Letting go

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honeybera
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Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Fri May 22, 2020 6:49 am

Shame on me! I just told an on-the-phone counselor that I had no friends! WRONG!! I have you guys, and I am so grateful for that!

All this COVID-19 yammering was beginning to get to me and I was feeling quite depressed. I made a BIG order online with Netrition dot com (low carb/Keto foods) tonight and wanted to check with my son to make sure the order was alright with his expectations. It was, but when I mentioned that a local store could deliver certain items cheaper and quicker, he became VERY irked with me, turned his back on me, and got this scowl on his face, finally saying to me, "WHY didn't you tell me this BEFORE?" I really didn't mean to upset him, but apparently I did. For these sugar free syrup flavors that they have locally, I saved about $25.00. Later, the counselor and I discussed that and my reaction to it (feeling "criticized" and looked down on in disgust), both of which are HUGE triggers for me.

After the counselor conversation, I decided to get up and put away the chicken cacciatore (SO good! too good to waste!), whereas before I talked to him, I was very unsure that I could/would. I really hate to grouse so much when others are losing their loved ones, jobs, livelihood, homes, and even the ability to feed their kids. I am fortunate indeed, BUT. No one has called me in the last 4 months to see if I'm ok. I have called them (twice!), but not one of them has called me back. :cry: Do I mean that little to them?? The counselor said that maybe my cousins don't realize that it means that much to me, so I'm going to try one more time and share that with R tomorrow. Maybe the counselor was right; maybe R just doesn't know how much that would mean to me. So I'm going to tell him, from the heart. My cousin R has taken in many members of our family to live in his home. His wife's ex-husband who is dying of cancer is staying with them now (not even her idea!). R gives him rides all the way to the Hospital for treatments (a few hundred mile round trip!), but I don't even warrant a phone call? What gives? They're "too busy" to call? I don't know. My DB hasn't called me either.

And in come the negative thoughts! "I guess I'm not good enough." "Maybe there's something WRONG with me?"...or the way I come across? or Blah, blah, blah. Nah, I'll just let R know that it would mean a lot to me to hear from them from time to time and see what happens. And whatever does, try not to take it personally.

I also believe that I'll drive over to the nursery myself and get my herbs, peppers (LOTS of them!), tomatoes (early girl and Black Krim...OOoo!!), and one WHITE eggplant called Gretel, seedless, thin skinned, and tender (it's why it's not sold in grocery stores: it bruises too easily). I'm already gathering Keto recipes for it. I didn't plant one strawberry today, but "tomorrow"...you know the drill. I really need to get a grip!! I'll come on tomorrow and let you guys know what/how I did.

It's 11:40pm right now. I'll hop into bed right now - with sleep by midnight? Circadian rhythms and all? Wish me luck.

Honeybera

coconuts
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Re: Letting go

Post by coconuts » Fri May 22, 2020 7:03 am

Ah I think so many of us fall into that pit of self criticism and thoughts of low self worth. It's hard to break old messages. It seems even when we rewrite new ones and build dams against them that they can seep back in through little cracks. It's definitely something that needs regular maintenance. To remember that it's a focused thing to forbid those thoughts. To remember other peoples thoughtlessness is on them, not you. We were so used to accepting blame as children it seems so easy. But its not truth.

Hoping your phone conversations go well and are healing

honeybera
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Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Sat May 23, 2020 1:06 am

OMG, I just found a KETO recipe for Char Siu Pork!!! AND KETO Sweet and Sour Sauce!!! OMG OMG OMG! How I have missed my Chinese food favorites!! I've gotten the bread and mayonnaise recipes down pat, but Char Siu Pork? I never thought that I would ever be able to have that again! I used to drive over to Japantown to buy Char Siu in a local market there, but that was decades ago! Browsing a keto recipe website, I saw "KETO Char Siu Pork" and came to a screeching halt! :lol: I bookmarked the recipe in my extensive keto recipe folder(s) IMMEDIATELY. Also on this site was the Sweet and Sour Sauce. OMG!!

