn't among them. I do feel a surge of SELF RESPECT, though. And she's not here to try and wrest it away from me again!

BTW, the first shipment of new plants should be here tomorrow. I have come up with a new plan for my WOW view: the hummingbirds among the blooms! (Any veggies for next year will be over in the dog's yard.) I watched a video of Annie from anniesannuals dot com as she demonstrated how she plants everything in containers with a top dressing of rich compost - and OMG, do I have containers!! Then if I see that it's too hot for any one of them in direct sunlight in the summertime, I can just move them into shadier areas for a couple of months. I love the idea! And I know that the hummers will find them again if they're moved! All these new perennial plants arriving Mon. and Wed. are considered "hummingbird magnets"! Some are tall (even small tree-like), some are short (ground cover to small shrubs), all have TONS of nectar AND all different colors. Lots of blooms year round with these plants - I've planned it that way. No hungry hummers anymore. :mrgreen: And all to be watched by me through my mirrored window film on my WOW where I can watch them (up close) and they can't see me. How lovely is that!?

Ah! It's dawn! I need to go clean out my fridge to accommodate the new items from Walmart grocery due here at 9am. Busy, busy! :mrgreen:

Honeybera

honeybera
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Posts: 959
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Sun Sep 13, 2020 3:06 pm

Gluten Free Fritters for coconuts H: www dot myketokitchen dot com/keto-recipes/low-carb-ketogenic-zucchini-parmesan-fritters/

5 star recipe 120 votes! YUM!!

EasyStreet
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Posts: 634
Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2019 7:36 pm

Re: Letting go

Post by EasyStreet » Mon Sep 14, 2020 1:03 am

Hi honeybera,

I liked your discussion about forgiveness. It has to be rooted in an honest appraisal of my own shortcomings and the other person’s as well. Acceptance of the reality of the persons and situations as real.

And to forgive not out of mercy, but for your own cleansing of toxic resentment!

It’s a hard thing to do but totally worth it. And you have to be at a certain place in your own healing.

I wish I were half as active as you in the garden, but I’m active enough to bless my life with it!

Be well, you are a hard charger and that’s great!
EasyStreet
Thanks for being.

coconuts
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Posts: 3936
Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: Letting go

Post by coconuts » Mon Sep 14, 2020 3:39 am

Thanks honeybera for the recipes and tips.

I kind of get the hair thing. Not to the extent you mentioned. I am very tender headed and my step mom always insisted on ripping thru my hair. I had the wild unruly hair for a good stretch of a few years. It appears my daughter has inherited that. I just help her gently comb the tangles out with lots of conditioner and detangling cream and watch it poof. When i was maybe 13 my grandma took me to some lady who grabbed my pony tail up high and lopped it off then trimmed it more giving me a lovely mullet :roll: i cried. Stupid grandma sounds much like your MD never caring for anything else, just her image and what she wants. Lots of stories there.
Ive had some discussion about forgiveness and what it is an isnt. So many people think its for the offender. That it lets them off. But truth is. It doesnt excuse a crime. It doesnt permit one to be hurt again. It simply allows the victim to let go of the pain. Thats very hard. Its not simple at all. I would like to just let go. Not totally sure how. For years, before i knew the extent of the abuse I "forgave" everyone. Also i think there are phases to forgiveness. Kind of like there sre phases to grief. Because you need to go thru adequate acknowledgment of the pain and feel some justifiable anger before you can let it go. Thats all my opinion for what its worth lol.

Coconuts

honeybera
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Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Wed Sep 16, 2020 4:34 pm

Sunday late
Just ONE more...please Jonesy! Coconuts, for the H...you guys like ribs? Here's one for you...if you have an Instant Pot (made in less than an hour) or a slow cooker.

ibreatheimhungry dot com/make-ribs-instant-pot-low-carb/ - looks like they're "fall off the bone" and gluten free!

Just Google "keto pork ribs" for a whole lot of recipes for ribs. Oftentimes recipes for keto are naturally gluten free since we limit or eliminate wheat and thereby the gluten.

And get some gluten free Award Winning Sugar Free BBQ Sauce by Guy's at netrition dot com for $4.19 a bottle instead of over at Amazon for $14.16! The BBQ sauce is rich and thick and SO GOOD, the best there is! But not for $14.16 a bottle!! ;)

At netrition dot com, under "select category" choose "gluten free" (it's on their drop down menu). They have all kinds of gluten free things to try!

=================================(Monday)

GREAT NEWS! (For me at least) My peppers that got annihilated by whatever it was that destroyed them didn't actually DESTROY them!! HUZZAH!!! :mrgreen: I went out to water today...and noticed NEW GROWTH ON THEM! They still look pathetic, but there is new growth and thereby new LIFE. Nice big green leaves coming from top stems AND all along the bottom! If whatever ate them before comes back, ok, but if not, there's HOPE for them!!

I've decided to yank out my Cara Cara orange tree. It's shot. I don't think even I can revive it. I'll replace it with my Harrow Delight pear tree and put my other pear tree next to it. That will give some shade over near the back fence during the blazing summer heat for my new hummer plants and block my neighbor's view directly into my yard from their upstairs windows. BTW, I'll still have my two Mayer lemon trees (which are LOADED with nice sized lemons this year blessedly).

================================(Wed.)

One box of my hummingbird attracting plants has ARRIVED! It's FULL of that styrofoam popcorn stuff :roll: and now I'm trying to familiarize myself with my newcomers (I've forgotten what exactly I ordered! :oops: ), so I'm looking up each on of the named plants on the shipping list and marking each one with its color. My yard is a MESS, but I irrigated the dog's yard so the weeds (6-8' tall!!) will be easier to pull. The skies aren't quite as smoky - on the news they said it's all blowing across the US and even into Europe! I guess that leaves us with better skies.

Today my mind is racing in a million directions which makes me "dither" and get frustrated and then get nothing done, so I'm going to sign off for now and come back when it's dark out there. TOO MANY PLANTS, TOO MANY TASKS TO DO FIRST, TOO MUCH!! So I'll break my complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable ones...and start on the FIRST ONE. Now...which one is first? :lol: OY!

Honeybera :|

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