Joining a new Family - pet intro

[Joe]

My new wife has made me very happy. Her pet cat Baby has adopted me. I am now officially this 14 year old cat's most recent 'human'. Oh of course I've been bitten and scratched. But we have found common ground. It is so inspiring to see the bond between my wife and her pet. It is even more inspiring to experience caring for another with my wife.

My favorite sound these days is hearing Baby happily crunching on her food when I get home from work and go to bed in the morning.

Although she has gnawed at my hands a few times, she just loves my feet, petting her with them laying them on her and watching her fall asleep...this cat has a weird relation to my feet. She never bites them and immediately shows signs of comfort when I put them on her.

I can only imagine the satisfaction of caring for your own child. I imagine a little girl who looks like my wife did in her childhood photos. Learning from both of us...different things. My wife wants a child soon, and although I feel I am ready in age and experience, I do not feel I am able to provide materially for a child, neither does my wife feel she is. This is a difficult question, my plan was to finish my studies and go live abroad till whenever. My wife always dreamed of a homestead.

I don't know how to turn my plans around to accommodate both our desires. I have a bipolar condition, ADD, and finishing my studies this time around will be a great challenge, I go part time and try to gauge things best I can. I can't even allow myself to consider a masters degree. I don't know what to do, for now we are just doing our best to get settled. She fears she cannot have children beyond 35 and she is 32. I feel pressure from this. Disappointed in a way that I can't make everyone happy. I am trying to give my wife a sense of ambition; I believe in her of course, she is creative, sociable, but her trauma throughout her school experience is beyond what I can work with as a teacher. And I cannot be police-husband always asking: did you study? Did you open your books? She cannot be pushed that way, she feels learning academic subjects is beyond her. And I don't want to play that role, she is my wife and I want to have fun with her, she is not a project.

Best policy is to play it one day at a time.

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans -J.Lennon

[Jonesy]

Hi Joe

I love that John Lennon quote.
When faced with decisions, I often go with what feels right at the time. No second chances at this life (that I know of )

[recover]

hi joe,
great quote from John Lennon and so true. so i guess you plan as best as you can and see what happens.
i am 56 and have a 22 year old daughter and a 19 year old son. they are everything good in my life. my son was not planned and i was utterly miserable and terrified my entire pregnancy, sure i could never manage a second no less a boy. well, i am completely in love with him and have been from the very moment i saw him, as is true of my daughter. somehow it works out because the love is so powerful.
raising my children has been so incredibly healing for me. i get to be the mom i wished i had, i get to raise my children in a world with love and care without trauma or destructive parental narcissism. i couldn't imagine living without them.
sorry to go off here...
whatever you and your wife decide, i truly believe if there is love and you are both taking care of your trauma issues all will be ok.
with support,
recover

[Joe]

HA,

Recover, so you are the one to bring a tear to my eye tonight! Thank you for sharing that with me

When I think of the kind of parent I hope to be, I always picture my hands gently pushing them away into the world, almost as though my hands were white wings, I picture them always looking forward without strings attached, without thinking back in sorrow or regret at any circumstance, their minds free to discover and be <enraptured>?? by whatever they are doing.

A nice thought

[recover]

hi joe,
it is a very beautiful thought...and so true. we raise them so they can leave us and have good lives...it is bittersweet but beautiful.
i have no doubt you will be a great dad!
warmly,
recover