Also, late last night, I came across the SUPER easy way to make "Pork Rind Panko" which sells for a BUNDLE over on Amazon and this homemade version probably tastes WAY better than that stuff that comes in jars and bags. FRESH spices and herbs are added to freshly ground pork rinds in my mighty Breville food processor (with the S-blade), put into Mason jars (already got tons of those), and are used just like my formerly long lost BREADCRUMBS to cover many foods with a crispy coating. And it's ALL KETO! Nearly ZERO net carbs!! Hello, breaded chicken tenders!!

HALLELUJAH!! These are answers to prayers, believe me!! Two and a ½ yrs. now and not one drop of sugar! The weight is slowly coming off. I don't know "how many pounds", but my clothes are bagging on me, so it must be something considerable. AND NOW, with some effort, I CAN HAVE CHAR SIU AGAIN laced into a lovely spiralized stir fry!! These online cooks are kitchen geniuses!! FORMERLY NOT ALLOWED: Breadcrumbs, bread, flat breads (tortillas, roti, chapati, and so on), rice, wheat, corn, and potatoes! I can now have them all (as various substitutions). Easy recipes, too, and so good they taste like the real thing! I could not be more pleased! To be able to eat fried-in-butter crispy almond flour "tortillas" topped with taco fixings and STILL lose weight? SIGN ME UP!! :lol: It takes some work, but ohmygod, it's SO worth it!

Dr. Phil today had on an 18 yo formerly severely abused kid who had been adopted at 8 yrs. old by a family. This family felt like they were currently being abused by this young man. They were fed up with the way he was acting. "He's looking for love, DESPERATE for love, by going on a multitude dating sites and he's a thief!", wailed his family. They cried out, "He's stuck in the past! Why can't he get past this with just our love for him?" But to this young man, Dr. Phil asked this question: "What do YOU feel you deserve in life?" and "What are YOU giving to YOURSELF? Forget them. What about YOU? What do YOU deserve?" WOW. That old Dr. Phil hit me between the eyes again! (Blessedly!)

So...what about ME? FORGET MD! What about ME? Was I beaten? Yes indeed. Was I shamed over nothing but MD's mood ATM? Yes, I was. Horribly! Was I constantly told that I was stupid and ugly and fat? Repeatedly! Was I ever protected (GP and GM notwithstanding)? No way! So thereby, how on earth could I be expected to have this GREAT SELF ESTEEM?! I've had to discover that bit by bit over the decades with counselor after counselor, T after T. Slowly MD's smoke and mirrors have evaporated and I am able to see how things REALLY are - and NONE of this was "my fault". It was my upbringing. Sadly.

BUT CURRENTLY, WHAT DO I DESERVE?? Is my fate NOW in my own hands? You bet your sweet bippy it is!! So...what is it that I deserve?? How do I make my world look to ME?
"What you are is your parent's fault, but if you STAY that way, it's YOUR fault."
Oh my!

That old saying again. :roll: :|

It's not as caustic as it once was, though. I deserve a clean (NOT SPOTLESS!) and organized home. Doable. I'd like a nice garden out there. Attainable. Nothing that I feel would be nice and something that I deserve is unattainable to me...NOTHING! SO...

RIGHT NOW...I am going to put on my gardening hat, grab the weedeater, and march out the front door and stand there, fully ready to go. I have to "fool myself" this way sometimes because once out there, I will weedeat that front yard again. DS "mowed" them, but very sloppily. It needs to be "perfected" for the City. And the next priority are those poor strawberries struggling to live in one of my bathroom sinks. Oh, they've been so very patient with me. I need to assist them in their attempt to grow. I know how. THIS IS NOT LAZINESS nor IGNORANCE! I just keep running into that wall of avoidance. I can see now that it's more from my childhood abuse and the concurrent C-PTSD, and that was NOT my fault!! I would like to remember that every time I feel that sense of undoing, of overwhelming exhaustion, of wanting to avoid (another beating by being very, VERY quiet), "What do YOU deserve (to give to yourself)? At this time. At this place. The choice is YOURS. YOU CAN DO IT!...IF you want to. And if not, that's ok, too, but in your heart of hearts, honestly, what would please YOU more?" MD is to be LEFT OUT of my choices! She has NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS! This is MY choice!

Tonight I can do more inside jobs, but for NOW? OUTSIDE in full "yard duty" gear. I'm feeling good about this!

I'll be back...

Honeybera

honeybera
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Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Sat May 23, 2020 5:07 am

coconuts wrote:
Fri May 22, 2020 7:03 am
Ah I think so many of us fall into that pit of self criticism and thoughts of low self worth. It's hard to break old messages. It seems even when we rewrite new ones and build dams against them that they can seep back in through little cracks. It's definitely something that needs regular maintenance. To remember that it's a focused thing to forbid those thoughts. To remember other peoples thoughtlessness is on them, not you. We were so used to accepting blame as children it seems so easy. But its not truth.

Hoping your phone conversations go well and are healing
Hi coconuts! I want to reply to you now, BUT...I need to do my gardening work FIRST. I'm sure you can understand why. So I'll leave this up on my computer while I GIT 'ER DONE outside. I'll be back...

====================================(1 hour later)

OMG! WHEW! Back is killing me, so I'm taking a break right now. THE FRONT YARD IS ALLLLL DONE!!! City should be happy about that. There was one big rectangle out there with 8" tall puffy seedpod topped weeds on it about 10'x30'. Got those and the ones that had been mowed but still had individual sticks sticking up. I really need to just pave over that entire front yard. NO MORE WEEDS EVER! Put in the patio, solar, and fencing later on.

I'm taking another 7 min. or so and going back out and do the final prepping on my strawberry planters. Once prepped (rolling of the mountains of whippy weed vines that have completely taken over the top [if needed], then raking in, chopping up, and blending the soil and amendments and smoothing it out), I'll be ready to plant my bare root strawberry plants. I have to do something similar for the tomato, pepper, and squash pots, too - and I've decided to NOT go get those plants until all is READY for them! A much wiser move, I'd say. There's plenty to do before they get here. There is always the time pressure of having Mother Nature standing over my shoulder, her seasonal clock ticking away, but that's WAY better than having plants WAITING for me while here to get their homes ready, often growing "leggy" and/or dying. :| Much less pressure on me this way: get it done, but if I do nothing, nothing dies. BUT I want that garden, too, so...prep the planters/areas/SmartPots!

Back in another hour!

=================================(I DID THE STRAWBERRY PREPPING!!!)

I added composted humus, azomite, chicken manure, acidic fertilizer, and more potting soil, a nice rich mixture for the strawberries. So now I'm ready to plant in the morning. (That's the easy part!) Those strawberry planters stand 3" high on legs (saves my back!) and the actual five planters are 18"Wx36"Lx8"D. They're not only for strawberries, but that's what I use them for usually. A while back, I bought a soaker hose (called a BedWetter :roll: ) and now I want to use it on these strawberry beds by draping it across them since they are lined up all the way across the side of my house measuring 15' end to end . Perfect!

It seems that I lost two of the six bare root Albions that I already planted, but no big whoop. I have 19 more to plant! AND 25 Eversweets!! Not my fault for "overbuying". "In bundles of 25 each variety" is just how they're sold and I wanted the two varieties, plus that little yellow strawberry in a 4" pot (too cute to pass up). I'm going to take the leftover bare roots and plant them in two huge 30 gallon SmartPots over by the west fence so that they'll get afternoon shade, similar to what my house does for my strawberry planters. They'll do fine that way over there in the dog's yard plus have NO whippy weeds trying to choke them out. And by the time I see strawberries growing, I should have the freeze dryer set up: freeze-dried strawberries that may last for 25 yrs. What a prepper I am! :lol:

And I watered the rest of the yard, too!! DS really needs to help me DESTROY those pesky whippy weeds (aka Morning Glory vines) that wind all over everything!! They are crawling into my A/C unit outside, almost killed/smothered my avocado, apple, plum, apricot, pear, and peach TREES, and will take over my strawberries for sure if not obliterated! Vicious things snag my ankles as I walk (they're VERY strong) and try to trip me and make me fall!! :? They're slithering all over my wheelbarrow that I put standing on its wheel next to the house, and all that's showing now is part of the wheel. My son likes to roll them up and throw the mammoth roll in the garbage, and they do roll easily. I'm now armed with a one-gallon pump sprayer containing industrial strength 30% vinegar, some salt, with a good squirt of Dawn detergent, a very handy weed killer that is NOT RoundUp, and is thereby much healthier to use!! Between that mixture and covering them with straw mulch, I'm sure that the whippy weeds will get the hint and not glide over my neighbor's fence and invade us again. I DOUBLE DARE THEM TO TRY!!!

Also, my WORX 2-in-1 (mini) chain saw has arrived, along with a new extension cord and 1 qt. of chain saw oil. I'M SET! Oh, but it's not winter anymore! :roll: I intend to try some "summer pruning" after each tree finishes fruiting. My Eureka lemon tree (slowly shaking my head) has NEVER been pruned since it was planted in 2010! It will die if I don't prune off the ENORMOUS 20' tall suckers that have grown off the root stock and are sapping the life out of that tree. So as ignorant as I am re: such an endeavor, the new chain saw and I are going to TRY to reshape that faithful old lemon tree. There's not much "lemon tree" left, but I want to give it at least a chance at survival. Me wielding a chain saw: :shock: :!: And if it doesn't make it, I can always buy a new one. :| ♪♫I need's me some CONFIDENCE!♫♪

I also need to trim the HEIGHT off my Fuji apple tree!! AND give a crew cut to my Weeping Santa Rosa plum tree, taking off a LOT of that poor tree. It has been taken over by the whippy weeds LONG ago and is struggling to survive. It needs my attention, too. As does my also faithful dwarf Pedro walnut tree. Now that I'm watering him faithfully, he's grown very tall, WAY over my head, and he has nuts on him, too, so I need to trim him back as well. So much to do out there!!

Time to get to bed. I have lots to do out there in the morning! That HEAT WAVE is on its way and it promises to be brutal! High temps of 105ºF for four days, and then rolling slowly back to the mid- to upper 90s! Summer is HERE. :oops: :roll: :cry: The mornings are still cool enough to work in, but nowadays I'm usually sleeping through them! NOT GOOD! I DESERVE TO TREAT MYSELF BETTER THAN THAT!! There is PLENTY to do once it's too hot to work outside. LOTS AND LOTS of chores/tasks to occupy my time inside the house, but the mornings are for planting, pruning, and watering outside. I have no problems with that.

Garden along with me! Watch me as I set my freeze dryer set up and finish all my "tidying" projects around my house in the exact manner that I wish to. And be here with me as I open my hand and gently release the MD past in my OWN best interest. All are welcome to follow along! It helps to hear from you.

{{{{{♥ALL OF YOU!♥}}}}}

Honeybera

honeybera
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Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Sat May 23, 2020 8:18 pm

One of the things that I'm having trouble with is planning something and then to FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT! I got all the strawberries planted this morning, but the way that I did it disturbs me. I'm glad that you guys are there. I stayed up all night again, but this time I opened my blackout curtains at around 5am and watched the sun slowly light my yard out there. By 6:30am I was able to convince myself that, as I said to you last night, "this is the easy part". As I began to separate the roots from one another, I could plainly see that they wouldn't have lasted another day in my bathroom sink! So I finished planting the Albions and then came in and SAT and played word games on my iPhone until nearly 11am!! :roll: What is WRONG with me??

The worst part is that I KNEW that those poor Eversweets, being first nearly drowned and then left out for hours, needed to be planted right away, but instead I just sat and let their roots dry out, a BIG no-no. Why do I do that? I've always done that, even as a kid, but now I'd really like to s-t-o-p!! I'll say to my son, "Guess what! I have a new Keto recipe for ______. I'm going to make it. Would you like some?" He used to get all excited, but now he goes, "Uh-huh..." and barely listens to me. He knows I'm all talk. What a shame! This observation is exactly what I need to see. Thank heavens I can change this!!

I did get ALL of my strawberries planted and watered. I hope they survive. They deserve to. I even trimmed the suckers coming off the base of my surviving pear trees. They're sitting in large plastic pots ATM and will be moved soon to where they'll be planted. I'm planning to have someone come in and plant them later in the season, maybe Fall. I also cut up and bagged the scraps from the Fuji apple tree that I've pruned up so far. Honestly, it's no wonder that I'm "feeling my age" - I get NO EXERCISE. This gardening is SO good for me!

I also decided to tidy up the 20 gallon pots that held all my squash last year and use them for my peppers. Once done, I'll go get my peppers (and eggplant and tomatoes) over at the nursery and get this show on the road! :mrgreen: The coming heat wave will give me time to do all that, assuming that I'll be out there at the break of dawn every day. I have 10 empty SmartPots out there that need some weeding and soil and nutrients to ready them for the peppers. Maybe put some raspberries in there, too. The heat wave hasn't hit yet (it goes to 100ºF even tomorrow, then up to 110ºF over the next week. YIKES!! :oops:) So gardening outside is for mornings ONLY! In fact, for the rest of the summer. So I need to stay awake today and go to bed this evening. I had a cuppa coffee this morning and it seems to be helping me stay awake. I've been up for way over 24 hrs. already.

This "stopping and sitting" thing I do is a simple avoidance that I've done since I was really little. Some of my first memories revolve around it. But MD doesn't really exist anymore - I mean she's alive, but...without that darned POWER she had back then. Now I have the power. And I'm not a mean girl and a narcissist that craves being "better than". I hope I treat myself better than that!

That Dr. Phil show really impacted me. What do I feel like I deserve? FOR ME. I think I feel like if I don't do anything, I can't be punished. (However, that was actually not true!) Especially something new. Look back on how traumatic it was for me to start making keto bread with yeast. Now I just zip through it, and the mayo, too, and it all turns out great! But at the beginning, it was devastating!! The fear of failure is strong in me, even now. I avoided my 6th grade graduation. I avoided "flying up" from Brownies to Girl Scouts. I avoided things even all the way up into college and beyond. I just get really, REALLY quiet and say nothing and do nothing. I just sit, just like this morning while my Eversweets dried out in my bathroom, nearly killing them. (Luckily, the operative word is nearly.) However, I did recognize what I was doing and corrected it, which is really, really good! I'm aware of it and that is a good beginning. And as I write this, I'm also starting to understand the WHY. As Dr. Phil himself says, "I'm not saying why you have this problem. I'm saying why not!"

I think I'll take the rest of the afternoon OFF. Just do my pills (weekly chore), take a nice shower, and relax with some good TV or videos. Maybe do some laundry, maybe cut up a few boxes in the front room and get ready to move the freeze dryer from the foyer to the family room, but no more heavy stuff. Maybe make something keto? I've been wanting to make this keto cream pie for dessert. It's really good. Then it's off to bed EARLY so I can work in the yard tomorrow at dawn after a FULL night's rest. Yes, this is what I DESERVE! And it makes me feel good, too!

Honeybera

earthhorse
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Re: Letting go

Post by earthhorse » Sat May 23, 2020 9:21 pm

Hey Honeybera,

You are so active. Sounds incredible everything you are doing in your yard and to self care.

I think it's important o acknowledge when we need more people in our lives. It's a sign of healing really. You do have this place. It's yours and all the people here. It's okay to give yourself permission to reach out and find more like minds. In my opinion you are a very likeable person.

Hope you have a wonderful relaxing evening.

All the very best to you,
EH
"One kind word can warm three winter months"

honeybera
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Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Mon May 25, 2020 10:05 am

Well....I didn't do much today, BUT for a good reason! I did so much work in the days before that it made my upper arms ACHE every time I'd move them. I was at least up and awake today at dawn, but to pick up anything and bend my arm caused me a good deal of pain. So I consciously decided to "take the day off", and I did. And I'm glad I did. I did "do my pills" today, went to sleep early (I was falling asleep, nodding off in my chair at 5pm), then took a wonderful shower and made 2 loaves of bread at midnight. It's in the machines now - one plain loaf and one Pumpkin Spice-Cream Cheese Frosting [flavored] - YUM!!

Sitting here now sipping on a rich cup of clear, spiced, buttered broth that I make, I began to watch my favorite authority on all things narcissist, Dr. Les Carter, on youtube on my computer. Just now he addressed the "I release you" response, but with a twist: it was both aimed at the narcissist (MD) and ME! ME??? WHY MEEEE??? What did I do??? I had just watched one on "Why is the narcissist the way they are", and then this one followed and knocked me off my feet! I had never thought of that before: I've released MD, but have I released ME? Could this be the final step in LETTING GO?

But as Dr. Carter put it, to do so, to REALLY and FINALLY let go...to take that step forces me to give up ALL HOPE of ever having that pleasant, loving, cookie-baking Mom that I've always craved to have. She's not there, not now, and she never was there for me. And Dr. Carter is right: I've tried and tried to convince her to love me or at least to MODIFY HER BEHAVIOR towards me. To now accept that that's "the way it is" and always will be, nothing I can do to change it OR HER, is to face the painful knowledge that it's never EVER going to happen. The loss of ALL HOPE. WOW. :cry:

That is a powerful and scary thought, that is!! :| It brings me face to face with the FACT that only I can change ME, and that I'll NEVER be able to change HER no matter how hard I try. But that is the harsh reality of this. Even if I did everything perfectly to "help her change", for HER to LEARN how to be kind and gentle and understanding, the very nature of her narcissistic attitude would preclude me from influencing her into changing her mind and changing her way of doing things. She has to believe that she is "better" than me, than anybody else, in fact. It's who she is. And so says Dr. Carter in that measured soft Texas drawl as he slowly pivots me, and suddenly I'm facing myself in a full length mirror. YIKES...

I had to share that. I believe that he's SPOT ON on this one! And for ME and my avoidance issues of late? Yes, they fit in here, too. How else was an infant, a toddler, a pre-schooler, a kindergartner, supposed to act in an attempt to make sense out of what was happening to me when faced with this out-of-control teeny bopper? Her teen marriage gave her, in her mind, absolute POWER, over me and all others in her realm. What else was I to do? I learned to AVOID. And I'm doing it to this day. But I can change, not her, but ME.

Enough insight for one day! :lol:

Honeybera
♥[God, I love this website!!]♥

coconuts
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Re: Letting go

Post by coconuts » Mon May 25, 2020 3:49 pm

Yes very powerful to understand where our full capabilities lie. In changing ourselves. It's not an easy thing to do. To unlearn habits. I think many of our coping skills are really often just addictions. Even if the addiction isnt to a drug, the go to habits in our lives, sometimes self destructive as well, still are just reactions to trauma rather than healed choices.

It seems to me that you are looking at overcoming an addiction. By being aware of the cost of this behavior. The ability you have to grow, change, and choose what happens next. You are so very worthy. Choice is what is taken aware when we are mistreated and abused. Especially by those who were supposed to love and care for us. But we have choice now.

So glad you are so very intelligent and capable to make these choices now. To recognize the change you can make in yourself. To make the small changes that will lead to the big change you desire.

Coconuts

honeybera
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Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Tue May 26, 2020 12:41 pm

coconuts wrote:
Mon May 25, 2020 3:49 pm
Yes very powerful to understand where our full capabilities lie. In changing ourselves. It's not an easy thing to do. To unlearn habits. I think many of our coping skills are really often just addictions. Even if the addiction isnt to a drug, the go to habits in our lives, sometimes self destructive as well, still are just reactions to trauma rather than healed choices.

It seems to me that you are looking at overcoming an addiction. By being aware of the cost of this behavior. The ability you have to grow, change, and choose what happens next. You are so very worthy. Choice is what is taken aware when we are mistreated and abused. Especially by those who were supposed to love and care for us. But we have choice now.

So glad you are so very intelligent and capable to make these choices now. To recognize the change you can make in yourself. To make the small changes that will lead to the big change you desire.

Coconuts
Hey, hey, Coconuts!! <wave!> Wow, that is well put! And thank you for saying that I'm "so very intelligent". For so many years I was put down by She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named as being stupid! :lol: Then I did the most horrific thing possible (according to her): I went to college in my 30s and graduated with honors!! Says so right on the diploma. :P So she came to my graduation ceremony, encouraged my then-4 yr. old daughter to "run to Mommy" (me) up on the stage while we all got our diplomas, :x and then after the ceremony, she insisted that I go to their car with them, at which point she fiddled around until I missed my own "after graduation" party. After that, they abruptly left. So typical. That day SHE wasn't "the best", I was, and it irked her down to her soul, so she retaliated by trying to sabotage my graduation. BTW, what was my "present" given to me unceremoniously and UNWRAPPED from the trunk of their car as my party went on without me? A metal windmill music box that played "The Windmills of Your Mind". OMG. :cry: :roll: What a slap in my face!

BTW, she is and always will be a high school dropout. She married at 16, had me at 17. My dad was an 8th grade dropout. This lack of their education always irked her deeply, but to be any kind of an independent thinker/doer would be thereby (in her mind) less than a "good wife" (something like a girl scout/immaculate housekeeper). She felt that it would have or could have threatened her marriage to work outside the home or to complete whatever education she wanted. She was having none of that! So she took that out on me, too. SHEESH!

But that was long ago and far away. (THANK GOD!!) :roll: I went out today to check on my newly planted strawberries - and they look GREAT!! My gosh, those tiny half-drowned roots truly want to live. I am proud of them! Not all of them lived, but I have plenty. Surviving are about 10 of each variety in 4 of the strawberry planters that I described. That's out of a total of 25 of each type (50 in all, but 20 have survived). So not bad for what they had to go through. Oh, and I lopped off a good deal of the SUPER-LEGGY SunGold tomato plants, also still not planted. Tomatoes are another plant that can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'! I do need to get what's left of that plant into the one of my SmartPots SOON though.

Tomorrow starts that 106ºF+ heat wave and will last for several days, so plenty of water for my plants. I'd like to start spraying the front yard with that 30% vinegar-Dawn liquid-salt concoction in about an hour b/c the wind will only be blowing at only 2 mph at that time. That really helps, plus the blaring sunshine beating down over the next few days should really kill those pesky weeds out in front. But again, I'm feeling sort of timid about this. As I understand it, that vinegar solution is mighty potent. Not something to mess with! I'll wear my gloves and gardening hat and safety glasses, but...I'll let you know how it goes. I need to re-watch the internet videos again...

Uh-oh. Here comes the sun...better get moving!

Honeybera

coconuts
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Re: Letting go

Post by coconuts » Wed May 27, 2020 1:28 pm

I find that as I succeed in life there is a measure of jealousy poured out from my foo. Their words claim they are happy. Their actions not so much. I've made it further than my family as well.

Yaya for the plants surviving. Here's hoping the solution is successful clearing away those pesky plants out front. I've been fighting foxtails all week. Ugh. What a nightmare. I rather prefer them to the goatheads we have at home though.

Happy gardening

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